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Parenting

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Original poster

Does anyone really want a second child?

49 replies

Notsoyummymummy1 · 02/07/2013 23:14

Literally everyone I talk to who has had a second child says they did so to give their first child a sibling. People keep telling me to have another one and their only reason is to give dd a playmate! I look at posts on Mumsnet about people agonising over whether to put themselves through it all again because they feel guilty for having an "only" child. I just really wonder does anyone ever have a second child for themselves or is it always for the benefit of the first born?

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PearlyWhites · 02/07/2013 23:16

I did and a third and fourth would now like a fifth .....

Cheeseatmidnight · 02/07/2013 23:25

I have a 2.6 dd and everyone is asking me when number 2 is coming. I want another to have a larger family, but worry about impact on dd. I also worry about her being an only child.

I would love her to have company, but tbh I am a childminder and I am fully aware of how much children can clash.

steppemum · 02/07/2013 23:26

well, it is about the whole family as well as the child.

But then the first child is also about turning you as a couple into a family in some way.

after ds, I did understand how you could be content with just one, in a way I had never understood before, as i got so much pleasure from him.

So when we came to number 2, I really wanted to do that again - the whole thing about meeting a new person and enjoying watching them develop.

and I did it again for dc3. Then I knew I didn't want to do it again, and part of that was the sense that as a family we were complete.

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MortifiedAdams · 02/07/2013 23:27

I would have been perfectly happy to leave dd as an only. I just one day decided I wanted another baby. I worry that those who decide to "have a sibling" will find it very hard if and when their kids dont get along.l together.

VanellopePitstop · 02/07/2013 23:29

I desperately wanted a second, not just so that our eldest wouldn't be an only child at all.

I want baby #3 but we can't afford it in the long run I think, so only 2 for me.

kotinka · 02/07/2013 23:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jinsei · 02/07/2013 23:34

Well...if you'd asked me a few years ago, I'd have said that I wanted a sibling for dd. These days, I feel really wistful at how quickly dd is growing up and I just like the idea of having another baby. It looks increasingly unlikely in any case, and I am resigned to having one. :(

Fortunately, dd is very happy being an "only", and is never lonely as she has a whole army of friends to play with. She also benefits from all of the extra attention that an only child gets, and we can afford for her to do stuff that she probably couldn't do if we had other children. It would have been lovely for her to have had a sibling, but I'm not convinced that she is any worse off for not having one.

As for me, I'd still like another baby, but I even question that sometimes. We have been incredibly lucky with dd in so many ways, we're very happy as a family unit and I don't know if I'd want to risk that. I often wonder if we might have a very different experience of parenting second time around - and while having another child just like dd would be fantastic, they don't come with guarantees, do they?! Possibly a case of being careful what you wish for...

Cheeseatmidnight · 02/07/2013 23:43

Ha ha jinsei, totally summed it up for me!

Jinsei · 02/07/2013 23:46

:) Cheese

ByHecuba · 02/07/2013 23:56

I would love a second child (though not quite yet). Having seen my DD's personality emerging, I can't wait to see who turns up next time. There is an aspect of wanting them to have each other to care about in later life, but of course there's no guarantee they'll get on.
It's not on that people are making you feel pressured though, OP.

stargirl1701 · 03/07/2013 00:00

Oh yes. I do. DH does. It's been an adventure with DD but we would love another. God willing!

MollyMollyMolly · 03/07/2013 00:09

I had a girl first and then 22 months later a little boy. I really wanted another child because I felt broody.

ToomuchIsBackOnBootcamp · 03/07/2013 00:10

I have one DS and am totally happy with that. Have never really felt the need to provide him with a sibling or had a longing for another baby for myself. I sometimes see him being cute with a younger child and have a moment of "Awww" but it doesn't last!
I do get pissed off with people who say stuff like "JUST the one?" With raised eyebrows like its so extraordinary. It's not that unusual, fgs!

delasi · 03/07/2013 00:22

I genuinely didn't realise that people ever plan for a second child purely to give the first a sibling...

