bloody hard work

[Kafri]

DS now 5m is just sooooo hard to keep happy.

He was really hard work and screamed a lot in his first 3 months but I thought he had started to settle...

Apparently not!

Today, for example, he woke at 5.30 and had a feed then took ages to settle again. Woke up at 8 and was immediately whiny on going in hos room to get him.

He had his next feed at half 8 and by half 9 was whiny and tired so I put him down for a nap - cue SCREAMING. settled for a nap of 20 mins before was wide awake and screaming again.

Decided to get him up and take him out to a bumps and babies group that we don't normally go to but I needed to get out the house. Was just about ok while put but was consistently grumbling.
After B&B I drove into town to post a few parcels and grab tonight's supper before coming home. Cue SCREAMING in the pram until he eventually fell asleep - fell asleep as I was due back at the car (ticket up) so of course woke up as I put him back in the car. SCREAMED in the car all the way home and screamed when we came into the house (had to pop him down while I brought the bag of shopping in)
Is currently screaming in his cot while I grab 5 mins to regroup my thoughts and throw a sandwich down my neck!

Please can someone tell me what i'm doing wrong cos his screaming constantly is driving me potty. He is just ALWAYS unhappy.

I took him to the docs yesterday to eliminate illness as a cause of his screaming returning and they could find nothing wrong. There is the possibility of him getting his next 2 teeth (got his first 2 early) and have been giving him calpol but nothing stops the screaming, it's constant again. And in the short periods he's not screaming, he's wobbling and it's constant effort to try and stop him tipping over to screaming again.

Well, that's my five minutes up, better go and get my little darling

Please help, i'm struggling with his constant state of upset

I can totally relate to this Kafri. It's so difficult to know what is the right thing to do. I used to go through a checklist if he wouldn't settle. Fed - check, clean - check, burped - check. Your health visitor should be able to give you some advice or an understanding older female with older children. Hang on in there, they're not babies forever.

I know I will probably get flamed for this but does he have a dummy?

I only say this as DD1 was identical and a dummy rectified the issue and made life much more bearable.

Wiley he will not have a dummy. We tried as a tiny as I thought it would help him but he always refused it.

I still try now but no luck. Was trying in the pram earlier but he will suck it for, literally seconds before spitting it out any carrying on screaming. he just seems to live screaming.

Honestly, I can't do anything at all. He's better if we go out of the house but only if he's being carried which 1. isn't realistic and number 2. he's too heavy to carry for long periods now. Also can't go too far from home as he will only nap in his cot (if he naps at all).

Griffey I always do the checklist, and he still screams at the end of it.

I just don't know what to do at all - I had looked forward to having a baby and getting out with the pram down the park etc but I just can't do any of it without him screaming.

It's really upsetting me now as I feel like I can't do right for doing wrong. And, i'm struggling to listen to the constant screaming

DD also liked one of those swings.

What about a carrier?

Is he pooing ok, constipation also used to cause this.

You could try infacol?

Do you have a sling? My friend's LO is like this - she bought a Rose and Rebellion on my advice and its really helped as she can carry her whenever she needs to (weight distribution is fantastic, can barely feel her) and she also tries to put her down earlier for a nap than she used to - waiting until her LO shows signs of tiredness is too late, she is already overtired by then!

DS went through a very trying stage at that age. In retrospect he was bored and frustrated - he is now (21mo) very bright and verbal and desperate to be a 'big boy' and I just think he hated being a baby, not being able to talk or move, he couldn't sit and play with things properly, never much liked 'baby' toys but couldn't hold anything else. Certainly he cheered right up once he was mobile and could communicate more.

The Jumperoo was a lifesaver, btw!

Yes Rose & Rebellion amazing.

I also had a leapfrog Learn and groove play station thing, similar position to jumparoo - upright which made a huge difference.

