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Original poster

Too young to cry it out?

118 replies

Emmaonthehill · 09/09/2012 14:06

Hi,
I'm mum to a 5 week old DB. Luckily our sleep in the night isn't too bad - he goes down straight after bath and bottle but during the day, he refuses to sleep. He will start to yawn and I take him to his room where I try to put him down but as soon as the head touches the sheet, he screams! Even if he has fallen asleep on me and I put him down, he wakes within a few minutes. I know 'crying it out' is suggested for much older babies but as soon as I lift him, he's fine and stops crying. I can't get anything done as I'm constantly lifting him! Is this something just to deal with or can I just leave him to cry? I'm confident hes not hungry or wet or anything else is obviously wrong, it just seems he has got me round his little finger and I'm scared he'll get into bad habits if we don't break them now! All suggestions welcome!

OP posts:

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lovechoc · 10/09/2012 20:24

To think how quickly they grow up, honestly. Your baby is only 5 weeks old, and needs comfort from you. Before you know it, your baby will be sleeping in a regular pattern but for now, you'll have to put up with lack of sleep. Part of the territory, I'm afraid when you have a family!

bobbledunk · 10/09/2012 23:50

Don't let him cry, he's so new to the world and your contact is his security. He needs to be held, rocked and cuddled to feel safe.

aliphil · 11/09/2012 20:07

I have a 4 week old and sympathise with the OP. How the hell are you supposed to "enjoy the cuddles" for more than about a week? It is so boring!

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Fuzzymuzz · 11/09/2012 20:25

You won't always enjoy the cuddles - and yes it can get boring, and it is hard going. But I personally thought a bit of (temporary) boredom was better than leaving a baby that knows nothing about the world other than the fact she wants her Mum close-by to scream their head of believing that no-one will come along.
Being a Mum is hardgoing... and sometimes really really boring. But I'd rather be bored with a happy baby any day.

BenRoo · 11/09/2012 20:26

Get yourself a sling.
Best thing you can do.
I'd recommend a kari-me for your 1st one.
You'll surprise yourself with just how much you can get done.
Although there's nothing quite like sitting down,attending to your babys every need.
Everything else can wait.
Trust me,it goes by so quickly. Use this time to bond and get to know your LO.
Good luck Mama

aliphil · 11/09/2012 20:38

A permanently demanding little monster that does nothing but feed (painfully) and scream? Why should I care if it's happy? If it wants cuddles, why does it kick and scream all the time I hold it? I think all the people who say "enjoy this time" have forgotten what it's like. I expected pain, sleep deprivation, etc., but people told me I'd find my own baby endlessly fascinating, that I'd be happy just to hold it and gaze at it. Well, I was, for the first few days. Now I just want it to shut up and go away.

hazeyjane · 11/09/2012 20:41

aliphil, i think you need to seek some help, if that is the way you feel about your baby.

GOLDFaverolles · 11/09/2012 20:48

Aliphil, would you consider speaking to your HV or GP?
In the nicest possibly way, how you are feeling isn't normal.

Also, if BFing is still painful, contact a breastfeeding councelor. It may be your baby has a tongue tie, or a latch issue that can easily be sorted.

Hope you feel better about things soon x

StewieGriffinsMom · 11/09/2012 20:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

showtunesgirl · 11/09/2012 20:53

Aliphil, I'm sorry you feel this way. I felt a bit of it during the first few months but it sounds as though you're feeling rather down about it and need a bit of help. Please do talk to someone, I didn't until a few weeks ago and DD is now nine months and I so wish I'd done it sooner as it interefered with me bonding with her.

SirGOLDBoobs · 11/09/2012 20:53

Aliphil - have you spoken to your GP or HV? You sound incredibly angry and depressed.

OP, cry it out can do serious brain damage, and the younger the do it from, the worse it is. The early weeks of parenting are a wake up call - you are no longer the center of the universe :) Pick your baby up, and attend to his needs.

Fuzzymuzz · 11/09/2012 21:02

Aliphil - I think most new Mums would agree that it is one of the hardest times of their lives. I agree with the others though - the way you spoke in your most recent post was worrying... it's very hard, but it shouldn't be THAT hard. Please get some help because along with the hard times there is a lot to get from being a new Mum.

