On becoming Mary Poppins... Toddler and newborn support thread #2

[ThePinkNinja]

A place to continue the complaining conversation about the hair pulling days and sleepless nights fun and frolics of life with a toddler and newborn

EMS thank you but I googled it and got the instruction manual in PDF - it's working again! Very proud of myself.

I am just quite sleep deprived at the moment - both DS's are waking in the night quite frequently and I'm bouncing like a zombie from screaming child to screaming child during the night. DS1 has a nasty cough/cold combo which is why he's waking, but I suppose that's going to be the case until about May, isn't it. At least DS2's night wakings are a bit more predictable.

I just feel like the biggest failure ever when DS1 hits another child or deliberately does something he knows he's not allowed to, and then finds it hilarious when I attempt to discipline him! Is this normal for a 2.1 year old or am I actually just the crappest mother on the planet?

crazypaving how old is DS2? does he have a cold and a cough?

reasons for asking is as pre my recent posts, my DS2 has just spent time in hospital for bronchiolitis, we dismissed cold/cough but ended up going to hospital in the middle of the night as he'd had a small feed at 4pm that day and then a 1 min feed at 8pm then nothing since....and he would usually feed 7min per hour daytimes and cluster feed at night till 10pm ish....so i knew he hadn't fed anywhere near as much as he should have done. He had stopped feeding because he simply couldn't breath and feed at the same time.

Slightly less worrying possibility is that he sometimes screams instead of feeding if he has trapped farts, problem is most of his farts are done whilst feeding so vicious circle, won't feed so can't fart, so won't feed...but 11am to 6pm gone is worrying to me...

X post. My DS1 currently ignores me whenever i try to tell him off calmly, ask him nicely not to do something, through to shouting at the top of my voice. Doesn't seem to matter what i say or how i say it, i get no reaction whatsoever, he just blanks me and carries on with renewed enthusiasm. Lost for ideas but would appear to be normal (he is 25 months)

crazypaving I really do think its normal for kids our DC1's ages who have just had a new sibling. I'm pretty confident to say you're not a bad mum.
It's called the terrible twos for a reason and our little 'darlings' have the added bonus of a new sibling to react to. They don't fully understand who this baby is or why it's here.

I feel so frustrated with DD1 too, I know she's better than the tantrumming little moo she can be at the moment.

This too shall pass...

Thank you both, loopy and EMS! You have made me feel better - even if it's just in the knowledge that I'm not alone! Each day with both DS's feels like a total marathon at the moment. After nearly 10 weeks of it I am seriously ready for this to start getting easier. Soon.

Loopy DS1 has a cough/cold, DS2 so far is clear of it (not for long, I'm sure). Since I posted he's fed 3 times, so obviously making up for it....he's not a huge feeder at the best of times but has been on some kind of growth spurt for the past 3 days, so today threw me a bit. He seems to have 2 days per week each week where he consistently refuses the right boob What's that all about?

Kids, eh. Who'd have em. Little "darlings" indeed!

EMS "tantrumming little moo" that made me chuckle

Evening all. So sorry some of you are having a crap time of it with the toddlers but at the same time a little bit glad that it isn't just me
Dd is just over three weeks now and is a cow and gate baby and is banging her weight back on at last. Soo relieved and no sign that not 5 days ago she was in high dependency.

Ds however has been awful although towards dd he has been helping and is quite gentle with her. He is still surviving on pasta and cheese and yoghurts but to be fair looks well on it. He had a massive meltdown this evening and I don't know what made me do it but I took him to another room at home and just held him. I read somewhere to hold them tight and he fought me every step of the way. I just held him while he screamed and writhed and after twenty mins he put his arms round me and clung there for ages just sobbing. After that he was fine and ate his tea. Dp took his dummy away last night too and it was awful at bedtime but thought well he's done one night, may as well carry on and he was asleep in ten mins. This sounds stupid but its like he's trying to be in control
Of all situations and gets so upset if you don't abide by it but after this afternoons screaming meltdown, the worst I've ever seen he seems better like I've finally taken control and he's feels safe again and the boundaries finally established. I manage to stay calm as well. Time will tell I suppose and it's early days.

