Can anyone explain to dp what sleep deprivation feels like???

[Whattodowithaminute]

Dp a loving kind man doesn't wake at all with our dc. Our ds2 is 6 mo currently a bit unwell with a cough etc and is up every 1-1 1/2 hours every night, he's been up like this for a few weeks now and I'm tired... Dp doesn't quite get it and I need to explain it in a different way... Anyone help??

Wake him up each and everytime you get woken up

Why explain? just put him through it!

x posts Jayne

I can't exactly, but I remember getting 4 hours sleep in a row for the first time with dd1, about 9 months in. I said to DH, 'it feels like my eyes are clean...'

Otherwise, I have had a rubbish few nights recently, nothing like full on sleep deprivation, but it's been enough to leave me feeling empty and short tempered and irritable.

Perhaps point out that there is a reason it's been used as a torture device throughout history. That it feels like you know you need to function but you could lay down on the pavement and immediately be asleep. That you look at the clock at lunchtime and could cry because there is too many hours until you can sleep again. Your eyes feel like they are full of grit and sometimes they sting when you close them because they've been open too long. Headaches, feeling sick and crying become just part of your day. You get sleep anxiety so when you can sleep you're too anxious because you know you will be awake again too soon and you can't bear it-any of those any good?

Er yes, make him get up in the night, it's what elbows are made for.

When I had sleep deprivation with a non-sleeping DD (beyond the norm of what you'd expect with a new born) I used to almost have weird hallucinations when walking down the road pushing her in the pushchair . It was almost like a weird out of body experience where I would drift away from my body but not in a nice relaxed way IYSWIM.

You can't really explain childbirth to someone who has never experienced it. Likewise you can't describe sleep deprivation.

In one way or another I've been sleep deprived for 5 years. It's probably contributed to my emotional fragility, my frustrations/niggles with DH and ultimately helped destroy the relationship.

Your DH will get the message soon enough but I hope he gets it before things get that far.

plus what susieloo said

You feel like it's 3am all the time. It's like you've been out on the lash the night before but it's every day. You feel tired to your bones. Very achy, everything takes more effort to do. Your concentration is affected. It's difficult to form sentences or you forget what you were saying half way through.
Basically, it's horrible.

Has he ever had jet lag?

Has he ever been so tired he's put the museli away in the fridge and the milk in the cupboard? So tired your head feels full of cotton wool all the time and nothing seems quite sharp and in focus anymore. Or like having a 2nd day hangover every bloody day with no great night out beforehand. Or like being a 6+ coffee a day person and going cold turkey.

People think they know what tired is but until they are the ones getting up night after night with a non sleeper, frankly they have no sodding idea.

So tired you could throw up. So tired you wonder if you can physically survive another night.

The idea of a great night is 4 hours sleep in a row. At least having done it with dc1 i know they do sleep eventually!

DH also doesn't get up so i feel for you.

Bit like childbirth in that you have to experience it to know what it's like. I suffered severe prolonged sleep deprivation and at it's worst I actually thought I'd rather be dead than go through another night of it. It's the worst form of torture and I would have let someone tear my finger nails out if meant a I'd get a full nights sleep.
Hth

Just kick him and let him get up for a night. People learn better by doing than being told

L

I suffer from sleep deprivation due to anxiety. The way I explain it is 'you know how tired you feel if you have a big very late night out and have to get up for work early the next day, thats how I feel every single day.'

Like your face is melting off!

Seriously dh thought he was 'there with me' when I got up to dd to breast feed. When I went on to formula and he had to do his fair share he was on his fucking knees- literately!

It was his turn to do a full night and I noticed he had been up a few times , I went to the toilet on one of his feeds and seen him stark bollock naked on his knees with his arm through the rails trying to feed her - I left him to it . His head nearly rolled off around five am

Dh will not dare say the tired word to me. I'm fucking beyond tired. I put foundation on my toothbrush ......

Get his arse out of bed!

Make him get up.

Alternatively:

Short of breath. This is not like hyperventilating or whatnot. Just walking along, you get short of breath and have to stop.

Really bad aches and pains everywhere. The day begins and ends with painkillers. I can't even pick my DD up in the morning anymore, my DH has to get her and take her to the changing unit so I can do her at waist height.

Feeling really disgustingly hungover constantly.

Waves of nausea.

Sudden walls of tiredness that knock the overall exhaustion clear out of the park. A wall can be really fucking impossible to get past.

Desperate crying at 4 in the morning.

You can't explain it to someone who won't get up and help because if they cared enough they would be experiencing some degree of it along with you.

When DD went through a particularly bad patch earlier in the year, I remember it feeling like all the days just blended into one. DH went to sleep, woke and it was a new day. OTOH, I saw the next day coming in 20-30 minute intervals throughout the night. It felt so monotonous. I stopped looking at the clock during the night. I would have killed for just 2 hours unbroken sleep.

But I agree with waking him every time you are woken. Far more effective.

I liken it to a massive 3 day hangover (minus the puking). But worse.

You really don't need to explain. You just need to make him do his share of parenting.

Oh dear, I remember gripping the kitchen counter feeling sick, dizzy & desperate, sobbing and dh stood next to me saying "what's up?"

I was considering begging him to stay home from work to take care of our ds so I could sleep.
He was 5 and at school before he slept a whole night through.

My bones were drenched with exhaustion I actually looked longingly at a public toilet floor thinking I could just lie down there for 10 minutes.

Dark dark days.
DH just didn't get it.

Why don't you wake him up to take his turn?

In what sense is he a loving kind man if he leaves you to do all the night wakings even though you're trying to tell him you're on your knees with exhaustion.

It was fucking awful for me, and I won't have another baby because I can't do it again. Like a previous poster, I went through a stage of just wanting to be dead rather than carry on with no sleep. I felt seasick all the time, totally joyless, snappy with DH, missed my friends but had no energy to see them... I could go on but I won't because everyone on this thread knows what it's like. Things didn't get better till I stopped breastfeeding at night and DH and I could split the night wakings (at which point we were both tired and snappy all the time, but the truly awful phase ended).

Like the worst hangover combined with coffee withdrawal, always close to tears or anger and feeling like your head is full of chloroform soaked cotton wool. Then having to get up, go to work and be a professional all day and a loving parent every other minute.

I remember waking at night to breastfeed dd. Some nights I felt so tired and one night I sat in the spare room holding dd, watching a film with tears rolling down my face.

I naively thought that as I was home during the day I could catch up with sleep any time. I did not expect broken sleep to affect me as much as it did.