Things your toddler says that fill you with dread....

[meso]

ie this morning my toddler said 'Mummy my tiara fell in the toilet but its ok, I took it out again'

Obviously said with tiara now back on her head......

Worst moment
Mummy ds was playing absailing with me and is stuck on their neck.

DS materialises by my bed at 6 in the morning:

"Mummy. Bad news."

Oh crap ZumbaZara - hope everyone was ok??

Everyone was fine. DC had taken a ball of string and tied themselves to the climbing frame and jumped. They were fast and clever and full of adventure that summer. The string had caught around ds neck and under his arm. It was a heart stopping moment.

DD has worked out that the only thing that will definitely get our attention is "heeeeeelp, heeeeeeeelp". So far it hasn't meant anything that warranted calling for help, but it still fills me with dread each time.

'Oscar duddle' which means my 23 month old is going to try and lift my 7 week out out of his bouncy chair by his head!

"Badie... Where is?"

Means where is my blankie? (If blankie is lost - hell breaks loose )

...DD age 20 months.

I Sorry mummy is usually a good indication something isn't quite as it should be. Closely followed by uh-oh.

"Poo....hand"

Always a bad sign.

And "and...big jump!" is pretty frightening

("Good news is I want to dance" made me literally pee my pants. So so funny)

Ds (6) usually starts a confession by saying 'love you mummy'

Dd (almost 3) says 'me no did it mummy' then after finally admitting it says 'I no even care 'bout it, it toopid'

"Too late..."

Sigh.

Sorry as said by my 2 year old. When nothing seems amiss and he has't done anything as far as i can see. Makes me anxious.

'Mummmmmmmy! It's gone everywhere!'

Icbineg - it's 'Oh dear oh dear my poo's coming out'

Oh these are making me crease with laughter!

Mine is 'nuffink' and 'stuff' from my 3 yr old when asked what she is up to from another room.

'I'm going shopping' is another one. It means she has got hold of a bag/container which will be filled with random objects she collects from around the house. Takes ages to put it all back.

Mummy I've shared my hula hoops with lily (7 months )

Only that a few weeks ago I ceased to be called mummy and am now addressed as "tits".

'I pooed myself mummy'
Coming down stairs at the grandparents house covered in poo. She had an accident while having a nap and tried to 'clean it up'. The bathroom was like a festival chemical loo. Poo everywhere! Then there was little poo foot prints all the way down stairs. In my weird mummy 'everything my child does is amazing' state of mind I think it is actually quite sweet that she had tried to sort it out herself.

Not words exactly but yesterday DD told me she needed to wipe her bottom as she had done a poo (she hadn't...), so she went and got herself the whole roll of some loo roll, wiped her bum and then proceeded to use the same piece of loo roll to wipe her face . I think I stopped her just in time

"Ooh! Eggs!"

DS2 got to the shopping before I'd unpacked it. I think one survived...

"Oh dear, poo all o-fer the place"

and

"Ooooh looooook, dis is a nice knife"

Muuuuuuuum, Maggies got a poo bag. Again.

Said by my 9 yo. So not a toddler but fills me with an 'oh fuck' feeling.

Maggie is our whippet. Poo bags are DPs stoma bags, which are filled with poo. He is supposed to empty his bin every morning but does sometimes forget.

Maggie dog is a bit keen on poo. She likes her own poo and fox poo and chicken poo and pony poo. But really loves poo from the stoma bags which is a special kind of vile. She steals them from the bin and then shakes them really hard to get the poo out.

I have cream carpets. And always a huge bottle of disinfectant. Boak.

Silence...the silence gives me the fear more than anything!!

Always to fill me with dread is when my DS 2 gets up and leaves a room clearly with a idea or mission and says as he goes "Don't worry mummy. I be careful."