As for me I'm having a wisdom tooth out tomorrow and scared to death.

chezzie well done, you're doing better than I am. ds2 lives in the sling so it's hard to be hands on with ds1. we're all suffering as a result. not sure what to do but ds2 is poorly at the moment so really needs to be in the sling

tea time is our biggest issue. without fail ds1 refuses to get into his chair, throws food, screams and refuses to eat. he's always been a great eater and it seems like a control thing to me too.

thing is I'm so tired I find myself really shouting at him sometimes and I hate myself for it. he just doesn't listen to a word I say and it makes me go a bit mental I wish I could just hug him instead but ds2 is literally in the bloody way. do I just put ds2 down and let him scream in another room for half an hour? what do I do?

Well so far so good today. No meltdowns and that's with dd hitting the 3 week growth spurt and wolfing milk down.

I think what helped us was stopping breast feeding although that's a very personal thing but for me it's helped as dp can help with feeds now and the expressing lark was to time consuming. I have help to as mil doing all our washing etc and my mum helps out too.

With the good thing I leave little bowls of cut up apple and raisins lying around and he will snack on these. I never ask tho as it will ensure a tantrum and demands of sweets but just leave them around and he will eat them. would something like that help? Could be anything really, cheese and breadsticks or satsuma segments anything that's and quick and easy. Even a smoothie. Ds likes the innocent ones as I don't have time to make them at mo.

In all honesty as well and it's probably wrong but dd has been left crying to tend to ds. I suppose its a case of prioritising. I hate to hear them cry but when there's only one of you something's got to give.

When ds was tiny and screaming and I'd had enough i used to Hoover up to drown the noise out. Terrible I know but it was one of my coping strategies and helped calm him down too. He loves the Hoover still

Hello everyone, not been here for a while. Sorry to hear about babies having been in hospital and so on.

We are really struggling with practical stuff. DS1 goes to bed at about 8pm. Then DS2 usually has some looong feeds and I don't usually get down to housework till 9, 10 or even 11pm. By housework, I mean clearing up after dinner, putting out washing, basic things.

DH has no time to help. He spent ages this week tidying EVERYTHING ready for the estate agent coming to take photos, and now downstairs looks like a bomb site again.

I get nothing done in the day. It already takes till 11am before we can make it out of the house, unless DH can help, which is only 1 day a week. Yesterday I promised DS1 I'd play with him for half an hour, and only managed 5 minutes - and that made him late for bed.

crazy, that sling problem is an issue here too. I give DS1 sideways-on cuddles. Bedtime is our worst time - getting DS1 ready takes at least an hour and a half because I bf him before bed, and DS2 invariably wakes up when I take him out of the sling, then needs nappy done and feeding, then getting to sleep again etc etc. Until last week we had to do 3x a day physio for DS1, which meant I had to put DS2 down each time. He never stayed asleep for long once I'd put him down.

hi angel, I'm another one finding basic day-to-day stuff overwhelming. this is without doubt the hardest thing I have ever done. days are only survivable if I attack them with exactly the right attitude from start to finish. if I slip up slightly it all goes to pot immediately - I lose my cool and despair sets in quickly. being constantly exhausted makes it so much harder. it's so tough facing each week knowing what it takes to get through each day. I really hope I'm up to the task 10.5 weeks in and I'm just so shattered and desperate to know when it'll get easier. thank goodness for Christmas and a bit of k break around the corner - really need it!

hope everyone's ok!

I've said it before il say it again this thread makes me feel normal. 6wk old and 2.4 yr old. Achieving the bare survival necessities of washing and cleaning. I keep telling myself nxt Christmas I won't be breast feeding il be drinking mulled wine and the house will look a hell of a lot better. Bugger it x

bugger it indeed, debbie, and bring on the mulled wine!

(not sure about the house looking better - I have a rather laissez faire approach at the best of times which drives DH insane )

Finally popping back in after a brief introduction at the start of the thread. DS will be 7 wks later this week and DD will be 21 mo. We're still working on establishing a routine -- the dinner/bath/bedtime part is proving the hardest, especially the days when I'm on my own. But even when DH works from home and lends a hand it's still chaotic.

DS's bedtime feed happens in part during DD's dinner, so it gets interrupted a lot and he dozes, then wakes, then has a hard time settling ... I feel bad that he doesn't get the cosy, dark, quiet bedtime feed that I was able to do with DD.

