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Original poster

I'm not even sure if I like Ds1 anymore......

155 replies

LadyTophamOfHattingford · 30/05/2006 10:31

He absolutley drives me around the fuc*ing bend.

Every single day we have the same issue. Honestly, without fail he will come in to our romm and wake me up to ask a random question even though EVERY night I tell him not to wake me up.

Every day I have to nag him to pick his stuff up whther it's PJ's, clothes, books, games, everything. He plays with it, wear it (or whatever) and just leaves it there when he's finished.

Every night at dinner it's the same things we have to say to him. "Sit on the chair properly", "use your folk/knife properly", "stop messing about"...it goes on and on.

Every day he seems to jump on every opportuntity to wind the other 2 up. Takes stuff they are playing with claiming they weren't even though I know they are and might have put it down to put something else with it.

He never accepts the first answer he gets unliess of course it's yes. Honestly his 2 yr old brother is better at accprting the word No.
He cries if he isn't allowed to do what he wants.

I made a start chart thing last week with a "before school", "after school" and a "before bed" section. Ds1+ 2 have to get a star in each section to earn pocket money. Ds2 loves it and tries so hard to get his little chores done (it's stuff like, homework first then telly, put Pj's on bed, dirty clothes in washing bin in each section so nothing difficult) and has got a star in each section. Ds1 on the other hand has less than half the amount and he honestly couldn't care less. I really don't know why I've bothered making it for him.
He is harder work than ds2+3 put together and in 7months time when this new one arrives he'll still be harder work than all 3.

Over the years I've been on MN I've started a few threads like this about him so I'm really not sure if anyone has anything new to suggest. I think I just want to get it off my chest.

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nutcracker · 30/05/2006 10:54

I really enjoy it too I have to say. Me and Dd1 sit and watch House of TT sometimes and it's hilarious to hear Dd1 commenting on the kids behaviour probs.

nutcracker · 30/05/2006 10:55

Cheers Cod Smile

singersgirl · 30/05/2006 10:56

How old is DS1? I really sympathise, because at times I have this feeling towards DS1 (nearly 8), who is so much harder work than DS2 (nearly 5). We don't have the early morning thing, but we do have the late nights, the food, the general complaining.

We've just gone back to 123 Magic full-on, and I am really making an effort to praise him for nice behaviour, though I feel like a t* ("I was really impressed with how well you behaved on the train and how you read your book quietly")
We have 10 minutes of giggling at bedtime where I try to be as silly as possible, coz this always helps me see all his lovely bits.

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LadyCodofCOdford · 30/05/2006 10:56

yes i think a lot of perents are too scared to let he oldest kids have some perks for beign the oldest.

ds1 and i are off to paris on a (airmiles sponsored) trip this autumn

singersgirl · 30/05/2006 10:57

Sorry, cross-posted with post about age. Same as DS1, then.

LadyCodofCOdford · 30/05/2006 10:58

\link{http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/1853407054/qid=1148983045/sr=8-1/ref=pd_ka_1/203-6835545-5435936\this is good lth cna post}

nutcracker · 30/05/2006 10:58

Very very true in this house Cod unfortunatly. I sometime forget that Dd1 is only 8 and that she needs as much attention as the other two do.

dinosaure · 30/05/2006 11:01

I do find that sometimes if I can make DS1 laugh, that's the best way of obreaking a cycle of grumpy behaviour.

bluejelly · 30/05/2006 11:01

I think you are expecting quite a lot from a 7 year old. My dd (aged 6) asks questions constantly, wriggles around at the dinner table, scatters her clothes, toys etc around the house.

I think it's very normal behaviour and it doesn't wind me up ( well not all the time Grin)

It's annoying having to repeat things constantly (and calmly) but I really try not to 'sweat the small stuff', as they say.

Every time you start to get annoyed, try saying to yourself 'how important is this in the grand scheme of things?'

Write a list of all the sweet and wonderful qualities that you son has. Spend time with him one to one, and praise him constantly for every good thing he does.

It's hard being the oldest sibling in the family, the young ones get an awful lot of attention.

Good luck

Original poster
LadyTophamOfHattingford · 30/05/2006 11:04

we do have the odd silly behaviour times together.

yesterday I had aglass of coke with ice cubes and as he walked passed I slid a huge ice cube donw his back.
He was screaming and giggling like a banshee for ages, we werwe all having a laugh.

Wheenever we play silly like this the game ends and he's just want to carry it on and end up taking things way to far and someone (ie ds2 or3) lands up getting hurt.
So it's vicious circle where I can't paly because he'll go over the top but if I don't play it makes the time we go play more excitab;e and likely to make him go over the top.

OP posts:
FioFio · 30/05/2006 11:05

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foundintranslation · 30/05/2006 11:06

About the clearing stuff away - clear out a shelf of a kitchen or hall cupboard, give him appropriate warning - don't nag - and if he doesn't clear it away it goes in there for 1/2 days/whatever length of time he'll start missing it. (Obv doesn't work for things he needs, like coats and school stuff).
I agree with the others about attention and one-to-one time.

