I'm not even sure if I like Ds1 anymore......

[LadyTophamOfHattingford]

He absolutley drives me around the fuc*ing bend.

Every single day we have the same issue. Honestly, without fail he will come in to our romm and wake me up to ask a random question even though EVERY night I tell him not to wake me up.

Every day I have to nag him to pick his stuff up whther it's PJ's, clothes, books, games, everything. He plays with it, wear it (or whatever) and just leaves it there when he's finished.

Every night at dinner it's the same things we have to say to him. "Sit on the chair properly", "use your folk/knife properly", "stop messing about"...it goes on and on.

Every day he seems to jump on every opportuntity to wind the other 2 up. Takes stuff they are playing with claiming they weren't even though I know they are and might have put it down to put something else with it.

He never accepts the first answer he gets unliess of course it's yes. Honestly his 2 yr old brother is better at accprting the word No.
He cries if he isn't allowed to do what he wants.

I made a start chart thing last week with a "before school", "after school" and a "before bed" section. Ds1+ 2 have to get a star in each section to earn pocket money. Ds2 loves it and tries so hard to get his little chores done (it's stuff like, homework first then telly, put Pj's on bed, dirty clothes in washing bin in each section so nothing difficult) and has got a star in each section. Ds1 on the other hand has less than half the amount and he honestly couldn't care less. I really don't know why I've bothered making it for him.
He is harder work than ds2+3 put together and in 7months time when this new one arrives he'll still be harder work than all 3.

Over the years I've been on MN I've started a few threads like this about him so I'm really not sure if anyone has anything new to suggest. I think I just want to get it off my chest.

Not much to update TBH, have had a rotten few days with head in toilet and zero tolerance for life in general.
Had tp play host yesterday coz my brother came to visit, all was fine while they were here but whether it was a dodgy snadwich or just hormones I've felt crap ever since.

All not helped by the fact that the F*cking dog we are looking after woke me up a 5am and had pissed up the wall AND sofa cushions. I swear it's lucky to be alive....bastard thing.

Am taking the boys out for afew hours today, not sure where yet. We're limited on the time because of THAT dog and his need to wee.
What a FAB half term they are having......

ladytop, hope you did manage to get out this afternoon with assorted boys and dog and you also managed to have a good time. Not a good few days for you - I am sorry :(

Thnaks tigermoth, We did go out and it was mostly a success(ds3 terrifeid of the dinosaurs so screamed for half of it) so all was not lost.
They spent an hour in the play barn bit at the end while I sat and wallowed in the sick feeling that is constant ATM.

I have decided that I'm going to start the new mum, new me, new outlook on life thing on monday when half term is over and that dog has gone. I'm sooo unbelieveably stressed with it here that I'd never be able to do maintain the new me.
We got home from the shop this morning and he had somehow managed to get out of the kitchen, so had got into the front room and the bloody thing had been spralled out on our new sofa.
Massive dog with a real bad breathe problem and molts more than any dog I have ever known on my new sofa just about tipped me over the edge.

Our own dog sleeps in the front room all the time and never goes on the sofa so I bet it even pissed her off, she's scared of him so doubt she would have told him off

So monday it is then.....watch this space.

yes, you definitely need to get rid of the dog before you start your new approach. You are very good to have had the dog guest in the first place - I hope you get a huge thank you.

Blimey - are you me LTH??

No soupy, I'm a small diecast model of a woman with a short fat husband who drives trains, You are a dragon that lives inside the moon

Ah... that explains a lot!

I started the book at the weekend, Cod.
The dog has GONE thank the lord!!

This morning was surprising ok.

A few raised voices but other at all ran smoothly.

oh good
any good tips?