Original poster

Emmaonthehill · 11/09/2012 21:08

What serious brain damage can it do? Really?

OP posts:

Fuzzymuzz · 11/09/2012 21:12

There was a study done which showed the effects of cortisol - the stress hormone released while distressed crying can cause brain damage in young babies if left for prolonged periods of time.
That aside - why would anyone want to teach their baby that if they cry their Mums won't help them out?!

FamiliesShareGerms · 11/09/2012 21:13

Ali, I never quite got the sitting-watching-them-sleep thing when DS was a baby (I could watch him now for hours, though - he's six!) And I'm not one f those mums who can't bear to be apart from my children or let other people hold them etc. But I have never, ever ever wanted my children to go away. Please talk to someone in RL about how you feel towards your baby x

NellyBluth · 11/09/2012 22:15

Ali, I have had my moments with DD when she doesn't do what I 'want' her to do, but your post is very, very worrying. Boring is one thing. I was at baby groups when DD was 3 weeks old because I couldn't cope sitting in the house alone all day. If you 'don't care' and want your baby to 'go away', please think about phoning a HV or GP. Or at the very least starting a thread about it on here to talk about how you feel.

Emma, I worried a lot when DD was very young about creating a rod for my own back etc., but at that age they don't even understand that they aren't part of you any more. 5 weeks is very, very young, and a lot of babies won't sleep on their own at this age. If he will sleep in the pram or on you, that is a good thing.

FatFaced · 11/09/2012 22:21

You say you take him to 'his room' OP. Can you have him in with you?

SirGOLDBoobs · 11/09/2012 22:35

The dangers of crying it out

The tone of your posts actually makes me feel a bit sick OP.

GhouliaYelps · 11/09/2012 22:42

OP of course you can't leave a 5 week old newborn to CIO. Huge no with a big heap of no on top. CC is reccomended from 6m if you make an informed, conscious decision to do so.

ALI your posts are disturbing. Please get help.

SugarBatty · 11/09/2012 22:43

Babies brain cells change structure from the distress of being left to cry and can deplete. Google it and I'm sure studies will come up, I can't link anything as on a crap phone. Op you have being given some really good sensitive advice on here and the general vibe is not to leave your baby to cry. Yes its hard but that's life with a newborn. Instead of thinking of the negative think how lucky you are to have a baby in an age and country where there is loads of support around you. Even if you don't have a partner or family you can speak to your hv or gp or childrens centre who will help if you need it. Your baby cries when you put it down for a reason and as a parent its your responsibility to meet your babies needs, a huge amount of that is meeting their emotional needs. Try see it as important as its need to be fed or nappies changed, it really is as important. If your finding it hard speak to someone and please take on board what people have said on here.

mummysmellsofsick · 11/09/2012 22:52

aaahhh mumsnet you have warned my heart.... OP they are right, CIO is a Victorian technique and should have been outlawed with child labour and workhouses. Psychologists agree it's a very bad thing. Nannies and some parents like it because it teaches the child to give up trying to communicate its needs and so you tend to have a quieter baby. You need a good sling. Excellent sling advice on www.naturalmamas.co.uk

LittleBearPad · 11/09/2012 22:55

There's no way that a five week old will wrap you around their finger, so don't worry about creating bad habits. Cuddle him, he needs his mum but if you do want to get on with things get a good sling and he'll sleep in that.

Ali please talk to someone about how you feel. Good luck

seeker · 11/09/2012 23:34

And even if he could wrap you round his little finger- where's the harm in that? Isn't that what our children are supposed to do?

EasilyBored · 12/09/2012 08:51

This sounds really trite, but OP, you will miss those sleepy cuddles. At the time I found it draining, I was fed up and exhausted and desperate for sleep. Now, DS is nearly 9 months and so so so independent. I treasure the times he falls asleep in my arms or in the sling, they arefew and far between, and I can look at him and still see my teeny tiny baby.

5 weeks is far too young to be left upset and alone. Put him in a sling or wrap or pram. He is far too young to be worried about creating bad habits. When you're totally exhausted, take him to bed, take snacks and the laptop or some DVDs and hibernate for the day. It gets easier, eventually!

Totobear · 12/09/2012 08:54

Lots of cuddling, holding, comforting is the way to go. You will find if you do this you will grow a happy, secure baby who will be put down when a bit older.

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