Things your toddler says that fill you with dread....

[meso]

ie this morning my toddler said 'Mummy my tiara fell in the toilet but its ok, I took it out again'

Obviously said with tiara now back on her head......

"Mummy I can't get the screwdriver out!"

A few dreaded phrases:

"I'm going to get EVERYTHING out..." [muttered by small child whilst disappearing into the living room]

"I can FLY!" [By 4 and a half year old ds, impersonating Buzz Lightyear]

"I'm sorry, Mummy..." [Precedes nasty discovery of some broken / mangled household object]

"mummy come kick it's a mergency"

The very simple "uh oh"

And then the ones where my toddler is somewhere with her 5yo sister and DD1 shouts something like "Mummy is DD2 allowed to put barbies in the toilet".... Me (running)" of course not"... Her "oh dear"

"mummy I did a poo and I cleaned it all up by my elf... There's just a tiny bit left on the floor but it's ok my sock covered it"

And the one that terrified me most of all... Coming home from a run and as I get into our street I hear "hiya mummy" look up and there she is looking like she is standing up on a chair just inside the open window. I PANIC and start running towards the house lifting my phone to try and get hold of DH as I've no keys out with me... Then b*** DH appears from behind the curtains laughing and it becomes apparent she was in his arms the whole time... could have killed him... So hello mummy was the one that put the fear of God in me!

"oh no look what u doned"

"no bubba(brother) mummys gota go shopping = they are either in my fridge or the cupboards.

I like swimming = they have flooded my bathroom yet again and doing breaststroke on soaking wet floor.

'I like swimming'

There's a bit of a problem. .......

Uh oh...

He's not talking much yet but generally the second the babble stops we're in for a treat. Today it was all the jars of jam/pickle etc moved from the kitchen cupboards to the drawers in the tables in my mum's living room.

'It's ok mummy,' when called from another room.

I pretty much sprint when I hear that.

Did poo. Dog eat it.

"Mummy, don't come in here, OK?"

DD (3) "I'm beeeehaaaaainnng !" said in a sing songy voice usually means she's up to no good.

In Boots last week the guy in front of us in the queue farted and I thought I was going to faint, Christ knows what he had been eating. DD announced in her loudest possible voice "Poooeeeeh ! That's a stinky one!" The guy looked mortified.

"Look, Mummy, I have brushed my hair!"
said by 3-year-old DS. He has used the toilet brush.

"Mummy, when I was a baby, I came out of your bits, didn't I?"

Um, yes.

"I need a nappy change"

Except she's (allegedly) toilet trained, and this means she's crapped her pants.

Javotte - that made me laugh!

"Don't look" usually means a messy loo accident.

"Tree foo tom" means I am about to jump off the top of the stairs and I don't care whether there's anyone below to catch me or not.

Generally the warning is in the tone of voice when she says 'mummmmmeeeeeeeee'.

"Mummy, I've got the scissors"

Shouted very loudly in Sainsburys by 2 year old DS " I want Booby in shop fease mummy" (yes, I do still BF and wished to God I had called it something other than Booby!) Never been so embarrassed!

"Mummy don't come near me"

From DD aged 3. Invariably means poo accident in knickers.

My sister's wedding a few years ago... Right in the middle of the vows (could hear a pin drop), DS (2) shouts at the top of his voice I'VE GOT A POO. I'm stood at the front with the other bridesmaids sporting a face as red as my frock mortally embarrassed whilst everyone else roars with laughter. The worst bit was the cheeky git hadn't had a poo - he was bored and wanted some attention. I'll never let him forget that one.

When I was young (about 5 or 6) we were at sunday school and had a new sunday school teacher and when she asked my mum if i was her only daughter i jumped in and said 'no I have two big brothers but the youngest brother was a mistake'

My mum was absolutely mortified hehe :D

Very specific and to/ about other people recently:

In a posh restaurant recently that was fairly quiet ' wow that man has a very bald head'

On a bus recently ' is the reason I have to stand up because that ladies bottom is on 2 whole seats'!!

Ds1= 3years, ds2 2 years. Usually it's ds1 saying ' oh ds2 what have you done'... Or ' ds2 I don't think the grown ups are going to like it'

' oh, urm, oh no'

Kat-PUT! Which is her way of saying something is kaputt.

Worst individual one was 'Bye bye Thomas!' Said of her beloved, treasured, kissed, cuddled, favourite toy - a talking Thomas the tank engine. She uttered this whilst dangling him over the landing balcony, a few seconds before letting him go, where he fell two flights of stairs, directly onto the concreted cellar floor.

Thomas has never been quite the same since. He's now called Crazy Thomas.

'mama mama oh noooo!!!!!'

he's 18 months so thats for anything i never know what i'm walking into