Things your toddler says that fill you with dread....

[meso]

ie this morning my toddler said 'Mummy my tiara fell in the toilet but its ok, I took it out again'

Obviously said with tiara now back on her head......

"Look what I did, mummy "- referring to the gigantic man-sized poo she'd just done on the living room floor, which, thankfully, is wooden.

"uh oh, accident"

Although to be fair, she does sometimes say that to get a rise out of me.

Me: are you ok, DC3?
DC3: Nothing!

My DS1 announced to his nursery school that "Mummy wears knickers". Well as his teacher pointed out, that's better than the alternative!

Deviating slightly from topic....

My daughter (I have b/g twins who are 5 next week) ADORES my sister's boyfriend, and I mean ADORES. If he is around, DH and I simply cease to exist.

Upon attending our first Reception Open Evening last October her teacher, rather red-facedly informed us that DD had told her, "Daddy isn't really my daddy, it's really Uncle Dave, we just TELL everyone it's daddy"!!!

Luckily, DD is DH's IMAGE and so was not believed.... and my reputation remains intact.

More ON TOPIC... the phrase, "I'm going to the toilet but I don't need any help" practically guarantees that... well, shall we say... the 'event' has already begun in her underwear....

"I farted-ed" = The nappy from hades awaits

"Oh dear tomato!" = He's pulled a green tomato off the plant

"No, no, no" = repeated in a meditative fashion to himself while doing something to which he knows I will say no as soon as I see him

My favourite ever was at my brother's for a dinner party. Kids upstairs in bed, main meal dished up and literally the second we picked up our forks to eat eldest niece comes down the stairs...

"Mummy Mummy DN2 found a poo! But it's ok because she flinged it"

A poo rolled out of her pants, onto the floor and they flicked it under the bed.

I laughed myself stupid for about 10 minutes One day my son will be old enough for perfect comic timing to embarrass the fuck out of me but until then....

"uh oh..."

"Mummy I can't get my head out..." That one nearly gave me a heart attck at 7:30 am on a Sunday morning.

Mine isn't yet speaking but there are still some sounds it's best not to ignore.

The tap tap tapping that DP reacted to the other day indicted that she can now open the dishwasher. And take out the sharpest knife we own. And attempt to carve herself a slice of Soreen on the kitchen floor.

He swears he only left er for 2 seconds...

The only one I can think of, I'm sure there will be others when she is older.

Me: "Just go Night night!" Very frustrated at trying to put her to bed for the last hour
Her: "Booob!" With pointing at my chest in case I needed clarification.

Uh oh! Is always very bad news for us.

mummy, I did a wee in the potty! Muuuummmmyyyyyy, the baby's playing with the wee...

'Mummy, cuddle' - it means he's done something he knows I won't like but thinks he can get out of being told off with cuteness.

Manipulative isn't the word!

My 2.5 year old dd walked past the kitchen carrying a large ball. I then heard her shout 'catch' to her 6 month old brother!

'Mummy me hold baby' - I had to stop weeing halfway and run to the lounge with my pants around my ankles.

Not so much what he says... it's when he goes quiet that I worry. DS is 2.5 and the last silent event turned out to be him experimenting in what would happen if he emptied an entire tub of sudocreme into the carpet, tipped talcum powder on it and rubbed it in...

I swear, a week before he could not reach the top of his dresser. ..

DD3 aged about 2.5: "Don't worry Mummy, I wiped your phone!"

"Mummy, he hurt me first!" screamed at me while heading towards me at full pelt by DS2 (3) followed by sobbing sibling (6) clutching various part of his anatomy that has been bitten, hit, punched etc.
It has been a trying week, and I am open to any suggestions!

Come see what my done!

buswanker that made me snort my coffee out my nose, we have a 2 year age gap as well and I swear the number of grey hairs has tripled since baby was born!

Not helped by midwife telling me that more babies end up in hospital from over enthusiastic 'cuddles' or 'helpfulness' from older siblings than from jealousy/violence.

"Mummy why does the lady have a big blanket? It's to warm!!" saying this very loud on the bus and pointing at a women wearing a burka....needless to say mummy felt like throwing herself out the window

Also, always get worried when I hear "I'm ok mummy, it's ok" coming from the other corner of the house!

"it's got poo on it"