Fantastic 40+ Mums

[Hpbp]

Mum of 2, DS1 nearly 4yo and DD2 almost 11 weeks. I hope to find here advices from experienced mums so that I can avoid mistakes... I made some with DS1 and my life sometimes is hell, it is hard to unlearn wrong behaviour, so hard.
At the time being, DD2 is a very sweet baby, she is easy to decipher, cries are always related to some kind of discomfort and I managed to learn what they mean, or almost. Only one issue with her ATM is that she rejects bottle feeding even with expressed milk. I'd like to be able to escape a bit from the house to get a haircut or a facial. And I am sure DH would like to feed her sometimes too.
I struggle a bit more with DS1, who is usually a good boy, energetic, happy and loving. But after school, getting him to take his bath is a battle and falling and staying asleep all night are big issues. The problems did exist before but now with the recent arrival of his sister, the intensity has increased. Or maybe they are the same but to me they seem bigger and need to be addressed quickly so that I can look after both without raising my voice.
All advice are welcome. I need help here.

Also I'd like to invite all the graduates from the Fantastic 40+ Mums to be thread to join. You have been truly fantastic and so supportive during my pg. I hope to be able to keep on sharing with you this wonderful parenting adventure.

midget that sounds not nice - still not sure what one is but guessing not great.
vq thanks for poo advice, all back to normal now, if a little more explosive. well done for drive - freedom!
I have scarecrow hair like lrm, can't imagine ever getting chance to visit hairdresser ever again ... may have to trim it myself. Oh, the glamour! hpbp i like the sound of the blue-black hair too, go for it!
lrm im going through similar. baby seaside is permanently in my arms, although she did submit to 20 mins in cot and 1 hour in carseat today - yay! i only had 1 hrs sleep last night, its getting worse and feel pretty shattered and overwhelmed today. maybe its not too soon to try baby whisperer method? And also thinking of bouncy chair of somekind for daytime, really need some means of getting to look etc
Planning 1st solo pram trip this week. have picked up free boots changing bag so am finally semi- prepared. wish me luck! Who would have thought i used to have a career and responsability ... and used to go out

seaside having a baby is hard work. Do not be down on yourself. When you were working I bed you got more than 1 hour sleep!

I an reading Gina Ford again, then will read baby whisperer. Not too soon I am sure.

Midget, so sorry to hear about prolapse. What's the next step ? Can it get better if you have perineum exercises ? Or is surgery the only cure ? After my first pg, MW mentioned my perineum was weak, it took me a long time to figure out where it was first and then how to train these muscles. Obstetrician mentioned a low womb right after Anastasia's birth as we were waiting for the placenta to come out. So as soon as I had my 6 week check up, I started perineum exercices with MW, 3 times a week, for 3 weeks. I still haven't got a lot of strength down there but I now know what to do. These exercices are to be performed 3 times a week at least during a year after giving birth and then throughout life whenever you think about it. The good thing is you do not need any equipment, and can do it anywhere, sitting, standing or lying. i will see if I can find some books in English for you.
VQ, re wind, have you tried sitting baby J on your lap, with his chin resting on your right arm and patting his back with the left one ? Or lying him on your left arm, his chin near your left elbow, face down, while massaging his tummy with your right hand ? Or putting him on your bed and making him cycle or holding his 2 legs together and making circles from left to right and gently lift him up ? I also found osteopathy worked well for Anastasia.
LRM, Seaside, I know, I know, these babies are so demanding, aren't they ? Our arms, back, neck and breast are aching... We would like just 3 minutes to sit down on our own to sip a hot drink, wash our face, comb our hair, get a (not too long) proper shower (forget about bath!), go to the loo, do all that without haste for once. I remember VQ's wise words (as usual): a little bit of crying won't do bavies any harm. And of course she s right. And it is allowed to put them down in a safe place ! Even if the protest. :) I had Anastasia all the time in my arms for the first 8 weeks or so, feeding and sleeping. It took me sometimes 2 hours to put her down in her cot for the night. I was desperate.
I read Gina Ford, dr Sears and I discovered Tracy Hogg AKA the baby whisperer, I felt in tune with Tracy H although Gina Ford has some good points too but she sounds too harsh to my liking. I tried a combination of advices, those that I agreed with and they do work. It is not to early to read these books. The baby whisperer gives this tip : EASY meaning Eat, feed your baby, A for activity, put him down to play after feed, or change, bathe, cuddle him... S for sleep and then Y for time to take care of yourself. This cycle should fit in 3 hours roughly at 3 months. The length of Activity increases as baby grows whereas the length of feeding shortens. Unfortunately, Sleep length does change that much, I get 45/50 minutes max with Anastasia, meaning that I have a max of 30 minutes nap when I am lucky. I found out that if I put Anastasia to play in her cot after feeding, burping and changing, she does not protest and can fall asleep on her own without crying. But if I keep her too long in my arms until she shows signs of tiredness, I am stuck and have to rock her to sleep.