We have a jumperoo - on the rare occasions he's in a good mood he's still hard to keep that way - it's literally 5 mins in the jumper then he gets bored so 5 mins on playmate, then he gets bored etc.
Going out (if I carry him) is generally ok but he's getting too heavy to carry for long periods and as he won't nap while we're out, I can't be out for long as he ends up over tired/miss the 'tired window' etc
what's my best bet with a sling? I have one of those that you wear like a back pack but on the front but again, he's too heavy after a short period now.I'll have a look at the Rose and Rebellion - i'll give anything a go

He still has infacol in all of his bottles, but I do think wind is a factor as he has his legs drawn up to his tummy whenever he's laid on his back. What can I do to help this? He burps well after feeds some to rival his dad but presumably, there's more that i can't shift???

His consultant wants me to try early weaning which I had been doing (little bits of veg/fruit) but i've knocked it on the head since he started getting like this again as i didn't know if it was causing the trouble. He's not had anyhting apart from his milk since Tuesday now and today has been awful. Yesterday was better, Weds aft was bad and tuesday aft was bad??

He poos less than he used to but generally every other day now without too much trouble (from what I can see). Is that ok?? (he's on Aptamil Pepti 1 milk - cows milk protein free) if that makes any difference to how much he should poo?

I've just had a look at R&R. I don't know what to do - it's a lot for me to pay if I end up adding it to the list of things i've bought that haven't worked IYSWIM. I've just cried as I looked cos I want to try things to help me out a bit but can't physically buy everything to find the one thing that will work!

Sorry you're going through this kafri, it must be incredibly frustrating. A friend's DS was very unhappy and screamy as a baby and it was because of silent reflux. Her DS didn't throw up after meals so it was hard to spot. She found that he was best upright and put his cot at an angle using books so he wasn't flat when asleep.
Hope you get some reprieve soon - perhaps someone at your b&b group has a Rose & Rebellion you could use for a few days to try it out?

If you're on Facebook there's a group called Slings and Things FSOT where you can easily pick up a preloved R&R for around £45-50, then sell on for same amount if it doesn't make a difference. Some of the slings on there are insanely expensive, but if you just post to say what you're after and that you're new you can ignore all the acronyms etc. You could also ask on there if there's a sling library near you so you could hire one (usually around £15 a fortnight).

With a good sling you won't have any issues carrying your baby - my DS is over 2 and I can still pop him in the sling if we've gone out without the pram and he gets tired.

I've had a look at the FB page and just waiting to be accepted, lol.

DS has silent reflux - he's on omeprazole and Aptamil Pepti 1 milk which seems to work.

He just seems generally unhappy all of the time and it makes me feel like i'm doing something wrong all the time. it's so frustrating and i'm really struggling to deal with it at the minute.

He always seems tired too - he wakes up in a morning and is yawning immediately and he can't go more than 1.5hours awake still. I always seem to be onto a loser as I give him a feed, wind him etc and then don't have much time left to get out of the house before he's wanting another nap and as I said earlier, he won't nap away from the house properly (and if he does fall asleep, it's after a massive screaming session, like today in the pram)

Jojo Maman Bebe do a soft carrier that can go on front or back, think that is less than half the price of R&R one. Don't know if it is good though.

It really does sound like the wind is causing discomfort, it is exactly how DD1 was. I agree with the suggestion of silent reflux. Could you go back to the doctors?

Ah sorry x-post.

If its any consolation things got much better for us after 6months.

Hi OP

I was reading your thread earlier in the day and didnt really want to comment as I don't have children (pg at moment) and so don't really know from experience.

However, the stuff you were saying above sounded a lot like issues discussed in a book I am reading, Healthey Sleep Habits, Happy Child. Anyhow, I know not all books are for all, but once you said in your last post about always being tired I thought it might be worth you looking at.

Basically the book describes most of the symptoms you mention as in one way or another caused or exacerbated by over tiredness, and recommends an earlier bed time for these children, in some cases as early as 6 pm. It also talks about the importance of napping, and 1.5 hrs of wakefulness seems about right, the author specifically says that one of the main complaints he has is that this leaves mum with no time to go out. Unfortunately he basically says we should suck this up as a rest child is most important.

