I hate being a parent

[JulietBurke]

I have name changed for this as I'm so ashamed. Sorry if it's in the wrong place.

I have a 10 month old son. I love him, but I hate being a parent and I don't think I can do it any more. He doesn't sleep - he'll only nap on me and wakes every 2hours through the night. Sometimes it takes an hour to get him back to sleep. He was diagnosed with silent reflux a month ago and things improved a bit, but now it's all gone to hell again.

I keep fantasising about life before I met my DH. I had my own flat that was clean and tidy. I want that life back. I keep thinking of ways I could leave - planning where I would go and what I would do. I also have terrible thoughts that I can't talk about.

I cry all the time. DH is miserable and finds any excuse to go out.He would rather stay up late watching TV than go to bed with me.I've lost 3stone off my pre-pregnancy weight because I'm either too exhausted to eat or just can't be bothered. We are also in so much debt I can't see how we will ever get back on our feet.

I don't think I can go on but I don't know how to get out. Please help.

Ok so ADs is good - they do take a couple of weeks to start working and you can feel a bit rough to start. Please have a look at the mental health part of mnet. There are so many mums who have beenwhere you are now. I am on a support thread anout 'winter blues' and 'the village' and it will great to share experiences of ads.

Re the doctors I am gobsmacked she said that about sovial services they will not take him. You are asking for help that shows you are a good parent. Please dont worry about this. If you feel the doctor was unsympathetic you can ask to see another doctor.

DotThat doctor is leaving today anyway so I will see a different doctor from now on. She seemed really nice, apart from the ss bit. I might have come across as being worse than I am as I was very nervous being there. Don't think I said anything that would imply abuse but who knows? She is the expert.

I will have a look at the mental health section, thank you.

Really well done op. That's a hugely courageous thing you've done.

Hope you can see some hint of light at the end of the tunnel now. Get through a few weeks and the ads will start helping. Hopefully she will get your HV to pull her finger out too.

Keep posting and we'll ride out those weeks with you.

Well done for going to the gp.

I am very surprised she even mentioned social services to be honest. Nowadays every effort is made to keep families together unless there are very serious reasons not to - a mum seeking help for her pnd is not serious enough to remove a child. As others have said it shows you are seeking help. Thats a good thing.

Having said that, I have social workers in my family andthey can sometimes really help and provide support...so give them a chance and just let them see what a good parent you are, because we can all see you are.

I also wanted to say its very positive that you feel so strongly that you don't want social services involved. It may be wrong and manipulative of the gp but perhaps she said that to guage how you really feel about your ds. Hang on to that feeling of protectiveness over your ds. It is there, you felt it. You can beat this.

Such good advice on here... Though I strongly disagree with advice about stopping breast feeding ... If I had done that I know I would have felt a million times worse... It helped me to feel like I was doing at least something right and best for baby and low self esteem would have got worse if stopped .....

Op I'm so pleased you are getting help - my only concern for you is that without practical support you are still going to face the same day to day difficulties - your feelings are a natural response to looking after a baby that doesn't sleep without any proper help

Can your parents lend you money to get some childcare help? You cannot keep going with being up all night and no help in the day - it's all very well people saying keep bf bit you have done 10 months and bottle feeding would mean other people can take the baby while you sleep

Of course you feel depressed - lack of sleep is true torture

I think it's absolutely shocking that your doctor said that about Ss - you need help coping not threats -

Fairylea I wondered if that might have been the Drs motive too - not nice though.

Also OP, I should have said well done. That was a really courageous thing to do, and probably the biggest hurdle in getting this situation back on track.

You are a great mum. The evidence? You posted

Sorry hit post too soon (stupid phone) anyway the evidence that you're a good mum:

You have recognised that things arent right (you wouldnt be able to do this if you were a bad mum); you posted on here for help, you were given advice and you took it. You phoned the HV (who was crap) you then went to see GP for help. Those were all massive steps, and you have taken them! You are already on the right path, it's now just time and the right help, and it will get better.

Cupcakes - I'm in Wiltshire too. I felt this way after the birth of my first DS.

We moved here just before the birth of my second child. The isolation I felt was crippling.

Send me a pm if you like - I know Wilts is a big place but maybe we are close enough together to meet if you'd fancy an understanding ear? I'm a bit of a recluse usually but I can hold a semi intelligent conversation sometimes.

Well done on speaking to the GP. It's a steppingstone towards the end of the tunnel, but I know it's a daunting one.

How are you doing today Cupcake?

I really feel for you.

I felt a bit low after DD but nothing half as bad as this. I have a supportive partner and great parents so I have been really lucky and just wish I could do something - anything - to help.

I doubt it will come to having your son taken off you, unless you don't comply with recommendations that SS make. This may involve leaving your partner though if he comes across as abusive in any way.

If this is the case, there are certain benefits you can claim if you have a low enough income. If you go onto the government website it will give you a calculator that can calculate what benefits you would be entitled to if you were to take this route.

It might involve having to have a small 1 bedroom flat somewhere but if it's just you and DS that might be for the best. It's not like your partner is helping you, so you wont be missing a hand anywhere.

If you want to talk (phone) or if you are ever in the Dorset area I would be happy to meet with you. I wish I could do more as I hate to see suffering. I've had bad depression myself, but luckily pre-DD but it was very, very bad. I don't remember what help I was offered, it is all a blurr to be honest.

I hope your new GP can be of help to you.

Hi. I'm ok. Very tired but nothing new there. I've been hanging out in the doghouse section of mn, trying to take my mind off things. I do feel better now. I think because I finally feel like somebody is listening.

DH has been doing more the last couple of days. I think he has realised he needs to step up. Don't know how long he will keep it up. He is lazy and selfish, but not abusive. That would take too much effort.

Awesome news that you've got medication now. Many of them make you feel worse before you get better, beware of this. I am on sertraline, for exact same feelings and symptoms you have talked about here. It made me normal again, but I did have a very bad week on them before they kicked in properly.

Keep in close touch with GPs. I was there most days when I was at my worst, that's what they're there for. I also had CBT counselling, which was very interesting and useful although I don't think it was a crucial part of my recovery. The pills, stopping bf and going back to work did the trick.

Take care xxx

Good to hear from you cupcakes and glad you're a little better and that DH has stepped up a bit. Long may that continue.

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