Time to go back to sleep. Hope you are all having some rest too. Xxxx

Oh BTW thanks for your opinion on the black blue coloration ! Will give it a thought :) not ure I can findtime though.... :)

Not sure I find the time to sit and wait for coloring to penetrate. Typo, arggghhhh

Morning ladies
Midget. Hope u get sorted really soon. Sounds shit and thinking of u
Bythesea. Looking forward to hearing how your buggy outing goes. I know what u mean about job and career. I am finding this more of a physical and mental challenge then anything work can throw at me. Plus glad not at work for a year. Return 16th September. Shame we dont all live near each other we could meet up laugh at each others hair does except your hpbp. Eat cake and laugh like mad women about how little sleep we get. Arms like orangutans infact I look like an orangutan now large female one have that vision in your minds ladies wearing bloody Elmo Jim jams in bed with baby monkey feeding and not wanting to sleep ahhhhhhh! Ewan on with his red belly glowing and a mad look in his eyes. ;

Hello all, it has been a while since I posted...
midget so sorry to hear about the possible prolapse. Hope it is easily fixable so you can start feeling much, much better.
hpbp the hair colouring sounds fab, Go for it! I have my lovely red dye waiting for that fabled couple of hours when I have the time to do it. I will also paint my toenails again...
seaside and lrm Babygoat slept on me for a couple of months. Last week he chose not to. Occasionally we have a bad night (like tonight) when he won't settle but usually he goes down now without completely waking. Or stays awake but merely talkative, and I'm afraid I am a bad mummy and I fall asleep and leave him to his monologue! Anyway I just wanted to say that even now at four months I can see that things are better and I am getting a little bit more sleep.
vq hooray to the drive, normality is on the (very slow!) way!
I have to do some Christmas shopping tomorrow as a friend is leaving for NZ on Tuesday and has promised to take them with her. Last minute merchant, me, never!!
lrm your typo made me

We will look back on this thread in months to come and be in teething worry mode then crawling talking and crying when we hand em overu to a stranger for childcare. At present is grumblimg like mad while he is feeding.
Goat good to hear from u
Bythesea. Get that pram out love unless it is raining

Childcare sounds fab at the moment! Thankfully I love my nursery as both girls have been there too. Younger one still is.

LRM, I really like the description of yourself as an orangutan ! So funny ! I won't die my hair if it prevents me from joining all of you for a tea party, no no no, I'd rather be with white hair than miss a gathering with Fantastic 40+ Mums and their babies... It would be so lovely if we could arrange something like that. Any one up for it ? I am back in London from Dec 1st, NW and glad to open the living room for you ladies, shame I have not got a winter garden, or a garden ! In another life maybe, or if I win the lottery ! Honestly if any of you is coming from out of London for XMas, we could try to agree on a day and meet up.
Goat, I have bought Xmas presents for friend's kids so far, have ideas for DS but have not thought about my DH's present yet. You are so organised !
Anastasia is awake. Will be back later. Xxx to all

How about a summer holiday in France with your mum next year? Like an aged hippy commune.

I am in Scotland. I used to live in Brixton. I miss London.

DH is getting shag and BJ tokens. Just a couple mind you, do not want to spoil him.

Oh would love to meet up with u all. The best day would be a fab spa day. Need that lottery win. Thanks for the invite hpbp. I do think we will all meet at some stage. It would be lovely to see all our babies. I would love to visit London. I am about 1.5hrs away by train in the middle of the country small city Lincoln. I know vq is in Scotland where do the rest of u ladies dont sleep, ?!

:-D VQ the thought of a hippy community of us old birds. It would make a wacky reality show.
What does everyone's day go like. I let baby monkey sleep on me for a couple of hours as he will only sleep in his basket at night. He use to sleep in his basket during the day. Got him there for ten mins earlier Or should not worry And enjoy the cuddles as he will grow so fast and be back at work wishing I was here. I think I struggle not doing anything. I have managed to clean my house this morning. After lunch off for a walk.

