Why can't I go out and leave my 3 year old asleep on his own in the house?

[FrannyandZooey]

Don't worry, I am not about to do this. But I have been musing about risk and safety recently and I am wondering if this really is as terribly unsafe as we all think it is. He doesn't wake up and will be asleep for 90 mins or more. Even if he did, he is a sensible child and is not going to fall down the stairs or drink bleach or anything. He would be worried that I was not there (which is my main reason for not doing it).

I know the argument is "what if there was a fire?"

But there isn't a fire, is there? How many fires start at random when there is no-one in the house but a toddler, fast asleep? I can see there is a small risk here - but it seems tiny to me. How does it compare with taking children out in the car? Crossing the road? Air travel? Being savaged by a dog?

As I say, please don't think I am about to go out and leave him - I'm not. But can someone explain to me why this would be absolutely unacceptable for me to do so, because I'm not getting it.

I've left them alone asleep in the flat whilst I've gone out to get things from the car, I think once I even moved the car closer. I think if we had a postbox on this street I might have considered doing that too.

I've been think about this a lot recently. DS1 is 8 and I'm confident he'd be fine if I popped out, but as I have DS2 and DD to consider as well it adds some complications. Whilst I wouldn't leave DS2 (6) on his own, would he be OK with DS1, so I could pop out with just DD? The three of them are often 'alone' at weekends as they insist on getting up at horribly early times, but me and DH don't. How do you know? At DS1s age I was taking my 4yr old sister and 1 yr old brother to the park or the shops (very close to home though)

Exactly katierocket. Each to their own and all that but it just feels wrong to me. Perhaps it's because my dses are still so tiny.

Does the anxiety that comes with motherhood ever go??!

Oh, I'm with you Katie, something sitcom-y about - updated Terry and June, maybe.

ok, would you go out and leave a wide-awake 3 year old alone while you went to the shop? I don't think anyone would answer yes to that, and the situation is the same if not worse for a fast asleep one imo. You could explain to wide awake 3 year old that you were popping out, and he could play happily at home, but none of us would even consider that, whereas you could put a 3 year old to bed, he would go to sleep knowing that mummy was downstairs, in the next room or whether, would wake up and mummy would be gone, and that would be a lot for a 3 yo to deal with imo.

Tbh I don't think it's so much about the dangers of a fire/burglery/something happening, but more about the fact that at 3, children don't think rationally or sensibly. If a stranger came to the door they wouldn't know what to do, if the phone rang and it was a stranger they might get confused, plus there are all the things that 3 yo's aren't allowed to play with when mummy is there that would suddenly offer great temptation.

Ztoes - that's awful, but I guess you would have been shocked to see mine asleep in the car, but then if you had come back five minutes later they would have been gone. that's the difference

, thought we were getting another top quality Lavenderrrrrrrrrrr thread.

I've seen what my dd(3)would do if I wasn't in the house when she woke up. She was disappearing through the front door towards the road wailing'Mummy' (I was in the garden and hadn't heard her).

Agree that it's unlikely anything would happen if you left a child in a cot and popped out for 5 minutes but it feels wrong to me.

edam i chuckled too but didnt know whether to tell you or not

Perhaps the parents could see them out of the pub window?

Actually, my mother once left us alone in the morning because our au pair was late. She went off to work - sounds bizarre now, but presumably it was important, don't know. I was nine or ten. Anyway, I was making breakfast and the toaster caught fire. Luckily I'd seen Blue Peter and knew not to pour water on it. Got a damp tea towel and smothered it. Little sister, aged six, had hysterics so we went and got our next door neighbour, who threw the now-burning tea towel in the sink. Handy as the flames from the tea towel were licking up the wall towards the socket... I didn't know it was supposed to be something heavy like a blanket. Not that we had a blanket in the kitchen anyway.

So it can be dangerous, even with an older, relatively sensible child. If your child wakes up and goes into the kitchen...

Message withdrawn

sometimes very tempted but only leave them (4y and 1.5y) asleep or awake to put out the rubbish (block of flats so we have a communal bin shed) and to pop to the post box (maybe 30secs away). If dd (4y) is awake I tell here that I'll be right back and she says 'o.k. mama I'll keep x (ds) entertained'

Slightly paranoid. I hate filling up the car when dh isn't with us as I don't really want to leave them on their own in the car. Doesn't matter that I lock the car and can constantly see it... sign of the times I guess

I remember my parents constantly left us alone, waiting in the car, at home etc. (sometimes a bit too much I reckon) but nothing every happend. Thankfully probably. Maybe that's why I don't remember much of my childhood?

no pub windows just a blank wall and no houses either

We can all look at risk analytically and say that there are only tiny odds that anything would happen if we left the house for 5 minutes, but I don't think it's possiblefor us all to be completely objective about our own children.

The perceived emotional risk of children being upset and frightened seems far worse to me than the fires, explosions, muggings etc. I could never do it because of too many horror stories told to me by a fireman friend who had dealt with many situatiuons where children were alone in the house.

I know I was left home alone when I was about 10 or so, not sure if before then, but I remember cause I'd had my apendix out and was in bed cause of stitches and mum had to go shopping.

am i being stupid in thinking its illegal anyway, before they are 14?

When you have an older child who is ill (from 4+), how else do you collect your younger one from nursery or pick up medicine for them, or shop for those basic essentials?

Should you drag the sick child out of bed and take them with you?

i have dragged out younger sick one to collect older one

what else can you do?

I did once ask a neighbour to watch ds who was ill and asleep whilst I went to get his medicine. When I came back I found out that she'd left him for a bit anyway to put her dd to bed and she was tearing her hair out trying to control him as he was screaming and crying hysterically! He'd woken up and seen a stranger in the house!

Like someone said, damned if you do, damned if you don't.

I think you are right nailpolish. I always used to wish my mum would leave me and my brother at home rather than take us to the supermarket and she always used to tell me that it was illegal until we were 14 (and that she'd get sent to prison if she left us ). Actually, I think it was because she knew I'd either be on the phone to my mates the whole time running up a massive phone bill or hanging out my bedroom window teaching myself how to smoke without being sick.

np, it's not illegal.

Rhubarb, that's something that worries me. My school run is never going to be a car journey, and will mostly be bicycle, tube or bus, and lengthy. I do have a neighbour who works from home, but he is v Peter Pan, and probably not at all trustworthy.

You can always stick a little one in the pram, and that's ok, but what do you do with a six-year-old, particularly if you don't drive?

I left dd (5) home whilst I went shopping/collected ds when she was ill.

NQC it is a dilemma I've kept the others at home if no alternative otherwise you have to rely on other parents or neighbours

Right now I have to wake up ds to go and pick up dd and he's gonna be in a right strop! But I would never leave him alone because he's too young (2.5) and he is nowhere near the docile little creature that dd is!

It's not illegal, there is no legal age to leave a child alone in the house - probably because children vary so much. So it is illegal to 'put them at risk' and you are the judge of what constitutes risk, unless something happens, in which case I guess a court would be the judge!

Children can babysit other children from 14, so I would expect them to be left alone long before that. I was certainly getting the bus home from school on my own at 10/11 which involved a bus into town, then another bus home. Or a wander round town and then the bus home. Or walking home if I spent my bus fare on things in town...