Too young to cry it out?

[Emmaonthehill]

Hi,
I'm mum to a 5 week old DB. Luckily our sleep in the night isn't too bad - he goes down straight after bath and bottle but during the day, he refuses to sleep. He will start to yawn and I take him to his room where I try to put him down but as soon as the head touches the sheet, he screams! Even if he has fallen asleep on me and I put him down, he wakes within a few minutes. I know 'crying it out' is suggested for much older babies but as soon as I lift him, he's fine and stops crying. I can't get anything done as I'm constantly lifting him! Is this something just to deal with or can I just leave him to cry? I'm confident hes not hungry or wet or anything else is obviously wrong, it just seems he has got me round his little finger and I'm scared he'll get into bad habits if we don't break them now! All suggestions welcome!

Good to hear you're feeling better Ali.

The not wanting to be put down thing usually doesn't last forever. My DD was a velcro baby for the first three months and then gradually grew out of it and then she started to cry to be put down instead!

I have a Kari-Me, but when she's upset she just goes on screaming even if I put her in it - plus if I'm stressed, tying it on never seems to go right! Can't walk very far at the moment as my episiotomy is still unhealed and painful; we live up a steep hill which is a killer at the moment!

I have the same sling and had the same problems

My baby used to scream for about ten or fifteen minutes after I put her in it. I just sort of decided for my sanity's sake I needed her to sleep in it and I would not be taking no for an answer. So I marched up and down the kitchen, grimly singing and jiggling my chest, and eventually she would grow quiet and finally go to sleep. For up to two hours sometimes.

Do you tie your sling on in front of a mirror? That helps. Do stick at it, the more you do it the faster you get and the more baby will learn to accept the sling. Once she's asleep you might even get to prop yourself up on the couch with pillows and close your own eyes. Even just having free hands for a cup, sandwich and laptop meant so much back then.

I was just saying to DP earlier that I am so glad that I never have to go through those early weeks for the first time ever again. Because they were hell. His reply: 'yes but how come nobody told us that one day she would just magically fix herself and grow out of it?'

Keep posting.

Glad to hear your DP will be around a bit more - its's such a huge help when someone else can take the baby, even if it's only for 20 minutes.

I did the strap them in the sling, march and jiggle as well. For three months that was the only way mine would sleep - it was ok, I did two long walks a day (luckily was summer)and lost all the baby weight. She eventually transitioned to cot for naps when she was about 4-5months old. I can look back on it and smile - but was knackering at the time!

It's so strange that OP has asked for advice and some people are using a real tone on her.
She's new to this, and can do without the judgment

Can you lie on your bed with her? I used to lie in bed with her on me, stick the tv on, then once she was fast asleep I could lie her beside me and doze myself?

Hope you feel better yourself soon too x

I don't want to hijack the thread but this feels like a relevant place for this question.

Been bothering me for a while as i try shhh pat with my 15 wo. She screams and screams and screams. It makes her miserable. I tried an idea from another thread about taking her into bed and cuddling to shh pat but she got so worked up she was sick. This strikes me as CIO but done while holding her! I swear she only sleeps in the end through exhaustion. Does this not raise her cortisol levels and do the same damage as leaving her?

So far i wimp out when she hits defcon 1 and end up swaying and bouncing, which is all she wants and instantly calms her. What is really the harm, my sleep deprivation is more about night feeding, but that is an age thing.

How long does it take her to fall asleep like that Trying? She has learnt that bouncing is how she goes to sleep (effectively, you have taught her that's how she goes to sleep - not blaming you! If she has always been rocked to sleep, she will associate it with falling asleep and when you try to get her to sleep without bouncing, it confuses her!).

I wouldn't worry too much about the cortisol level thing - personally, I see it as another scare-mongering thing to makes mothers feel guilty about their choices. Research has shown that although it does raise cortisol levels, it's not all it seems on the surface - here is a good link:
scienceofmom.com/2012/03/30/helping-babies-cope-with-stress-and-learn-to-sleep/

It's funny how quickly you forget but during the first few months DD would only go to sleep if rocked and then she just grew out of it. She now self-settles after a quick BF before bedtime.

I think that for the majority of babies, they just grow out of it when they're ready.

Mine just grew out of it too - she was always boob to sleep and/or rocked to sleep, if not in mine or DP's arms, in the buggy.

I did kind of teach her to self-settle by using the buggy when she was about 4 and a half months. Bit of a haphazard method: I sort of piled on every sleep prop available besides boob (so, white noise, vigorous rocking in buggy, comforter, and music) and then once she got herself off to sleep like that, I gradually made the rocking less and less. After a few weeks I was able to put her in her buggy, give her her comforter, and put on the white noise and music and she would just go to sleep herself after a few minutes' grizzling. No rocking. And after a week or two of that, I transferred her to the cot with comforter, white noise and music. So by about 5.5 months she was pretty much able to self-settle.