Lucky really thinking about it. Go to bed at 7 feed little man. Sleep for 8 -11ish. Feed again sleep 2 hours. Feed sleep 1 hour then wakes and goes and sleep on daddy. I have found I have to go to bed at eight. So I shall not moan as I get six hours kip an evening and I know some of u get soooo much less. So if I moan tell me to shout up :'( bythesea. I think of u every day especially as u said u only got an hour last night. Sending your little one sleep sheep's to jump over her so she sleeps for you. I think you are doing an amazing job honey and I take my hat off to you. Vq and hpbp hats off to u two for having to cope with a baby and other little ones.

Oh sorry midget. U also r doing fab especially as u r poorly.

I'm out the house!! Made it to a baby group, which was cancelled, but so proud of myself for getting here, and of baby seaside for sleeping in pram all the way, so stayed for cup of tea and bf anyway, and met a mum so this counts as social life :)
Id also love to have an old ladies meet up. am in sw, - sounds like we are really scattered... vq i also used to live brixton way in heady single days. Love your dh xmas present... No way dps getting that ;)
thanks all for encouraging me re sleep, it really helped. you are all so kind and supportive

I lived in the prison accommodation on brixton hill. I was there when the IRA broke out. I worked as a district nurse in brixton and surrounding area. I was young free and single. Wild times! Good memories. When I moved away I could not sleep as it was so quiet.

Hooray to seaside for making it out of the house! More than we have today... Shame the group was cancelled, but I am with you, any conversation with another adult is definitely social life
lrm I am at your description of us at a meet up! But also wondering if you have a hidden camera here... No Elmo PJs tho, just knickers and one of DH's T-shirts. And a slight waddle still. And peeling toenail polish, and roots that are becoming rhizomes. I just unpacked a box of clothes I grew out of in mid-pregnancy and am hoping I might fit them again. Will have to try later. Cross your fingers, ladies!
I am NW London too, hpbp although one breath away from Bucks. And I have a garden! We actually moved while I was still in hospital after having Babygoat. Poor DH, he deserved a medal for that! We will either have to tempt all you non-Londoners to come for a day in the big smoke, or we will have to get string, attach to a map and find the hub of our little coven and meet there.
vq at your presents for your DH! (and kudos for having the time... Babygoat seems to have a sixth sense for such matters and raises a protesting voice from two rooms away just as things get interesting )

Vq. A shag for present. Good idea. Made me smile like hell
Bythesea. Yeh fot getting out honey. I was going to venture out but it pissed it down. Will see what it is like Tuesday. If not put baby on my chest and watch the killings I have saved.
Goat. Glad we look the same can't beat the morning look all day. As I also spoke to a courier then yes we have a social life. Thank god I have my phone to text and go on line wAs going to attempt to paint my nails but time has gone by and feeding again. My boobs feel like they have been run over by a truck.
Got the health visitor due in the morning. So weigh in for the little Guy. Feels like he weighs loads more so as the day goes on. Fecking house with fecking stairs makes my fecking back ache.

Ooh a potential meetup? How exciting (she says, butting in even though she doesn't have a baby yet...)

I am about 1.5 hours from London, in the SW (like Seaside). By the way, Seaside I think we may be baby equipment twins as see you mentioned a tummy tub recently? I bought one off ebay as it sounded like the sort of thing I would like to have a bath in if I was small enough. You didn't buy a Baby Jogger in the end did you? (am planning to order one soon...). Well done on getting out of the house by the way!

LRM - I am still in shock at you being 6ft tall - I thought you were a little person (but not a monkey obviously) I wonder if Midget is a giant in real life too? Funny you mentioned the spa thing - my big extravagance the last couple of years has been membership of a local spa and I have a few guest tickets - of course any/all of you are totally welcome to come along and be my guest (although clearly the practicalities/logistics make this nigh-on impossible!) Sadly I will have to end my membership early Jan but hope to get a reasonable amount of use in the few weeks I have off before the baby appears.

I see lots of conversations about hair - I normally have terrible thin greasy hair, but while being PG it has been amazing - rarely wash it and it is tons thicker. This all ends once the baby is here, right? Am thinking about a crew cut in January as it is bound to fall out in heaps.

Really sorry to hear about your probable prolapse Midget - that sounds awful. I really hope you get sorted out soon - do you have to wait to be referred somewhere?

HPBP/Goat - I am more than happy to come to London for a visit (if I am allowed to turn up without a babby to show off)

Valium - awesome Christmas presents!! (Feel guilty now for considering buying DP a cookbook as an xmas present...)

