Parenting stuff you're glad no one told you?

[Whistleforit]

It's the freaking mess, the tidal wave of plastic crap, the Daily Mail-esque rage when some bureaucrat says your kid can't go to a decent school, the old friends who have stinky, nitty kids that you can hardly bare to see anymore.... Probably best that people just stick to sleep deprivation & the cost.

What are you glad no one told you?

Poo can go projectile. That's right, that you can get splattered, with yellow gooey stinky stuff, in the middle of the night, just as you're about to put on a fresh nappy.

The amount of criticism helpful advice that will be offered to you by your friend, that relative, the old family friend, that person you bump into once a week, the random stranger on the bus...

That no matter what you do, or say, or think, you will definitely probably compromise on your parenting ideals.

That yes, the first two years (and associated stress and sleep deprivation) do fly by - in the smug position of hindsight. When you're four months in and knackered and people tell you they pretty much all sleep through by the age of 2 so enjoy them because they're only tiny for a short while, you have 3 thoughts...

1. Thats 20 whole months away. About 600 days!
2. And even then I don't have a guarantee
3. Easy for you to say on your six hours unbroken sleep

That your roar if someone does wrong by your child.

That no matter how old they are, or how big, you will always feel a pang of guilt if you have to leave them.

That one day you will wake up and a small child hasn't crept into your bed at night and you will miss them.

If a small child poos in the bath you have to opt for the scoop method or drain method and try and clean the bath quickly before said small child shivers as they wait for a fresh bath.

They grow so fast.

What SPB said about enjoing them and the sleep deprivation...

Also that for the last seven years, I would cry at every milestone... smiling, laughing, talking, crawling, walking, going to school... have cried at every first.. partly because you're proud but partly because every milestone needs they are a little less dependent on you and they are growing up...

And that it doesnt matter how long you try and make that childhood last... it is never enough time, never ever ever...

Means* they are a little less dependent...
Stupid crying over thread topics...

The constant, relentless worrying about them. Even when they're grown up.

The morbid worry and fear. What if I trip walking downstairs carrying the baby and bang his head on the banister? What if my toddler manages to wrestle out of my grasp and charges into the road? What if I turn around for a second because ds1 has fallen from the swings and someone abducts dd2? What if something, anything, happened to any of my dc's??

That trips away without the kids will never be the same as they were pre-children, because despite longing for the occasional parenting break, when you finally get a couple of days away you constantly miss the little blighters darlings.

I second the comment above about mess. Mess doesn't begin to cover the extent of world-war-three-esque destruction that occurs in our house on a daily basis. Dd2 has just learned how to pull out all the toy drawers in the living room and tip out all the (tiny, pointy, hazardous for babies like dd2 who immediately puts everything into mouth) toys all over the floor.

That I will never see the bottom of my laundry basket again.

That after 7 years I still can't count on an uninterupted night's sleep

Thanks DD

The washing. We used to do the whole week, bedding, towels inc on just Saturday. Now it's 2 or 3 loads a day.

Oh misdee - perfect - I relate to ALL your points.

'Slipping through my fingers'

That when you go to bed at night you will have to move the toys that have been 'tucked in'. Tonight was a football and a Dora doll.

That the pre school years are hell and drag on and on, but looking back they fly by and are gone just like that

That babies are the cheap, easy and less messy part of parenting (after the carnage and pain of the first couple of months).

Hell, I used to put toys away while they napped, if they wore several sleep suits a day they were a no brainer to wash and dry and the cost of a nice pushchair is nothing compared to school uniform / shoes / Lego.

And the worry. I was bad before kids but now I'm off the scale.

That each child takes a little piece of your heart.

I have just spent 2 hours settling little miss (6th child, 17months old), and once she had stopped screaming, I carried her asleep in my arms to bed and my heart melted. How did we create life so beautiful?

(I am very sleep deprived ATM)

That sometimes you think that your baby doesn't actually like you.

MJP - so true

That it is perfectly normal to wonder how you created something so utterly beautifully perfect, and then half an hour later wonder how you ever spawned this devil child.

They will put you through the wringer, that's for sure. Several times a day sometimes.

The unrelenting guilt.
No matter how hard you try to do your best for your children, you will be dogged by a sense that you could be trying hard, doing better. And then something bad happens and confirms that you can't protect your child and smooth their way for them - and you feel even more guilty.

The laughter.
I have never laughed so often, so long or so hard. They are seriously funny little people.

The ironing will never be finished..... EVER!!

That being a mum is physically hard work as well as mentall/emotionally. I feel like I have run a marathon every day chasing around after DS (9mo), my knees are all crusty and scabby from spending all day kneeling on a variety of uncomfy floors, my elbows ache from carrying him, my back is fuct from carrying him in the womb....I am basically falling to pieces! Should have done this when I was younger and my body could cope!!

Yep Botticelli, been thinking about the physicality of it today. A friend is 8 mins pg for the first time and complaining (!) that her dh tells her not to lift or carry things. No one tells you that by pg three you are hauling toddlers in & out of cars, baths, beds, cots, ditches and no one bats a bloody eyelid.

When mine were small, I found the intense physicality and physical intimacy rather draining. Now mine are getting older and don't need me physically in the same way and I am missing the session of a tough little body flung willy nilly into my arms, arms clasped tight around my neck, legs around my waist. It is all so much more sedate nowadays.

The overwhelming feeling of responsibility. That decisions you make now may or may not affect them in the future. I carry that 'weight' on my shoulders all of the time. Did me raising my voice scare her? My decision to breastfeed her until 2 years old help her? Did our decision to move house, resulting in me working more hours affect her?.... on and on are the questions going around in my head and they rarely let up.

As well as everything you have all said too!
I would never tell a new mum to be this though it ruins the surprise factor

That one day your child will turn to you and look upon you with some derision because you have misunderstood something really basic that they understood first time. And you will realize that yes, they are correct and you have officially damaged your brain function/capacity by having some form of prolonged 'baby brain'.

This happened to me recently with my 8 year old.

That wiping that little bogey of his face will come... and come... and come... and fifteen minutes later you'll have a 2ft snot like mozarella with a toe on the end! How does SO MUCH snot fit up such a tiny nose?

That sometimes you'll be on the floor with tiredness but still find yourself watching them sleep.

That you'd rather smack yourself in the face with a frying pan than hear them crying because they got a booboo.

That however many photos and video you take, you'll still think you should take more.

That you'd be criticised by someone, anyone, on every choice you make (sleeping arrangements, bf/ff, buggy, sling, toys, food, tv, sahm or go back to work, childcare, schooling....).

That however much you trust your instincts and just smile&nod, you will want to punch people.

That at some moments the pure love and protection you feel for that dc will knock you for six.

That one day you'd join Mumsnet - you can check in but you can never check out