I still can't believe it tbh, this was the world's neediest baby, but she just needed time to get a bit older! God, I remember doing a phone interview when she was 3mo: she was sleeping in my arms because she wouldn't sleep anywhere else and I was trying to sound confident to my prospective employer that I'd be able to take on a contract when she was 4mo...I was terrified of speaking too loudly in case I woke her up and she screamed!

My DS grew out of it. Then i realised how much i missed it I still get all dewey eyed remembering those lovely weeks of closeness. He rarely sits still long enough for a proper cuddle these days, though he is an excellent little sleeper. It seems all those days of cuddling, rocking, playing him music, walking him around in a sling etc have done no long term damage to his sleep habits!

Put him in a sling and continue with the closeness is my advice. As he gets older you can periodically try putting him in his cot/ moses basket when he seems tired and see what happens. If he cries, cuddle him, if he goes to sleep then you've almost cracked it!

matana

It's funny, I absolutely agree with your post, but I remember when my baby was 5-19weeks and NOT SLEEPING, and I just wanted to thump people who kept saying 'oh, they grow up so quickly, enjoy the cuddles while you can!' I too can say that now but at the time I just kept wishing the weeks away so that DD would get older and hit this magical 6-month mark people kept talking about. Terrible to be wishing your child's life away, but very normal when you've a screamy non-sleeper, IMO. I think unless you've experienced a baby who doesn't sleep and cries all of the time, it's difficult to understand just how scary (for want of a better word) that can be.

None of the babies I knew in RL were like mine: they were ff and peaceable and their mothers were actually doing things like GOING TO ZUMBA when the babies were 6 weeks old! And the mothers kept saying about how much they loved being a mum and how much love they felt and how they couldn't wait to have another. Well the thought of ever having another made me want to burst into great racking sobs. Posting here was the only thing that saved my sanity, so to the OP and others who are having a tough time, keep posting, you and your baby ARE normal!

Yes i hear you IShall It's good that people can vent and get reassurance on here.

The OP isn't saying her LO cries all the time, just when not being held (i think). I think slings are an absolute god-send and certainly enabled me to potter around the kitchen - and some evenings actually eat some dinner! The OP is also fortunate that the all-important night time sleep is pretty good so hopefully she hasmore energy to deal with the non sleeping daytimes without too much sleep deprivation!

My DS would only sleep if held in the day and was awake all night grunting, snorting and generally sounding uncomfortable until i began co-sleeping. I remember that 12-16 weeks was a big turning point. It does seem a long way off when your LO is a newborn, but it passes so quickly and if i could turn back time i would just enjoy my DS needing me. I was very fortunate that my DS didn't cry and i was probably one of those irritating people you're talking about

Thanks for the link, interesting to hear cortisol and any crying won't turn her into an antisocial axe murderer! It takes her anything from 20 mins to 45 mins to succomb to sleep with shhh pat. Or with rocking, the difference is that shh pat is a lot of crying along the way.

Maybe i'll just go along with soothing her to sleep and ignore the baby whisperer. She is very doom and gloom about every day you keep giving in to 'bad' habits like rocking, making it harder to break.

I totally empathise with aliphil, it's just so exhausting you do end up resenting the baby at least from time to time. The other day i said, 'oh, shut up, no one's interested' and walked away from her. The thing is i can only got about three paces away! I suppose i am interested! Fortunately there are also plenty of cute moments when i do love her and it's all ok. I hope these come back for you Aliphil, nature is pretty cunning that way so i hope so.

There are some good tips for soothing tinies here babycalm.wordpress.com/2012/07/06/the-fourth-trimester-aka-why-your-newborn-is-only-happy-in-your-arms-30/

She's learnt to smile. Doesn't make the evening screamfests any easier - am typing this one-handed as she's just started one - but at least we now get a few magical moments during the day. Visitors all say how placid she is - little do they know!

Hey OP :) Having a newborn is exhausting - I used to work nights, so thought I knew what tired was, but hehe I was wrong. It is worth it later though :) Know what you mean about getting told off - I asked a weaning question once and boy was that a mistake lol. So many soap boxes I could have built a house with them.

I do agree that your little one is too young to cry it out, or even do controlled crying with. Is there someone who can share the burden? At one stage DH and I took it in turns the whole day to hold DC until he learnt to cope alone. (Luckily he works part time and I was able to take a few weeks maternity). Maybe your mum or a friend can help if he works full time? The baby whisperer book is great if you get time to read - it really helped us (and him, he was much happier after) establishing the routine she suggests.

Good luck it will get better.

aliphil ours always behaves for visitors too - belies the hours we put in to get him that calm!!