Off to find some dinner now - hope you all have a nice evening - you are all an education and an inspiration!

Thanks for the love people. spoke to a lovely doctor today at my local surgery who says it is very early days and I could heal properly. My birth was pretty traumatic so hardly surprising my poor fanjo is suffering. Trying to be positive but also know sometimes this is misplaced. Can hardly walk without making things worse so doing lots of PFE's and hoping for the best. Have a physio referral so fingers crossed it will all mend itself. This is normal postpartum so I am told but doesn't feel very fecking normal.

I have Elmo pyjamas too, they are also covered in puke, we have that is common LRM. Alas I am not 6 foot wish I bloody was

I am also in north London so would be well up for meeting up. Best go bath the baby as he stinks of puke

Midget, this is good news. Regularity and reasonnable frequence of exercise will help you heal. Oh, I also was told to still roll over to get out of bed or from any horizontal position, even if there is no bump in the way anymore, this prevents from pushing internal organs down, my womb is pretty low and perineum weak so if I want to avoid prolapse later on, I have to do my exercise and think about rolling over when sitting up.
Puke and its smell, at least BF babies smell less than formula fed babies !!! Another advantage of BF !
Anastasia was staring at me today hile feeding, I smiled at her while stroking her hair and she smiled back with my boob in her mouth, so cute ! I can easily eat her cheeks.... And her fat hands and feet too !
Eagle, come for a visit even without the baby ! You might think then OMG what did I sign for ? And run home when you realise how old I look, incompetent and overstressed I can be :) I am just kidding, it is wonderful to be a parent but there is no user guide on how to care for a baby, raise a toddler and we just can't bring it back to maternity clinic ! So we are stuck for at least 18 years... Yes, there will be depressing moments but lots of fabulous instants, a lot more.
Can't believe DS is up again, 5th time in less than an hour, arghhhh. Will be back soon

VQ, I plan to be back in France for the summer next year. Lets keep the hippie meeting in mind, under the cherry tree, with kids crawling on the grass and us having icecreams, I like it ! :) in the meantime, we can try to find a date in Jan or Feb to meet in London if it is doable for some of us, if not all of us. I am free most days ! No job to return to !

Seaside, do you find the tummy tub easy to use, i.e put baby in with soapy hands and take out ? Can you use it now even if baby seaside cannot sit on its own yet ? Which pram did yoy go for BTW ? Same question to VQ.

Eagle, yes, hair was amazing during pg, shiny, thick, strong... 16 weeks later, I am horrified by the quantity I lose when I was them, I keep telling myself that in autumn, hair falls a lot more than usual anyway. Reassurance needed !

Goat, waouh, your DH does deserve his medal, moving house when you were having baby goat, that is impressive. And you deserve one too. If it was me, I woud have had a nervous breakdown. Well done to both of you.

I am going to sleep now. Need to follow the advice I gave to LRM !!!

vq prison accommodation and riots? i am intrigued by your early life! I hung out at the ritzy and the health food cafe at weekends - with lots of market and charity shop shopping. great market

goat we moved a few days before babys arrival so i didnt escape the moving hell ... any connection do you think with our prem babies? its been on my mind making me feel guilty most days ... oh the joy of mummy guilt

eagle do come to the meet up - bumps count and yes you are my twin! so nearly got a babyjogger versa. you must get a ewan the sheep and a non-sleeping baby to complete the snap lives. actually, talk of spas makes me feel very un-snap indeed - sounds lovely, enjoy while you can! sending u pm

hpbp I have uppababy vista. its a bit of a juggonaut of a pram, but i think lot of travel sytems are - massive shopping basket, easy to push, tiny turning circle, big carrycot suitable for overnights with washable lining (hemp! how middle class!) and pushchair is quite high up, reversible and folds all in one - i like it on the basis of one short outing, not a bad price, esp as I got 20% off. oh and tummy tub is lovely, but is a bit tricky for actual washing, and we arent even using soap yet. I'm thinking of it more as spa / therapy - I need to hold baby seaside under shoulders / chin, but she loves it - she goes instantly very very still in the water after kicking up a massive shouty fuss getting undressed, its very funny.

midget fingers crossed for physio - can work wonders, although i guess requires discipline and good memory to do the exercises everyday - I would struggle with both. makes you wonder, if its so common, how come no-one tells us this stuff? I feel for you

lrm i'm storing up the killings to watch too - with lots of choc, and baby seaside in new nordic jumper I bought specially to surprise dp - hehe