Are you more or less happy after having children?

[Jac1978]

Honest answers please!

Hugs from me too millionprammiles. I often feel ashamed that I struggle to cope sometimes with DD (who thinks sleeping is for wimps) - have thought, said and damn near done some awful things (e.g. truly and genuinely wanting to hand her over to Social Services because I just couldn't take any more). Hang in there, it WILL get better.

millionprammiles I too struggled with my DS. He is about to turn 1 and I am finally starting to enjoy him! Since becoming more mobile and more alert he is happier and more relaxed and, in turn, so am I. It's still tough sometimes but things are getting better. My relationship with DH also suffered greatly but things are looking a bit brighter there too now.

Up until recently I felt unhappier since becoming a mum. However, things are improving now and I can sometimes feel truly blessed for having my little man in my life.

Thank you squidgersmummy, it makes me sad too.
And thank you AmericasTorturedBrow

Sorry for bringing the thread down x

I was happy before, but now a million times more so. More tired and look older (!), but blissfully happy and fulfilled.

I'm happy now that they are all in school. I found the preschool years to be extremely traumatic a tad overwhelming. Now that I have time to get things done and can sleep again etc. I find I enjoy them more.

Before i had DS, I was heading for 40 (well 37 when i met DP) and having a child has just given a point to my life. (I had a career etc, but that was nothing compared to having DS even though he is hard work and indirectly caused some of the hardest times between me and DP, but we have got through it)

Just seen Spooky 80's post "More,, it's such an intense feeling of joy walking down the road holding one of my dcs hands whilst they jabber on. To be their 'mum' love it. " That's just how feel.

MillionPramMiles just wanted to say hang in there. At 7 months I felt just like you describe. I found the first year extremely hard, there were times I thought I was going under. I found all the baby stuff very hard, mainly thanks to a baby who never slept more than 2 hours in a row.

Once he was walking it somehow all got better and now he's 2.3 months old, sleeping for 11 hours at night, and able to tell me what he needs it is infinitely easier.

Trying now to work out whether I can cope with a second baby because I know once the baby bit is over it would be lovely.

even though I'm sitting up with baby DS2 asleep on me and have had both boys up and down the last few nights coughing, i am much happier.

definitely much more tired and feel like i would have to actually give up sleeping to get things done sometimes.

i love watching them learning new things. DS2 is trying really hard to get moving about which is highly entertaining. DS1 is chatting away even more and is making me excited for Christmas for the first time in years.

i am a worrier though, so i do tend to panic about DH and DSs being ok while I'm at work. The thought of something happening to them just terrifies me sometimes. however i used to feel like that about just DH too, it's just the way my brain seems to work.

Definitely happier, nothing beats those blissful moments snuggled up in bed together reading a book or baking a cake together, or just walking along holding hands and chatting. They give a meaning to life that I never really found through my career previously and I would never have switched from full to part time work otherwise, doing so has greatly relieved job related stress.

I wasn't unhappy before. But I am overwhelming happy now. Usually. There are days when I want walk away. But actually no I never would.

It isn't just specifically kids though, it is being a family and my dh is part of that.

Far, far happier. I was so anxious before, hated clubbing etc. being married and having children has made me so content. It helps that I've been able to carry on in the career I love, so the only things I gave up were feeling awkward in cocktail bars and feeling sel conscious about my body (which I now love in a feel-me-roar way).

It seems like I am in the minority then. I wonder if it was because I thought I couldn't have children and wasn't bothered either. I love my daughter to bits and would do anything for her, but I don't find motherhood fulfilling and have spent far more time worrying about DD than I should - she has had some serious health concerns and been bullied at school. I love my current lifestyle - I work two days a week and catch up with friends on other days.

Thx all for messages of support. Am hanging in there hoping it will get better, am counting my blessings (I have a supportive partner and no current financial worries at least, so it could be worse).

I think a lot of it is down to 1) luck, 2) how much support you have. Having enough money also helps a lot.
I know of a family who were in a car crash, caused by one of the parents. One of the children was extremely badly injured, and will be very badly disabled for life. Having to live with that (psychologically and in practical terms) is an (admittedly extreme) example of how hard having children can be. Even the fear of something that bad happening is hard.

Also makes a difference whether you are an introvert or extrovert. I'm an introvert therefore I "need" my own space and time to be alone and quiet more than most. Children are noisy and when they are young you don't get left alone. This is exhausting for everyone let alone an introvert.

Also although I realise now that you love your kids more than any man, I did enjoy the feeling of meeting a man and falling in love. Having children changes relationships, friendships and the experience of being with your partner. Those relationships were happier before definately.

The highs are great but there is a great cost

Gilberte - I agree with every word!

Unutterably happy. I don't know what would have happened had DH and I not been able to have children, but it would have involved major counselling. My DDs are now almost 10 and almost 12 and I would not be without them. However hard the hard times have been, they have been worth it a thousand times over.

Much more happy, and I'm sorry to hear that other posters are having difficulties that mean they can't always enjoy it. For me finding good resources to learn how to parent differently to my own parents like books and websites has helped me feel confident I am doing the right thing and it has made parenting easier as I have found solutions to some of my parenting problems.

This is a hard one but I think I will buck the trend and say less happy.
Life is much, much different and a lot harder than I thought it would be.
I love my children very much and I love moments and aspects of being a parent but it is so, so, so hard and I don't know that there will ever be an end to how hard it is...all I can do is make things as good as I can and give my children the best I have to give and be ok with that.

I am more f*cked emotionally and physically since having DC - does that answer your question?

I find that hard to answer, think I am still getting my head around it 14 months in. Ds in himself makes me extremely happy I can cry with joy just looking at him. However all the hassle, sleeplessness, inconvenience and lack of personal space/time does my head in. I'm hoping that I just get used to it as time goes on.

Gilberte, agree totally re introverts and exhaustion.

Happier deffinatly. Seeing my 9week old DD give me a gummy smile just makes me melt