Why can't I go out and leave my 3 year old asleep on his own in the house?

[FrannyandZooey]

Don't worry, I am not about to do this. But I have been musing about risk and safety recently and I am wondering if this really is as terribly unsafe as we all think it is. He doesn't wake up and will be asleep for 90 mins or more. Even if he did, he is a sensible child and is not going to fall down the stairs or drink bleach or anything. He would be worried that I was not there (which is my main reason for not doing it).

I know the argument is "what if there was a fire?"

But there isn't a fire, is there? How many fires start at random when there is no-one in the house but a toddler, fast asleep? I can see there is a small risk here - but it seems tiny to me. How does it compare with taking children out in the car? Crossing the road? Air travel? Being savaged by a dog?

As I say, please don't think I am about to go out and leave him - I'm not. But can someone explain to me why this would be absolutely unacceptable for me to do so, because I'm not getting it.

I often go out leaving my 3 year old and 18 month old asleep in their beds at night whilst 14 year old dd is downstairs watching MTV.

But Polgara I am sure we all put our children in cars when we don't 'have' to. There are other ways of getting around, and we all go out plenty of times when we don't 'have' to, just because we want to.

Yes I agree he would be upset if he woke up and that is why I would not do it. Mostly because I feel he would be unhappy, not because I think he would be in danger, but I can see that a scared child can behave unpredictably (I however think ds would just sit and cry and cry which is nearly as bad )

However the reasons that tend to be given for not doing it are that it is not safe, not that it might upset the child. And that is why social services might be interested. They aren't interested in all sorts of things that parents do which really distress their children but don't endanger them (such as cc - oh actually the NSPCC are interested in that)

We haven't had one of these discussions for ages. They used to come around on a regular basis.
I think you are right F&Z, it is all about calculated risk. I used to leave my sleeping babies & toddler alone in the house while I popped to corner shop 4 doors away. It isa distance less than the length of some people's gardens. In that instance, I calculated that the chance of my house going up in flames, exploding or me being run over, fainting or self-combusting were minimal. However, I think if you were planning to drive into town or a distance away while your child was asleep would carry much higher risks.
There was one poster on here who even took her children to the loo with her, because she was so worried that some mishap would occur without her - to me that seems unnecessarily over-protective but we all seem to have different "risk" radar.

And sorry if this has stirred things up for you zippi

I would never do it because I know how scared he would be if he woke up

oh no F & Z I just remember it as a formative experience

one of many

she came home with a wonderloaf I think or was it sunblest?

Does it make a difference if it was a baby, who can't move around or do anything dangerous or foolish? Funnily enough, when ds was a few weeks old, dp thought I had gone out to the post box leaving him asleep in the house (I hadn't, my parents were in the house).

He was slightly surprised but that was about it. I was devastated that he thought I would do such a thing. It completely upset me (out of all proportion in that marvellous new mother way). I would never have done it because I would rather have done myself harm than leave him crying on his own for half a minute.

I've been to the post box at the end of our road when ds is asleep. No different to doing the gardening when ds is asleep!!

they haven't got an emoticon fit to answer your sunblest post with, zippi

a mixture of and

Is the NSPCC interested in controlled crying?

"I was devastated that he thought I'd do such a thing". Hope you're not going to call the ss on me

LJ I understand what you are saying but to me it just seems different than going to the end of the garden (very different in my case as we only have a yard).

why though? People do the gardening for an hour say whilst baby sleeps in the house. Postbox is one minute walk!!

i think a letterbox visit is quicker than the length of the road and a chitter chatter with the shop keeper and a dither over the shopping..

of course my mum then had to put up with me bringing the subject up for the next 40 years during which time she maintained that i was making it up!

Because its sods law that something would happen if they were left alone.

LJ, no, no, I was offended beyond words because this was the first time I had let him out of my SIGHT! I was the archetypal over-protective new mother

Dinosaure, yes, I believe they are against it, and other methods recommended by certain childcare gurus who cannot be named.

I dont know, it probably isn't any different but I still can't bring myself to do it. I have a 3 year old and a 7 month old though so would be wary of leaving her alone with him. If I had a garden and if I took to gardening chances are they would both be out there with me anyway playing (big believer in fresh air lol).

Oh God, why does no-one tell you these things in time .

If I am going to the garden, I will have the baby monitor with me so I can hear if ds wakes up, but if I went to the postbox etc, it would be out of range, so I am happy to leave him in the house to go in the garden, but no further.

Ds is 4 and he sleeps through quite happily, however, if for some reason I am not in bed at about 1am hecomes looking for me. I wuld wonder if I left the house if te same thing would happen - i.e. if he was asleep in teh day and always stays asleep - is this because he knows I am there and is secure and therefore would it be possible taht he would wake if I was not there IYSWIM.

Also - it would make me think of those NSPCC adds of LO in a cot who doesn't cry cause no-one comes....makes me cry every tiem I see that

what a really interesting question - I agree with you F&Z it is not really a high risk situation, but one of those things people don't do (at least nowadays!)

I must confess I once drove the car around the block to park it in a better spot when they were both in bed. I was gone about 3 minutes and no terrible thing happened!

I have been in the garden doing some mundane task such as pegging out washing when the kids are in the house alone and awake - so that was probably more dangerous!

However, I do go outside to do my garden etc. I have a long garden so couldn't hear if they woke up - is that the same thing or not? I often wonder this and do feel uncomfortable about doing it so I guess for me it is similar?

also assuming you have a modest garden ie not small in the aristocratic sense but in the suburban sense then child would probably know about your gardening habit and look out of the window or open back/front door and see you

I pop out to see my MIL when DSs are asleep. She lives next door though and I am able to hear them if one wakes up crying. If I am going to be in there a while I take the baby monitor with me.

Ooh forgot about this it was so long ago!

Once went into garden to do washing on line and dd1 woke up - she was 3ish.

Sje locked the back door because she had just learnt how to!

When I called to her to unlock the door she went upstairs and hid under her bed giggling - dd2 was very small and I was terrified, ended up turning garden bench on end and balancing on windowsill telling her it was not funny etc etc...

Knew there was a reason I don't leave keys in the door anymore!

So - that is a good reason not to IMO!

Know what you mean F&Z and probably would feel the same but a friend of mine had to help get a child out of a burning house once and it just makes me feel to sick to think of it....