Are you more or less happy after having children?

[Jac1978]

Honest answers please!

It took me about 4 months to adjust to the fact that this little person suddenly came first, before everything and that my needs suddenly couldn't necessarily be fulfilled as & when I wanted.
But once I'd accepted that I became much happier and more balanced person. More stable mood too (I can be a bit unstable!!)

Oh yes, I should add that for the first year I was less happy. I found it really hard.

I would say it's a bit too early now to compare the two (my ds is my first and is just 4 months). Still trying to work it out. All I know for sure is I would die to keep him safe. When I go out its really odd I get the feeling like I am guarding a treasure. His vulnerability is what really hits home and I feel a great responsibility for him.

More happy.

A million times happier

This is the only time in my whole life I've felt content

I usually feel empty and hate Christmas but I cant wait this year

I was on the piss all weekend every weekend before I had my baby and I realise now it's becuase I had nothing in my life

Split up from her daddy when she was 4 months and I couldn't give a stuff anymore, she's 8 months now and all I need :)

Much happier.

The worry, stress and heartache is worse but it is worth it for the life I have with my gorgeous daughter and the wriggly bump .

When times have been bad, and they have been very bad, the one thing that got me through was the thought of my girl.

I have moments that are pure joy with my children, different to how I felt before.

But losing my first DD has shown me that DC can bring the most immense sadness into your life too; which I was never aware of before.
I'm a little scared of loving my DC now, and of the devastation it would cause if I were to lose them too.
So overall, I think I am probably less happy.

Much happier, but also more stressed.

Happier, more motivated to fulfill my own ambitions and I've found reserves of strength and patience I never knew I had.

However, my legs/bikini line/armpits are often much hairier than they were before children, I had to have major surgery twice due to a 'medical accident' during DC2's forceps delivery, I earn less money because I work fewer hours, I have very little time to myself and my house is always covered in glitter/yoghurt or crumbs.

Much more happy, and much more tired and much more stressed, but still much happier.
Like everything in life though, it's down to timing - I'd done what I wanted to do and was ready to have life turned upside down settle down.

A zillion times more happy.

But that might be because we had seven years of trying, before managing to adopt. And no matter how difficult life can be sometimes (and it has been very, very unimaginably hard at times, now mine are teenagers), life will never be as miserable as it was when I was despairing month after month after month.

Much more happy. Everything is a lot more faff - cant just nip out for something we've run out of, going out is a big deal, holidays are military and even then sometimes more trouble than they're worth plus sleep deprivation (although I had some of that before with my job but this is cuter) but its utterly worth it. I feel so blessed that she adores me and I can make things better and she takes such delight in tiny things.
But - I think it depends on your personality and to some extent that of your dc - I'm pretty laid back but parenthood makes everyone more neurotic (so if you're a worrier to start with...) and dd a fairly low maintenance baby so I'm sure the hard stuff can be overwhelming. Also have a good relationship with DH which certainly helps a lot.

AlwaysOneMissing,
The thought of you worrying about loving your dc made me a little sad. Such pain you have been through. Hugs x

QTPie,
ICSI baby here - not easy process (emotionally) but it can and does work (I think 2nd go more likely as everyone knows what they are doing and meds been tweaked to suit you). Go for it!

X

Neither - it's just a different stage of life. I'm very happy with my family the way it is now, but then, I was also happy when I was young, free and single. Also, of course, you don't have children in isolation - there are other changes that happen in your life that coincide.

I am happier, and also far more satisfied with life. Not that my life was bad before children, but despite the (sometimes huge) challenges and awful days/weeks, it's better with them than without them

I'm so sorry AlwaysOneMissing

Less happy. Sleep deprivation, lack of independence and freedom, becoming much less selfish while DH has somehow managed to sometimes become more selfish, lost sight of who i am, totally financially dependent on DH, lots of dreams fallen to the wayside. I'm glad motherhood has put the brakes on certain self destructive behaviour though.

I would die and murder for my children, NOTHING and nobody is more important than them, their safety and their happiness and I do have moments of pure joy with them. So hopefully one day the positives will outweigh the negatives, but I don't think I'll ever shake the feeling I should have waited a few more years

depends on what is going on. When dc are ill, in pain or miserable due to some circumstance I cannot easily resolve, it is worrying and the worrying is draining. The love is definitely there but I am not sure that loving someone = happiness.

More,, it's such an intense feeling of joy walking down the road holding one of my dcs hands whilst they jabber on. To be their 'mum' love it.

A purer happiness than i've ever experienced that comes from fulfilment and the all consuming love you feel for your child. I look at him regularly throughout the day and think "Yes. This is what i am here for. This is what life is all about." I am mesmerised every day by the person he is becoming.

But there are moments when the thought of anything bad happening to him brings me a moment of immense sadness, fear and worry and it sucks the breath right out of me.

And then there are the moments of guilt, or anger because he's being an utter shit a normal 2 year old.

I count my blessings every single day and it's what calms me down when he's driving me to distraction with fidgeting, fiddling, or being loud, angry or aggressive.

I am happier, and guiltier, and sadder and more worried than i have ever been. Thankfully the good by far outweighs the bad.

Neither. I think you get more highs and lows with having children and the lows are very low - health worries, bullying, friendships etc.

I wouldn't say I was any happier, but my life is different, not better just different.

I wish I could say I was happier like most of the other posters but I'd be lying. I'm hoping things will get better (my dd is 7 months) but right now I have a high needs baby and its taken its toll on my physical and mental health and my relationship with my dp. I've never felt so lonely and isolated.
In the meantime im just plodding along trying to love and care for my dd as best I can. I worry about her all the time and like others have said, even time away from her isn't relaxing.
I suspect there are probably others out there who are in a similar situation but its a very difficult thing to admit to (I'm hanging my head in shame). I do feel grateful to have been fortunate enough to have a child, especially after reading some of the posts here, but I feel OP deserves an honest response.

I was happy before I had my DD, I loved my life, we travelled lots, had good disposable income, could go out to dinner any night we fancied, still in the honeymoon phase after 10 years of being together ...

And now? I've never been happier than when my DD smiles at me. I adore her with every fibre of my being no matter how soppy that sounds. I'm deeply, deeply unhappy at work and not in a position to change it now until she is older but my DD is the best thing ever even though financially we are far worse off and the work situ I'm trapped in is dire. Love beats money every time!

Truly, madly, deeply happy! When my DDs were babies and toddlers I loved them so intensely, they were my world. Now they are 13 and 10, they rock my world! I still can't quite believe that these beautiful, clever, funny girls are mine. Although I miss those early years, I am looking forward to helping them through the next stages of their lives. They have made me very happy indeed.

MillionPramMiles have a hug from me. I know exactly how it feels to have a high needs baby and the feeling of loneliness and isolation. I don't know your personal circumstances, but hopefully things will get better.