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Original poster

Does anyone really want a second child?

49 replies

Notsoyummymummy1 · 02/07/2013 23:14

Literally everyone I talk to who has had a second child says they did so to give their first child a sibling. People keep telling me to have another one and their only reason is to give dd a playmate! I look at posts on Mumsnet about people agonising over whether to put themselves through it all again because they feel guilty for having an "only" child. I just really wonder does anyone ever have a second child for themselves or is it always for the benefit of the first born?

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badfaketan · 03/07/2013 17:21

I desperately wanted a second and it couldn't have happened soon enough.It was definitely for me,not to give them a sibling.
I just thought having a baby and seeing them develop into a little person was the most amazing thing ever.
I've now got 3.
Although there are lots of benefits of having siblings I'm aware that I can't give each one enough attention.They are fairly close in age and all still quite needy in different ways.
We've talked about having a 4th and this would definitely be for us,not them.I don't think we will though but if we did I don't think their life would be improved by having another sibling.

cory · 03/07/2013 18:03

I longed for dc 2 far more urgently and desperately than I longed for dc 1, to the point of almost breaking down in tears when my period came. All about me, never mind dd.

Dackyduddles · 03/07/2013 18:07

I had second just for having her and I'm grateful every day. Tbh I think no1 wished I hadn't but hey ho she will get used to it!

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perplexedpirate · 03/07/2013 18:12

I feel like I'm the odd one for not wanting a second child. Doesn't interest me at all.
Will the broodiness come crashing down when it's all too late?

FunLovinBunster · 03/07/2013 18:41

No. Never.

Lionessy · 03/07/2013 18:55

I wanted a 2nd child purely for DD1 to have a sibling as she was a PITA with not sleeping/eating and went through an awful phase of hair pulling/biting everyone, even adults! There is no way I would have gone through that again for 'myself' , (she's lovely now in her own little way).

Unfortunately DD2 was stillborn then I immediately and unexpectedly got pregnant again with TWINS - gaahhhh.

I have since had another - purely selfishly as I wanted another one for myself.

If you had told me when DD1 was 2 that I would have ended up with 4 of the little blighters, well I would have never have believed it .

CreatureRetorts · 03/07/2013 19:17

I wanted a second for a number of reasons, one being to give ds a sibling.

Belt · 02/04/2014 15:34

Me and my husband have decided to have our second bubba for us. If I get pregnant within a year the minimum gap between our first son and the second will be 6 years... So they won't be play mates, really... I have always wanted the second one but a really bad PND out me off all these years. I do not want to regret not having another one when it is too late...
I cannot wait to be pregnant, healthy pregnant again.
X

Original poster

Notsoyummymummy1 · 02/04/2014 22:17

This is so spooky that this thread has started again at a time when this issue has once again reared its ugly head. DD is now two and four of the girls I know who were pregnant when I was are now expecting their second. DH and I both feel the same obligation to have a second to give DD a companion but neither of us can summon up any enthusiasm for doing it all again. We struggled through the baby stage and our once perfect relationship has definitely suffered, plus we are under financial strain due to my having to be a SAHM. I adore dd but to be honest it's only recently that I've started to enjoy being a mum, it's been a hard journey for me. I envy these women who seem to easily take the decision to have a second! People make a very strong case about why dd would benefit and it's hard to feel like I might be depriving her of something important if I don't do what I'm expected to do.

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blacktreaclecat · 02/04/2014 22:29

I don't think you should have another baby for your DD, it has to be because you want one, surely?
If you don't then don't. Being an only is fab :)
H and I were discussing this this evening. DS will probably remain an only for lots of reasons but I'm sad he's growing up so fast and I loved having a little baby.

nldm1 · 02/04/2014 22:32

We did/do. Our DD was conceived because we wanted to have her and we just figured DS would deal with it. He did/does very well.
It's nice for kids to have siblings, in my opinion, but that didn't really factor in to our decision.
We knew from the get go, even before we had DS, that we didn't just want to have one.
We would love to have more as we feel the more kids we have, the more love, joy and happiness, but mother nature can be a cruel bitch...

notaflamingclue · 03/04/2014 10:43

I'm 7+1 with DC2 and a big reason for the second was the same as beginnings and QTpie - for support in later life. My sis and I were not close at all as children, couldn't stand each other really. But we had to deal with the death of our mother whilst in our early 20s and since then we've been really close. I couldn't bear the idea of DC1 having to go through something like that alone. Nor can I bear the idea of DC1 having to forge his own way in life completely alone if the worst happens.

