Why can't I go out and leave my 3 year old asleep on his own in the house?

[FrannyandZooey]

Don't worry, I am not about to do this. But I have been musing about risk and safety recently and I am wondering if this really is as terribly unsafe as we all think it is. He doesn't wake up and will be asleep for 90 mins or more. Even if he did, he is a sensible child and is not going to fall down the stairs or drink bleach or anything. He would be worried that I was not there (which is my main reason for not doing it).

I know the argument is "what if there was a fire?"

But there isn't a fire, is there? How many fires start at random when there is no-one in the house but a toddler, fast asleep? I can see there is a small risk here - but it seems tiny to me. How does it compare with taking children out in the car? Crossing the road? Air travel? Being savaged by a dog?

As I say, please don't think I am about to go out and leave him - I'm not. But can someone explain to me why this would be absolutely unacceptable for me to do so, because I'm not getting it.

QE, I wouldn't care what the neighbours thought of me, I'd care that they could deliver me to the tender mercies of people who have real power over my life. What they think of me in the abstract is of no interest whatsoever; but what they can do to me in practice, is.

But Piglit you said the woman concerned could hear her baby and easily within returning distance? How does it differ having the monitor with her and being in hearing and going back home distance, and being in another room in the house with a monitor with her?

QueenMab, I agree - it's no difference, as long as you're in spitting difference, as it were.

I stopped doing it because I was worried what other people might think. And then my retired fireman father pointed out how many house fires start in unattended house from all the lectrical equipoment we have nowadays (computers, washing machines and AV equipment on standby are apparently the main culprits). Also, I too was living behind a wire on an army camp - house breakins aren't something I had to factor in. I wouldn't do it living on a normal street.

Electrical equipment, even...

sorry spitting distance.

Vulgar phrase.

not to mention tumble driers, washing machines and dishwashers catching fire, as some of the worst culprits..

when you say that the mum won't cross the road when she's out..what about the child crossing the road if it goes out while you are at the corner shop?

But taking that to its logical conclusion it would have been ok if she'd left her dd all night.

Leaving an older child for 5 mins is totally different IMHO than leaving a tiny baby. Think we are just going to have to agree to differ on this one.

My reasons for not doing this are:

• something could happen to me.

• even if I know for sure that ds will sleep for two hours, there might be a loud noise outside/police car, or someone knocking on the door, that wakes him. This is my main concern - that he wakes up unexpectedly early and finds himself alone. This would be distressing and also dangerous since no matter how mature/reliable/predictable a child is, you never know what they might decide to do next.

Also some things while very unlikely - burglar breaking in, fire starting, burst pipe - do happen.

I've nipped out to the post box, leaving dd asleep and ds watching tv (at age 2 and 4) - it's less than a minute to the post box, dd can't open her bedroom door, and ds is sensible. And realistically speaking, they're not going to have a disaster in less than a minute that could be avoided by being there.

I'm sure we're much more protective than we need to be - at age 6 I was going to the shops for my mum, which involved two roads being crossed (very quiet ones). How else do kids learn to be responsible?

And it is not necessarily safe at home - someone I knew was murdered in his own house, with his 3 year old there, he was a single parent, so the baby spent some days in the flat on his own with his dead father.

Think we all better take it in turns with our dh's to stay awake during the night so we can keep a watch on all the electrical equipment that may spontaneously combust when we are not looking......

tortiseshell i think i read about that in 2 magazines about the little boy and his dad

havent read all thread

but two women I know regularly leave their babies asleep at home while they do the school run

It does seem quite tempting on occasion but I am sure if I ever did it I would be mown down, leaving poor mite home alone

i am a total nightmare when it comes to electrical appliances i check the whole house twice before i head to bed to see that everything is unplugged, i still shiver when i hear sirens of fire engines

Oh dear, one of those threads is it!

Is is a Brit thing. My French neighbours used to go on the school run leaving their baby asleep in the house.
I've gone to collect ds from nursery leaving dd (5) when she was too ill to come out with me. I didn't lock the door and this is a safe area so I was confident there would be no burgalries in the 10 mins I was gone.

I've also left dd and ds strapped in the car when I've nipped out to the shop to buy essentials. Again, this is a safe area, I wouldn't do it in the UK at Morrisons for example.

As a parent you have to weigh up the risks yourselves and if anything does go wrong, well, it's on your head. I'm happy with most of the parenting decisions that I've made, there was only one incident that I regret that could have potentially been dangerous but I'm not going to tell what that was on Mumsnet because I'm too ashamed!

tortoiseshell that reminds me about the single mother who left her children (4 of them i think? age 6 mths to 5 yrs approx) all sitting on the couch in their jammies watching telly

she got the step ladder and sneaked up to the loft to get their xmas pressies (it was xmas eve) and she fell off the ladder, head injury, died there and then

they were alone for days, 5 yr old shouted at neighbour through letterbox

neighbour went in and found the older ones trying to feed the babies cornflakes, so very very sad

anyway , went off on one a bit there

i sit in next doors garden, whats the difference one side of the fence to the other? dd2's window is open therefore i can hear her cry if she wakes, dd1 (i wait til she has gone to sleep) knows to come downstairs and peep in the garden to see if im there if she needs me

its only an extra 6 inches ffs from my garden to theirs

i dont think i would go to the shop or anything, i have had situations where i have been out, got home, put dd's to bed then realised i forgot to get milk/bread at the shop

tempting, but i havent done it (shop is 10mins walk)

sorry about long post !

i have to wake dd2 up every afternoon to collect dd1 from playgroup

she could easy sleep another 30,40 mins

its just family life as mum would say

people have strong views on this, I have occasionally left my one year old twins asleep (locked in) outside playgroup while I nip in and pick up three year old. Do feel on edge while I am gone, but sometimes seems daft to wake them up just for three/five minutes at most.
Feel the odds of something happening are so low, that it is worth risk occasionally, when I wake them, they are cross, can't get back to sleep and I think "why didn't I just leave them asleep?"

My parents took my older brother into town on a Saturday when I was small. I remember waking up, getting out of my cot and wandering round the house looking for them.

Then I went back to my cot and cried.

I had completely forgotten this until a similar situation occurred.
I remembered then how much it had hurt to be left behind and how much it had affected my adult relationships.

in my car I meant!!

avalon

I walked past the local pub a few days ago ..quiet road no one around and was shocked to see two children straooed into car seats fast asleep..

long road when i got to the end they were still there..dubious i thought

I have left a sleeping baby in his cot whilst doing the school or nursery run (being out for 10 minutes max). I never particularly liked doing it and only did it when he wasn't likely to wake up (and he never did).
We live somewhere very quiet and down a long private road, so no loud vehicles pass. As for me having an accident whilst I'm out - well, TBH I'd rather he's in his cot in one piece but upset at being alone than injured in a car crash with me.
I wouldn't leave him on his own though once he was out of the cot, although dh and I do spend time in the garden in the evenings anyway and aren't within earshot then (we check on them every 5-10 minutes though).

It's a real catch 22 situation (like most things to do with motherhood - damned if you, damned if you don't).

Cheers, np.

LOL edam at you walking down the road and bumping into your DH (I know it's not really funny but something fainlty comic about it).

I don't think there is a rational answer to this one as such, it just feels wrong somehow.

All depends on the circumstances. I can do stuff here in France that I would never ever do in the UK. It's far far safer here.