In tears again

[stargirl1701]

Oh I need help. Baby is 18 weeks old and we're really struggling to get her to sleep. She just cries and cries.

We've tried rocking her to sleep, bouncing her to sleep, singing her to sleep, shhhhhing her while holding her, using a dummy, using a sling, using the pram - rocking and pushing.

She screams going to sleep and waking up from sleep. She has silent reflux and we are using Ranitidine for that. Her dose is reviewed every 4 weeks. She is now eating happily. We have no TV or radio on. The lights are dim.

Please help. I spent last night crying with her and feel like I could do the same tonight

It's really hard when they won't sleep. She's probably overtired and desperate to sleep but until she relaxes she won't go. You are doing all the right things but it's not so good to chop and change (hard I know).

They get overstimulated if you try different things. I used to put mine in sling and pace up and down upstairs until they went to sleep. Sometimes this might take half an hour but eventually the horrible frustrated cry would slow a bit, stop for a few seconds and eventually they would go. I also bf to sleep a lot but sounds like you are bottle feeding.

I guess it must be more difficult due to the reflux so she might be in pain and prefer to be upright. Would she fall asleep in the car? I suppose the crying would be distracting but if you and partner could go out together, one could attend to her while the other drives.

Could you wrap her up really warm and take her out in the pram. The fresh/still air might calm her. I know you've tried the pram but we used to try ours indoors and it never worked as well.

Tomorrow you could try working on the naps, making sure she is as well rested as possible. How does she nap in the daytime? Do you put her down for naps after she's been up a couple of hours. Some say "The more a baby sleeps, the more a baby sleeps".

As for tonight I think the rocking and bouncing might be overstimulating her so I would suggest trying one thing and sticking to it for a while. If you've got an extractor fan, turn it on- babies are comforted by whitenoise.

It's not fun at this age but things will improve- take it in turns and try to get some rest

Your crying because you are bloody exhausted! I remember it well. My babies both liked a classical music cd on when they went to sleep. I think it made them think they weren't by themselves! suckers

Can one of you get a night's sleep in another room or downstairs? So you feel vaguely human again? Also, let everything else go during the day so you can rest then too, if you can. Don't do any cleaning or that sort of thing.

It will pass, but it's horrible.

my little one was the same but mainly during the day. i couldn't get him to sleep in his crib for the last 4 weeks, however my friend came round Monday for dinner and wrapped him up really tightly in a blanket. now he's sleeping again! i had tried this a few weeks ago and he struggled out, i obviously hadn't done it right. i thought he didn't like it, but he wasn't secure enough.

You poor thing, sending you a comforting cuddle. I think all the previous suggestions are right. Just try one thing at a time. Have you tried also tilting the cot, to help with the reflux? Just remember it won't last forever ( even though it may seem like it) and they won't remember it!! Fingers crossed you have a breakthrough this evening.

Thank you all for your responses.

We didn't try all these things tonight These are all the things we have tried over the last few months. She sleeps really well at night. Her last feed tends to be between 10.30pm and 11pm and she usually falls asleep while feeding. We all go to bed then and she normally sleeps right through till 8am. This is amazing, I know.

It's the napping all day and evening that is the problem. She seems to fight sleep no matter what we do. I am so worried that she isn't getting enough sleep overall. And, she is so distraught. She screams like she used to do when feeding (before the reflux was diagnosed). She screams both falling asleep and waking up.

I thought maybe she was overtired and tried getting her to sleep at the first signs of sleepiness but she screams then too.

I feel like I'm not responding to her needs. Every time I go to a group she is so upset I feel like everyone thinks I'm a rubbish mum. She is always the loudest, the most upset. I know this isn't likely to be the case, just my own skewed perception.

This parenting is so much harder than I thought it would be.

She's asleep. DH took her into the kitchen and switched off all the lights. Is the light in the living room? We only have one lamp on.

Should we try making the house dark? We have camping head torches we could wear.

Hmmm. If it is the light should we try putting her down in her crib in our bedroom, where we know she sleeps really well, and drawing the blinds then just sitting with her till she next wakes?

"We didn't try all these things tonight "

Ahh I just remember doing many of those things in one night!!!

Yes settling them in a dark room is good. If she is still with you maybe keep the light low and transfer her when she's in a deep sleep (20 mins or so).

By the way the night stint is a good one. I had babies that used to wake every 2-3 hours, then at its worse every 45 minutes!!

They do go through phases of fighting sleep and some babies do cru on wake-up. At this young age they often do cry a lot when they are tired but you are right to look for sleepy signs (yawn, rubbing ears, rubbing eyes) and then straight out for a walk in sling or pushchair.

Mine took day time naps in a sling for 8 months as she wouldn't be put down in a cot.

My first DD used to cry a lot. She was a very sensitive, high needs baby. Things will probably get better around 6 months.

