Why can't I go out and leave my 3 year old asleep on his own in the house?

[FrannyandZooey]

Don't worry, I am not about to do this. But I have been musing about risk and safety recently and I am wondering if this really is as terribly unsafe as we all think it is. He doesn't wake up and will be asleep for 90 mins or more. Even if he did, he is a sensible child and is not going to fall down the stairs or drink bleach or anything. He would be worried that I was not there (which is my main reason for not doing it).

I know the argument is "what if there was a fire?"

But there isn't a fire, is there? How many fires start at random when there is no-one in the house but a toddler, fast asleep? I can see there is a small risk here - but it seems tiny to me. How does it compare with taking children out in the car? Crossing the road? Air travel? Being savaged by a dog?

As I say, please don't think I am about to go out and leave him - I'm not. But can someone explain to me why this would be absolutely unacceptable for me to do so, because I'm not getting it.

thats where i get the age of 14 bit from tortoise

I am glad it is not illegal. I have left my baby sleeping while getting my dd from playgroup. I knew he would not wake up but I was nervous leaving him I admit.

More recently, same baby (now 3) fell asleep on the sofa and I left him with my other three sons (aged 10 and 8) while I went and got dd from ballet. I timed myself and I was gone from the house literally 7 minutes. I did give ds1 and ds2 a quick run down of dos and don'ts before I left - ie don't answer the phone, don't answer the door, do listen out for ds3 etc - but I knew they would not do anything silly. My children aren't the sort to do anything silly, while I am there or while I am absent. You can tell. I knew they would continue playing lego and that is precisely what they did.

Anyway, the way I see it, ds1 is going to secondary school in 15 months' time. At some point between now and then he has to start doing things for himself and maybe take a little responsiblity for his siblings. It maybe wasn't the best thing to leave them all alone for 7 minutes, but it worked out fine in the end. Isn't all life about taking tiny, calculated risks from time to time?

Yes I reckon it is dds girl.
People seem so risk-averse nowadays. I must say I find it a bit odd.

Dont know why its so wrong as such.

But, i know how i would feel if I dropped my DD off at nursery, and whilst the children were all having their afternoon nap all the staff nipped over the shops together to buy their lunch or something. Id be livid.

Whats the difference between someone we entrust our child to and ourselves?

I suppose its the element of being their "guardian".

VVVQV - because they are paid to stay there at all times and they get to go home at teh end of the day - there is a big difference between a job and you life!

(not that I neccesarily disagree with your point thoiugh!)

yes

we are paying them to look after our children

But whats the money got to do with it? AND where is the line drawn regarding leaving a child unattended with regard to being the legal guardian of a child and entrusting them to someone you are paying?

Just interested about this particular point?

there probably isn't any difference except you wouldn't reprimand yourself ie was it edam who's dh left the child in the house and she brought him to acount and you obviously would if it was the nursery/babysitter but if it was yourself well you'd let yourself off with an excuse

because money makes it a job - that is it, if it is your job then you behave a set way, if it is your life then you have a different set of perameters, expectaions and realities to live with.

I would not expect my nusery nurse to leave my child at nursery - however if that same nurse chooses to go home and leave her own child then that is different. (not necessarily ok that is down to the circumstances - but it is def. different)

Have only skiimmed the thread but can't believe anyone can find a valid reason/excuse to leave a 3 yr old.That is just wrong How do you know who is watching and could come in if they saw you do it repeatedly

Extremely unlikely that anyone could be watching your house though isn't it?
We are talking about miniscule risks

Im still not getting the difference between
because its your job and you are paid or its your job and you are the parent.

Why is it/should it be a different set of standards?

i am wondering about what dumbledoresgirl said

she told her children not to answer the phone, if someone called your house to check if you were in or not, thought it was empty then decided to break in........

Because it is a different set of standards

if you see a mum out and about who shouts at her child - once - then you think Gosh - hope that isn't the norm. If you saw a group of nursery children and the carer shouts you would think - That is terrible - it is their job...

Prob a bad example though...

NP - going on that though - along with the "only 10 mins" thing that seems to run through this I would expect someone to take longer than 10 mins to phone, and then get to house with appropriate stuff and then get in....

i know, i know.

the phone thing has freaked me out a bit

TBH I don't really get the phone one - I would say it is better to have an older child answer and say sorry she can't get to the phone right now please ring later than anything else - but then soom callers get pushy.... Don't know!

I leave dds (aged 7 & 9) alone while I go to the shop across the road (1 minute there, 5 minutes in there, 1 minute back). Don't have any qualms about it. What I won't do is go anywhere in the car - seems to me more likely that I may not come back. I know dh has left dd1 at home alone when going to Tesco with dd2. I would not do that, and wasn't happy about it.

When I was about 10, my brother 9 and my sister 2, my mum regularly went to the supermarket without us - no-one seemed shocked about this at the time - probably seemed like common sense...one time though, dsis pooed in her pants, so we phoned the supermarket to ask her what we should do. She must have had a shock hearing her name being called over the PA...

Just to add another twist - does it make a differnce where you live ie is it better/worse to leave an older/younger child in a built up/remote location?

(delete as applicable!)

I ask because my aunt leaves her children who are older (12 and 9) for ages, she lives in the middle of nowehere though, I wuld have a hard time about this - but I live in the suburbs....would it be different if I were to move?

The big difference between a mother doing it and a paid worker doing it, as I see it, is that if I choose to take a risk with my children, well, if something goes wrong, it will be mostly me (and my kids) who is hurt. A nursery worker is taking a risk with someone else's children, which is a much bigger thing.

Crikey moses

Has this thing gone a bit Suzy or what?

Hi. I am a mum of 4 ( 9 , 6 , 5 and 5 months) I would never leave ANY of them on their own....not even for 5 minutes in the car or while I was in a shop etc. They are the most precious things in the world to me and just feel that nothing justifies putting them at risk. I know that the eldest is starting to want some freedom at times and have to admit that it scares the hell out of me. i am a young mum ( 24) and was regularly allowed out on my own at his age so maybe I am irrational.

It only takes once for something serious to happen

...so make sure you bind your children to you at all times.