Your little boy sounds like mine a bit,but I have only 2 to cope with so it's not bad.He really doesn't sound too bad just normal.You should introduce humour to get the good behaviour from him that he is dying to give you.He does sound rather intelligent.The oldest children often feel hard done by I know because I am an eldest of 4.Can you write a funny sign for your bedroom door with eg a drawing of what you will look like if you are woken before a certain time and put a big STOP on it and read this etc,just make it funny.And can you let him stay up longer than the others,find a few easy little ways like that to make him feel a bit special for being the eldest.Tell him something like he can have a treat if he hasn't woken you up all week and maybe a shop in town with just him on a weekend for instance.Make it something that you would enjoy too.

.

Sorry I haven' t got time to read the whole thread but as the mum of 4 - oldest 2 boys now 12 and 10 I can relate to your problem. I'd say ds1 was guilty of all of the same problems. His school targets year after year were 'to sit on my chair when working'! I also agree with Cod about boys particularly needing lots of exercise! It does help them to sleep longer and vents agression. I send ds1 to walk the dog and also gave him lots of responsibility as the oldest (which of course came with certain rights). Time on your own with him (and each of the others) is important as well. I'm not sure if you've mentioned your dp - perhaps they need more 'man to man' time together? Ds1 has got up at 6am since he was a baby - we have rules about not leaving the bedroom before say 7am, and not waking others up etc - I also put cereal, bowls, spoons etc out at night so that he could reach them. I use potential treats as a carrot. I have to say that I have had none of these problems with Ds2. He is much more laid back (perhaps a little too much) and less 'hyper'.

Oh, and after reading a bit more my ds1 is a very very cuddly, tactile boy even now at 12 (except when his mates are watching...) :)

The star chart thing has a star in each section so far so things aren't going to bad.....only 2 days in though.

Still ahven't tried the bed a bit later thing yet partly because once ds1+2 go to bed the stress levels go to zero even though ds3 is still up.
I took ds3 up at about 8:30pm last night and Ds1 was still awake, usually I would have gone mad telling him off but I just siad it's getting very late and he should be alseep now is a calm voice.
I've been letting him read in bed for a while at night rather than going straight to sleep so I think thats a small step in teh right direction.

Haven't even mentioned all this to DH. PG hormones make me want to kill him 99% of the time just for breathing too loudly so I'll tackle this with him when I'm not feeling so hormonal.

I'm giving up.

No-one in this house is trying.

The level of arguments/bickering/fighting has increased ridiculously.

I walked out on Thursday night because they were all doing my head in so much.

Last night at the dinner table I asked Dh to just leave it, forget the nagging, ignore it. DS1 them promtly starts doing all the stuff we tell to stop doing in an over exaggerated manner.
I felt like killing him.

He lies constantly and quite frankly I can't stand being in the same room as him.

God help me when this new baby is born.

Cod, thank you for the book loan. Shall I sent it on to whoever you said earlier in the thread (nutty I think) or send it back to you?

{{{hugs LTH to matronly bosom}}}

Thanks twig, feel shitty for giving up but I just can't be bothered with it all. Its too hard to maintain when it's only me trying to maintain it IYSWIM

They're arguing again now.

I feel sorry for our neighbours.

can you just leave for the day?

just get up and go

think you really, really need to get out

Dh at work until 3pm, by which time the last thing I'll want to do is go out somewhere.

Give them something to do to stop them arguing just for now......throw them outside with a bucket and a paintbrush to paint the fence/wall...if they make an arguement out of it set them a wall each.
Or some bubbles or a football or some games they havent seen for a while.
Distract them, just to get some peace this minute.

It sounds like you really, really need a break.
Remember that you're probably really tired at the moment which always makes things so much harder. And those hormones won't be helping either.
These star chart things often get worse before they get better but I'm not surprised you feel like throwing in the towel.
xxxx

I'm just ignoring the arguments tbh, i can't be bothered with it.

Every time I ask them to do something they always answers with "But I was going to do/want to do XYZ" and again I can't be bothered to argue so I've just been saying "Ok, do that then"

So they're getting to do what they want.

And thats why they are answering back :( They know if they argue they will get what they want.