Am I the only one barely getting out of the house these days? I feel terribly guilty about not taking DD out to the park as much anymore. Before DS arrived, we'd go pretty much every day; now I manage it maybe once a week and leave it to DH the days he's available. I suppose it will get easier eventually, but right now, when I do have to go out with both kids, it takes me at least an hour to get ready, and I'm nowhere near ready to face getting on the bus or tube with the double buggy, so we just stay very local.

Luckily, DD has adjusted well so far to DS's arrival. If he starts crying, she calls to me and signs "milk". If I enter a room without him, she asks where he is. And she loves to kiss him and bounce him in the bouncy chair. Really very sweet. So although a lot of each day is challenging and I don't always keep my cool, I'm forever aware of just how cute they both are and that it's all totally worth it.

I'd really, really like a solid night's sleep, though.

Hi

Can I join?

I have a 17 month old and an 8 week old. Any tips or hints to save my sanity would be really appreciated.

I am bf the 8 week old. I have no help close to hand and dh is out 7-7.......

....help!

Urgh, I'm having one of those days where I could happily run away from it all.
DD2 is not feeding well at all, refusing to drink after the first few ounces. She's not sleeping great as a result and she's dropped a centile so the HV has asked for her to be weighed every two weeks to monitor it.
DD1 had a CMP intolerance so I appreciate them being vigilant but I feel stressed by it.

It was a bad night, sleep wise and DD1 is being jealous, screamy, clingy and generally naughty today. My DH is also struggling today which doesn't help as normally we can chivvy each other along.

Why oh why didn't I leave a bigger gap between these two? I'm so physically exhausted. My shoulders and back are screaming every night and I'm asleep by 9.30pm, which is so boring!

And it's nearly Xmas and I've not been 'home' since August so I'm really missing my friends and family. We won a meal for two in a raffle but I don't know when we'll get to do that as we have no friends or family here who can babysit.

I want a weekend away, in a bliss hotel, with a huge sumptuous bed, a fully stocked minibar, a fabulous restaurant and a spa where I'd have a 2 hour massage! And I'd probably have a few cheeky ciggies, which I never do anymore but I feel like reclaiming old me today! In fact, I want to go dancing, with my friends.
Oh stop, this is just getting me down!

Hi all. Please can I join too. Ds1 is 20 months old and DS2 is 10 weeks today. Exactly 18 months between them.

It's hard with family and friends helping me out (I have some MH problems) so I have serious respect for those of you coping on your own. I don't know how you do it! I hate to wish the time away but even I wish they were in school, but a number of years to go yet!

ems. I know exactly what you mean. I'm a mere shadow of my former self.

EMS how tragic is it that I'd love to be in bed by 9.30 every night? unfortunately sometimes we can't settle ds2 til closer to 11p.m...yawn

Hi all.

I'm not coping too well myself at the moment either. I have managed to get the food shopping for Christmas done and the prezzies are wrapped but I'm not even remotely looking forward to Christmas. I hope friends and family are not to upset I havnt for them much for Christmas. I have turned into a snouty impatient mum and I hate myself for that but I can't seem to stop it. Ds has been better he's 2.5 but last night was awful going to bed and took two hours to settle. Dd is now 4 weeks and her feeding is terrible too -ems23- so I share your pain. She's been out if hospital 2 weeks now after her hdu stay for bronchiolitis and then got another bloody cold. I sometimes think im just not cut out to be a mum as I crave some time to myself where there are no children and its just quiet and peaceful. But then I'd probably miss them and be worrying if they were ok. Please tell me it's not just me.

chezzie it's not just you!! I also frequently wonder if I'm really cut out to be a mum, and some time alone without children sounds like HEAVEN.

I've just found out my childminder can only do 2 days as of Jan, and is taking 4 weeks off in March and 7!!! in October/November for a course she's doing. absolutely gutted as she's great with ds1 and he loves going to her house but argh that's so much to take on board!!

god I'm tired. I'm struggling to sleep when I have the chance and I dread the days when I have both boys. I honestly just don't know that many people and really struggle to fill the days god I sound like a right loser

sort of dreading Christmas, mainly cos of sleeping arrangements - all four of us have to share the same room. I am a really bad, light sleeper so I will be getting precisely no sleep...

Is it to early for a sherry???

With you. Dreading Christmas, knackered, can't cope on my days with both children and not sure I'm cut out for this at all!!

Debbie - no, not too early at all - bottoms up!

sherry? With a gin chaser?