And parenting is very hard- it's hard for everyone but some baies are more difficult than others.

You are doing fine!

And she's awake again. Will feed her.

Put her in her crib and go and have a cuppa. You don't need to sit alongside her until she wakes. You'll hear her soon enough.

I'm sorry she's woken up-she needs to get into a deep sleep. See if she'll sleep on you and transfer her when her breathing is almost imperceptible.

I have to go to bed now but I'm wishing you well- hope you get some rest soon

Thank you. It's so good to have answers to our 'cries for help'.

We're fighting on the naps with DS too though it is nowhere near as painful as your situation, you have all my sympathy.
My bub needs swaddling and a muslin over his face (yes, like a budgie) in order to go to sleep in the day! We try and start winding him down before he gets tired, so in a morning after he's been awake for 90 mins, we start quiet activities - read a book with him, sing a lullaby and cuddle etc.. and then we put him down/rock him to sleep. Sometimes we even catch him at the right time ! Otherwise it has to be the pram and he'll hold out for a good 30/40 mins before he gives it up.
I have had some success with white noise though, I have an app on my phone and his monitor will also play Hoover/hair dryer noise. At night, if he wakes up crying I'll take him in the kitchen and switch on the extractor fan - that knocks him out pretty quickly as it's quite loud.

Good luck, and don't worry about not meeting her needs, she's getting a really good nights sleep and she has her mum doing everything she can for her :)

On the 'I have the worst baby' issue. I have taken DD on lots of flights in her 2 years of life. Every single time I think people are hating us, she is loud, the worst child on the flight, noisy, awful. Every time, on landing, the people around me say how wonderful she was, best child they've ever flown with. We always think our child is the loudest, because their cries are so painful to us.

I hope things get easier.

Camping head torches :) In years to come that will be something you and DH will look back on and laugh and say "I can't believe we seriously considered that!" You will get through it and be able to have that conversation one day, I promise! It feels like it's going to last forever when you're in it.

Have you tried lying down to nap with her in the day? Even if she doesn't seem sleepy just put her on the bed next to you when she's calm (making sure she can't roll off of course) and doze - she'll either be happy to lie next to you knowing that you're close, or she'll take the cue from your eyes being closed that it's sleepy-time (they have a built in response to copy facial expressions, and eyes open/closed is part of this) and maybe have a nap herself too!

Obviously not practical for every nap of the day but if you can do this at some point in the morning before she gets hysterical then it might just see off the over-tiredness?

I have slept with her now and then. I did it more in the early days when she was up every 2 hours. Since she started sleeping through till morning I stopped as I wasn't so tired anymore.

She's asleep now in her crib. We put her in awake and within 2 minutes of the light going off she was snoring.

I worry that she's only sleeping so long at night because she's exhausted. Shouldn't she still be wakening at night? Parenthood, you worry when they don't sleep and when they do!

I don't know, not necessarily. DS slept 8 hours at 7 weeks. It didn't last but he did it by himself. I was blessed with him in that he was a great sleeper anyway and just used to drop off when he felt tired wherever he was. I don't think that 9 hours at 18 weeks is worrying.

Sleeping through the night at 18w is absolutely fine - don't knock it!!

I'm not! It's only been in the last fortnight and that included one night of being up every 30 minutes. I'm sure it'll change again.

Not necessarily - DD (another refluxer) first slept through at 5 weeks although she barely slept at all before that, or so it seemed .

She went 11pm to 7am the first night, then within a couple of weeks was going 11pm to 9am. She went down to two short naps a day, only had three feeds from morning to about 7pm, would then cluster feed like crazy to build up to her big night sleep and go straight through.

Since then, barring illness/teething, she has slept through every night for 12 hours solid, sometimes more. But it has impacted her naps - she was down to one nap a day by six months, and now at 15 months sometimes naps for half an hour, but lately has some days where she doesn't nap at all.

I am well aware that I am ridiculously lucky but you might be too!

There was a flip side to the coin though, for all I got to sleep all night, I also got a baby who projectile vomited due to reflux until she was ten months old. Every single feed would end up over me and/or her, toys, carpet, furniture, car - the lot. She would still be throwing up the previous feed half an hour before the next one. We own 45 muslins - because we went through 20-25 a DAY. Even when she weaned she would still puke. And that smells like "proper" puke, particularly when it's in your hair .....

Aaaaahhhh! 45 mins of crying. Fell asleep in my arms and I put her down in her pram. I went to make my lunch. She just woke up. 15 minutes of sleep.

Stargirl I feel your pain. I hate that tired cry they do and you know it can be solved by the one thing they won't do!

Am hugely envious of your night sleeping. We are up 3ish times. Right now am hungry, but dd just fell asleep on me, so won't move until she wakes. (I reckon 10 mins max)