Original poster
LadyTophamOfHattingford · 30/05/2006 11:11

I have friends coming this afternoon and have ton of house work to do, I'm going to have to go and get it all done.

Thanks so far girls, I'll be back this evening to read it all.

Maybe this time I'll get this sortedSmile

OP posts:
LadyCodofCOdford · 30/05/2006 11:19

am posting book
it s very amreican but i do use the odd bit fomr it

BudaBabe · 30/05/2006 11:20

All boys get OTT and try to continue and escalate rough-housing. And also if he is feeling like he needs more attention for whatever reason he is revelling in the closeness/silliness and doesn't want it to stop. And he is a bit young to stop and be logical about someone getting hurt. He just wants the fun and closeness with Mum to continue.

Must admit to being relaxed about "table manners" here. Obv I insist on the usual not talking with mouthful etc but did notice that one evening when we were all eating together that DH was constantly at DS for something and I was backing him up and DS's behaviour got really bad. Prob cos he felt he was being picked on. I also decided to not "sweat the small stuff". They WILL learn it eventually!

LadyCodofCOdford · 30/05/2006 11:21

does he get enoguh time out excercising?

they are dogs oyu knwo boys

robin3 · 30/05/2006 11:28

One to one attention is a good way forward IMO. Let him decide what he wants to do in that time and try to make him feel special and appreciated. He's in a vicious cycle of getting attention for poor behaviour and not attempting to win praise. Maybe two weeks of trying to totally ignore all bad behaviour and praise every good thing could turn it around.
Stephen Biddulph also points out that after 5 years boys loose interest a bit in Mum and want to spend lots of time with Dad or a suitable male. Is this possible and may also make him feel that his age is being respected and that he's special to you.

KTeePee · 30/05/2006 11:29

It may be hard but could you try ignoring some of the things that wind you up and just concentrate on dealing with issues that are actually "naughty"?
I once went to lunch with friends and they spent the whole time nagging their ds about his table manners - afterwards they told a mutual friend they were embarassed at their sons behaviour - I told her I had actually felt bad for the son because of the constant picking by the parents.
I agree with others that it may be attention-seeking. Would you feel up to taking him out on his own (say to a museum or something else he would enjoy)?
Also bear in mind that children all have different personalties - my ds1 is much harder going than ds2, for example ds2 can generally be distracted out of a tantrum, ds1 who is 2.5 yrs older still can go on and on....

Original poster
LadyTophamOfHattingford · 30/05/2006 14:24

Friends just about to arrive so will read this properly later.....

OP posts:
LadyCodofCOdford · 30/05/2006 21:37

oi

Piffle · 30/05/2006 21:43

oh god LTH i could have written that when ds was 6-7 yr old
Efing nightmare...

FrannyandZooey · 30/05/2006 21:47

Cod you are sweet, you always spend loads of time encouraging people who are having problems with their children. I don't always agree with your advice but you do give a lot of yourself on here :)

(sloppy bit over with)

Good luck LTH

controlfreaky2 · 30/05/2006 21:58

can so relate to this. had really bad sat pm with ds1 8. he dosnt sleep enough... stays awake way past bedtime.... wakes up really early .... gets really tired.... gets reall rude and grumpy.... gets told off... gets ruder and grumpier... gets shouted at (by me).... gets hysterical.... we all have horrid time and i feel really bad....
i have to make conscious effort to get off his case and to only make an issue of things that are worth making an issue of... but its hard.
that book's good but i have real trouble trying to remember the 5 step plan or whatever in the heat of the moment!! but nice positive parenting tone. she also wrote really good book re sibling rivalry which i found v helpful.
stay calm. dont be too hard on yourself (or him).

sparklemagic · 30/05/2006 22:04

I agree with lots on here, he does sound like he is trying hard to get full on attention. The thing of him coming in in the morning really speaks of a boy who wants talking to! He knows he shouldn't come in, he doesn't need to ask the silly questions...his motivation must be just to get time and attention with parents.

I agree about letting much more stuff go; he is seven, not twenty seven, so maybe he won't sit properly on his chair or use his cutlery properly, and I certainly didn't pick up my mess and clothes at this age, had to be strongly encouraged!Likewise remember nagginf my parents like mad when they said no... Letting all this stuff bug you just results in the situation you are now in! I would really take a long hard look at your expectations of him and really lower the bar. Silliness and being 7 go together and huge amounts of it can be ignored...

I love Nutcracker's idea of a later bedtime for the oldest...and cod's idea of the trip away...as one of three and soon to be one of four I'm sure he would love some regular time for him, maybe it's worth making this a routine each day before the baby comes, should help him cope better with knowing he is going to be sharing your time with yet another annoying younger sibling!!

LadyCodofCOdford · 30/05/2006 22:05

ta f
i felel a bond iwht lth a s we have the same aged boys