Are you more or less happy after having children?

[Jac1978]

Honest answers please!

It took me about a year, but definitely happier. More fulfilled. I think I'm a better, nicer, more rounded person in general. I am forever grateful to my DS for that.

Bigger ups, but bigger downs. The loss of control is quite scary.

A decent support network (family, friends, new NCT mates) is absolutely vital. It's also v hard on your relationship (tired, less freedom, stress of baby not sleeping/eating/developing, etc), so you have to be strong together. Band Aid babies are a baaaaaad idea.

Different happy, but overall happier. Although strange that this little person (s) enters your life, turns everything upside down, but you know that if you ever lost them, your life would be over. Over. Sometimes I am so overwhelmed with love for my boy it is almost animal like.

I also love the change in mine and dh relationship. We got married and had a child fairly early on in our relationship. And when I look back to the early days of our relationship, the incredible dinners, holidays, lazy Sundays, champagne brunches, cocktails after work, spontaneous weekends away... It seems so exciting and I pang for it. Then I remember our relationship was fairly volatile, often argued, possessiveness. Whereas now, easy, relaxed, full of gentle love and trust. And been like this ever since DS born 2.5 yrs ago. Ok, none of the glamour but replaced with a more profound love and I feel so safe and secure n that love.

I would agree with the poster who said for the first year or so of both my boy's life I have been less happy. MUCH MUCH less happy infact. The endless whinging, crying, demands and the boredom of being round a non verbal crying child. BUT I should add I have had 2 grumpy high needs babies aand I am naturally a worrier so the endless crying with both of them has driven me to worry, feel isolated, insanity sometimes!!!

However, DS1 is now 5 (and was infamous on here years ago for his grumpiness as a baby) now makes me happier than I have ever been. The happiness and love I feel for him is so so much deeper than any ha[[iness I had before. DS2 is now 1 and bcoming a little charmer (slowly), I find the moments when he is content and lays his beautiiful head on my knee and goes 'Ahhhh' when he he cuddles me just so so amazing. All the worry, stress of parenting does disappear for a few moments of complete bliss.

It's a different kind of happiness. Less excitied, care free but much much more settled and really without our kids although I was happy, there was nothing of any depth to that happiness. Now sometimes I feel so happy nd content that I feel guilty for all the sadness in the world and how happy and proud my boys make us.

Nothing is better than seeing/hearing your DCs feeling happy, laughing, having fun so definately happier when this happnes! Of course the other side of it is seeing them upset, lonely, sad etc etc and this is the worst feeling in the world.

Far happier than I ever imagined I'd be although I only remember having the "blissed out" feeling when the bonding chemicals were kicking in during the first few days after birth. I never saw myself as a maternal person, didn't particularly like other people's children and didn't contemplate having my own until almost all my friends had already gone there so I was amazed at how happy the children made me. However the happiest moments of my life were definitely pre-kids doing amazing things with my husband like diving on the barrier reef and camping in the desert or partying all night with friends.

Wouldnt change her or having her at all love her more than anything in the world but permanently stressed comes to mind I stress I am damaging her by working and not being there, I stress that she is okay/happy/sad/ill etc I stress that she is behaving at childminder yup permanent stress and when she is older it will be stress over sex, drugs and booze no doubt

Generally speaking I'm less happy. I'm tired permanently and my relationship with DH is suffering.

The anxiety, worry and fear of something bad happening is at times crippling. The need to protect them I find exhausting. I love them both so much it makes me unhappy IYKWIM.

On the other hand, the moments of joy that my DC bring I had never experienced before. I definitely agree that the highs are higher and the lows are lower.

Very similar to what others have said. He makes me happy but it is a bind.

It has brought me fulfilment but at a very high price of daily frustration and anxiety. DD is wonderful and I adore her and am so thankful for her but I often find her constant demands and the loss of my personal life completely debilitating. It's a hard thing to admit to without being judged. I worry about her all the time, I'm worried about money, I miss having non baby related conversations with DH, I often feel lonely and isolated and under pressure from everyone's opinions. Sometimes I wish we could all be more open about how hard it really is then we wouldn't feel like a failure if motherhood didn't always make us happy.