Things your toddler says that fill you with dread....

[meso]

ie this morning my toddler said 'Mummy my tiara fell in the toilet but its ok, I took it out again'

Obviously said with tiara now back on her head......

Mummy I done a sick in my bum.

(Means he has farted and followed through)

Silence...the silence gives me the fear more than anything!!

This. Definitely this.

Or a simple "Oh oh..."

"Oh deeyar, broken." "Oh no. Broke."
Best one recently was her hiding under my skirt and then pulling down the back of my pants to sniff and declaring loudly "POO POO, Mummy. Yuck!"
Of course, I had done no such thing, she was just paying me back I suspect. Not easy to explain to a park full of people though!

"Oh dear"
"It's not good"
"I've got good news and bad news. Mainly bad".

Said by my then 4 year old
"I cut my hair mummy"

The number of these that are poo related is brilliant.

DD (22mo) says 'uh-ohhhh...' with alarming frequency.

"Mummy I dropped my book " said by my dd as she was standing next to me as we were on a bridge looking at a stream . It was of course her favourite book that floated downstream... She was 3 at that the time and still remembers it at aged 20 !!

driving ........ "I did sick myself"

Awww, and ugh! in equal measures

DS aged nearly 3 says "I don't want you to look at me" usually when he has pooed himself/somewhere. It is rare but he says it every time, like he is genuinly ashamed!! Bless him, he has done so well getting out of nappies and the odd accident is inevitable, he knows this.

"I didn't mean to" feels me with dread.
Last time she had cut the cats fur to its skin!!

This is my favourite thread ever. No arguments or disagreements, just lots of lols. I love toddlers!

"Daddy!!!" spoken to a random stranger.

Referring to "him" who is usually a woman.

I have got used to this now (it still happens, he's 4). I have some good comeback retorts. (e.g. "No, that's the other daddy").

"Oh No"
"It falled" when she deliberately drops something.
"Stuck"
"NNNGGGG Its heavy" can be anything from a toy to trying to roll her daddy off the bed onto the floor.

When DS1 was around he used to call anyone of a "certain age", granny or grandpa (thanks Peppa). A few times I pretended I just didn't know whose child it was and walked on but, dissatisfied by my reaction DS1, would then take my hand and get me right in front of the person and point "grandpa"! When they were 60 or so it was ok as they'd laugh and say they were indeed grandpa/granny to someone. Not so fun when the person was barely 30, especially when you're in the GP waiting room...

Still DS1: he's unbeatable on all things cars and can recognise all the different badges (yawn, yawn). His father taught him by getting him to memorise the different logos like one's a lion with wings (Vauxall?), one is a diamond ect. When it came to Land Rovers DH told him "oh, don't worry, that's just a boring one" because it's just a badge with Land Rover on it. Now whenever DS1 sees one he goes with his foghorn of a voice: "oh no mummy, Land Rover, that's just the boooooooooring one"! And do you know how often he's done that while the owner of the given car is standing next to it? Very.

Recently he also told one of his little friends that her mummy had a baby in her tummy, when she obviously hadn't. M.O.R.T.I.F.I.E.D

My DD's (10) first word was 'Damn it!' and 'F**k off mummy' and 'I'm going play with dildo' (she meant the LEGO Duplo)

"I want to do it myself" basically means the task I have in mind will now take 1 hour longer than normal.

"I want to throw the baby across the room when it comes out" I don't think she would but I don't trust her.

My son, when trying to prove the existence of God - as you do - assured his friends that he could see God's great big nose poking out from behind the clouds.

'I won't do that again!' (Said as toddler was just about to do that again).
'I want too much!' (Said in open rebellion against me telling my mother, 'Don't give her too much.').

My grand daughter (4) asked me: 'Where do dead people go?' When I said I didn't know, she told me that her friend had a dead daddy and granddad, and she said dead people go and lie down in a room full of dead people.

3 yo has in last week started yelling poo-poo-ca-caaaaa all the time (ideas on how to discourage welcomed).

'Mummy I love my new swimming teacher Lucas because he is brown'. This is at holiday club so I don't know Lucas.

"Nema mind. Dat's ok." DD 2y3m Repeating what I tell her when she has an accident in her pants.
Last time this happened she had painted the white carpet in her room with poo and trod in it, all the way up the white carpeted stairs.
I'm LOVING potty training. Not.

DN once told her nursery teacher she was going to be a slapper girl for halloween and have a wee skirt and make up... she meant a flapper girl because i was dressing as one for a party. Being asked to stay behind and told why a slapper is not appropriate for a 3yo was bad :(

My DH was drying DD (aged 2) hair with his towel. Im weird about towels so stupidly said to DH 'don't use that towel you dry your sweaty ball bag with that.'

Cue DD asked 'what does that mean?' And cause I ignored her she has ran about all day shouting 'sweaty ball bag'

Gonna have to watch my language and hope she forgets before going to CM tomorrow!!

Ds1 sitting on the sofa in the bank, by a queue of people, while I am paying in cheques and half keeping an eye on him:

"Squeak squeak SQUEAK! Look Mummy, a mouse!"

Turn round to find he has found a tampon in my bag, shredded it, and has been waving it by the string, watched by a number of amused Barclays customers....

'Oops.' That's what I dread. Oops.

ICBINEG, urr dah urrr dah ma pa cuma ta??? Context? Singing, pointing? Time or place specific? I'd love to know what this one is so if you have a lightbulb moment do post!

We had 'blah blah whiny incomprehensible' from the back of the car. 'What's that, young Hat?' 'Blah blah whiny incomprehensible' again ... and repeat several times, with DC getting crosser and crosser until she managed to snarl 'I NOT FEELING TOO GAND!' - grand - as it turns out we must say when a bit poorly, but never really noticed until she picked it up.

DS2 - Mum ds1 told me Im not allowed to tell you something but I cant remember what it is.

Ds1, Mum you know your vase!

Benji's mum... Bahaha!!!!!
Caught DD eating a tampon the other day while the satellite dish guy was over to install a new dish...