That said, I do want another baby for its own sake. I'm getting quite excited at the thought of another tiny, and obviously I do hope very much that they become great friends from the start.

Writerwannabe83 · 03/04/2014 14:10

I had mine and DH's first baby 2 weeks ago and it was always our intention to only have the one. We wouldn't have a 2nd just to provide a sibling....it's a bit of a crap reason. When I read threads on MN about the nightmares some parents have with multiple children and the difficulties they can experience trying to cope with them it just strengthens my resolve to stick with one

SugarPlumpFairy3 · 03/04/2014 20:25

Is there any need to make the decision now?

I felt like you after I had dd1. She was an easy baby but I suffered from pnd and she was a horrendous toddler/pre schooler. We just could not muster the enthusiasm to do it again after initially wanting a 2-3 year age gap.

Like you, all my friends had a second and I felt very left behind and guilty at not giving dd a sibling. There was no way I was going to jump into having a second when it was not right for our family.

We kept discussing it and eventually came to the decision that we wouldn't ttc but just not prevent . 2 weeks later, I was pregnant . Dd had just turned 5.

That pregnancy ended up being twins so we got a lot more than we bargained for but I'm so glad we waited until we were doing it for the right reasons for our family. The twins are 18 months and dd1 is 7 so I realise they probably won't be playmates as such (even though it is a joy to see them together).

SugarPlumpFairy3 · 03/04/2014 20:26

Sorry, I meant to add that for me, a big reason (not the only obviously) was so that they'd be able to support each other in later life, especially when dh and I die.

Coveredinweetabix · 03/04/2014 23:50

DC1 was completely unplanned and before DP and I had even discussed whether we wanted DC, were long term etc. Finding out I was pregnant accelerated all of those discussions and it became apparent that we both wanted more than one DC so it was never a question of "if" we'd have a second, just "when". The "when" was partly driven by considerations for DC1 as we hoped for an age gap of between 2&3 yrs.

Enjoyingmycoffee · 04/04/2014 08:50

Oh good lord, I had my second because I desperately desperately wanted another child. And now she is here. And we are complete. Cheesy but true.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 04/04/2014 08:54

I only wanted one when DD was tiny and I was all consumed by being a mum. Now I am delighted with one, any more seems inordinately hard work and I am very lazy

juneau · 04/04/2014 08:59

Yes, I felt that desire for a second child just as I felt it for my first. I did want to give DS1 a sibling, but that was not my over-riding priority. I always wanted two, I didn't want DS1 to be an only, I didn't want him to be spoiled as an only child and grandchild on both sides of the family, I wanted him to have someone to share the burden of care in later life if DH and I ever need it, and, finally I wanted him to have a play mate and the experience of having a sibling, sharing, etc.

However, I wasn't under any illusions that they would always get on. I have a sister who I've never really got on that well with, as does DH, so we're just hoping our two will continue to love each other!

HolgerDanske · 04/04/2014 12:09

I did. I didn't actively plan it, was on the pill at the time and it just happened. But yes, I wanted a second child and no, it wasn't particularly to give my first a sibling. I suppose it just felt natural as I am one of eight siblings.

MillyJones · 04/04/2014 12:14

I had two within eighteen months of each other because I just knew I wanted another baby. I was an only child and had a terribly "adult" childhood.

BikeRunSki · 04/04/2014 12:20

I was ambivalent about dc1, but really, really wanted dc2; for me, for us and for ds. I am 1 of 4 and my1 child family didn't feel complete to me. Having said that, I now know with utter conviction that I don't want any more.

ThePippy · 04/04/2014 13:34

I had a second because I didn't want DD to be an only. I am one of 3 but came much much later than my two older siblings who had both moved out and started their own families by the time I was 6, before which my memories are not clear anyway.

So from 6 years old it was often just me and parents (for holidays etc) and I can't say I enjoyed it, especially as parents were older by the time I came along. I came to parenting late and decided I didn't want that for my DD.

For me it has been the right decision.

Weegiemum · 04/04/2014 13:36

I had far more desire to have a second than I did to have my first!

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