We currently have one child (under 1) but we are already talking about when we'll think about trying for our second. For no other reason than we both want another child and have always pictured our family containing at least two children (quite possibly three, ask me later!). I was actually more concerned that there could be a 'negative' impact on DS, by not being able to give him same attention/DC2 the kind of attention he has had to date, but MN has put my mind at rest on that topic

If for some reason we didn't have more children then I wouldn't be worried about DS not having playmates - apart from the fact that we know a lot of parents of young children, he has us and more to the point he will make friends at nursery/school when the time comes.

PleaseDoNotAdjustYourSet · 03/07/2013 07:58

I'm 33+3 with dc2 and my primary reason wasn't necessarily to give dc1 a playmate. It was more a com inaction of feeling the family wasn't complete, dc1 to have a sibling / have each other, us wanting another child to love, and because we wanted the dynamics of our family to be 2 parents 2 children.

I don't believe that children will be friends for life necessarily just because they're siblings or close in as, although that would be wonderful if they were close like that.

PleaseDoNotAdjustYourSet · 03/07/2013 07:59

Should read combination.

SanityClause · 03/07/2013 08:06

I always wanted two girls, because my sister and I were very close. I remember how lovely it was with just the two of us, before my other four siblings came along.

So I wanted that for my family.

But, it didn't happen. I had my two girls, but DD1 has hated being part of a larger family, right from the start. She has bullied DD2, and it seems they are constantly bickering. We now also have DS, and DD2 and he gets along better with either than DD1 gets along with her siblings (unless she is in a mood to get along with them).

There is no reason why an only child should be lonely, and I would certainly not have further siblings to let them be friends, because they may well not be. Have them if you want them, but not for your existing child.

CPtart · 03/07/2013 08:17

I never particularly wanted another child after DS 1 but did so because I thought I might regret it when older and also to give DS a sibling.

It has been far and away the single best decision we have ever made.

They are now 10 and 8. Some days they get on, some they don't, but to see their relationship develop is heart warming. Their little conversations in the back of the car, the younger asking the elder things, and the availability of another child to share experiences with of days out and family holidays with instead of hanging about with mum and dad all time.

Hard work and expensive childcare in the early days but so so worth it.

QTPie · 03/07/2013 08:17

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

TheFallenNinja · 03/07/2013 08:20

Yes. They will be the ground floor of my child benefit pyramid scheme

mrsravelstein · 03/07/2013 08:23

yep i definitely wanted a 2nd, and 3rd, and would have had 4th if poss too

KnittedWaffle · 03/07/2013 08:29

It never crossed my mind to have another baby so DD would have a sibling. DCs 2 and 3 were much wanted as babies with the added bonus of being siblings!

I feel like my baby-quota is complete now so don't want more, even though people go on about even numbers and middle child. plus I don't have anyone to provide the other half of the genes now!

beginnings · 03/07/2013 08:31

I'm 29 weeks today and the primary reason was to give DD a sibling. Not so much for when she's little, she's another one with lots of friends, but more for the support in later life. I've watched both my parents care for elderly and very infirm parents and have appreciated the benefit of having more than one pair of hands to help with that.

Also I think we don't entirely feel complete. I'm certain I'm finished at two though. I genuinely don't care what gender this child is so I wouldn't be having another one to address that need.

I always thought I'd like more than two but I'm 36 and frankly, in my case, this pregnancy malarkey feels like it's a younger woman's game. I don't want to do it again.

TanglednotTamed · 03/07/2013 08:45

I desperately wanted a second after my first. And then a third.

Now, I would 'quite like' a fourth, but we're not having one, and I'm okay with that.

I wanted each of my children for themselves.

RubyrooUK · 03/07/2013 08:57

I wanted DS2 just for himself.

Both DH and I have siblings and like them, so we did like the idea of DS1 having a sibling, but mainly we wanted another one for us. DS1 has brought such joy to our family that we wanted to see who the next person to join would be.

And DS2 is SO different from DS1, I am really excited to get to know him too. DS1 was a really sensitive, emotional baby (and he still is very complex and emotional) whereas DS2 is just so happy-go-lucky and makes everyone laugh. And DS1 absolutely adores his little brother.

Anyway, the worst thing is that although both boys are horrendously hard work, I am pretty sure I want another one in a couple of years. Again, not really for the boys, although DS2 has been brilliant for DS1, but just because I like adding more people I love to my family.

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