Anyway the book was recommended to me by a friend with twins, so thought it might be worth a read

Good luck and sorry to butt in if it want helpful

Rested child

Sorry

Try zulily for the rose and rebellion slings they are often on there at decent prices (though have no idea what classes as a decent price in slings as I've only used one) but I've seen them on there a few times. U can get an email from them everyday with what's on offer that day but because u want one it will probably be months before its on again. I know there was one last week but I've just looked at its not on now. And try eBay/gumtree etc

Google sling libraries near you - this is where you can hire slings for a nominal fee. Alternatively, if you're near norwich then I've got an R&R you could try out :)

Could the screaming still be down to the silent reflux? Is there nothing else the docs can prescribe for him? I think I've read you have to push for this sometimes... Silent reflux sounds like a horrible thing to be dealing with so I really feel for you and I'm sure you're doing the best you can - which is good enough, though you mightn't feel that way.

At 5mths I think 1.5hrs awake time is about right I'm afraid. I do remember this stage with ds, who fed 2hrly so gave me about 30mins to get anything done before needing another nap! And his naps were only 30-40mins...

Keep chanting 'this too shall pass'... And stock up on wine and chocolate :)

Misty Funny you should mention chocolate. All I've been able to think about is chocolate today. I kept raiding the cupboards even though I knew there was no chocolate to be found. Might have to stash extra in this weeks shopping!

I think i'm just going to have to accept that we have to stay in for the foreseeable future. What's my best way to get him to nap when he desperately needs a nap but will not go down??
Where do I stand with taking him out in the pram?? He screams in it but eventually falls asleep (took 45 mins ish earlier) I don't like doing it but I guess if he's screaming in the house and not sleeping, it's not worse if he screams in the pram and might be slightly better if he drops off at some point?? It's the looks I get that I dislike - all those people looking at me like i'm a really bad mum and neglecting the poor little bundle in the pram.....

Have you googled wonder weeks???

debbie I have the app and we are just about to enter leap 5 (I think) so yeah all my/his problems could well be down to that. I do wish they'd give them a more appropriate name - wonder weeks isn't the first name that springs to mind. oh well, at least he'll have some lovely new skills to show off soon

Definitely stash extra choc

Does he scream if you're holding him? The only way ds napped for months was if he was held...although I think he did go off in the pram occasionally too. I also remember that when he was 6mo he became like a different baby for a month. He was so miserable I almost took him to the doctor as I thought there must be a reason! Touch wood, it hasn't been that bad since (21mo).

How does he sleep at night?

You don't need a r&r specifically, any well made sling will help. Have a google for sling libraries or sling meets in your area and see if you can find one as they're usually happy to let you try them out & some lend them out too.

Avoid jojo, mothercare, any other mass produced sling which is based on a baby Bjorn because they just don't cut the mustard. Try a proper soft structured carrier (this is what the r&r is, also good are manduca, connecta, ergo, beco butterfly.) Or a soft stretchy wrap, Moby, sa-be (the cheapest!) or you could look at the close/caboo carrier which is similar to a soft wrap.

Look for something which supports his kneed higher than his hips and you will both be more comfortable.

And remember this, too, shall pass. It's a horrible age when they're so frustrated all the time and can't even tell you what's wrong, but it DOES get better. Hang in there, you're doing great

misty if I jinx myself saying this I'll hunt you down for asking the question night times are generally ok. He's been waking once in the night for the last 3/4 weeks or so but otherwise ok.

he screams no matter what - holding him and all. There is just no distracting him at all. he has always struggled to nap anywhere but in his cot in a dark room with white noise playing! I can sometimes fight him to sleep on me but its onky a quick 20 mins and takes twice as long to get him to drop off. a lot of work for minimal gain really