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Original poster

Broken hearted over my DS

939 replies

DistressedMumHELP · 29/08/2012 22:09

Okay, i want help and reassurance really. I have name changed for this in case anyone recognises me. I was stopped and asked for an account of events yesterday after witnessing an altercation and the police officer noticed the bruise on my little boys cheek. Which i explained was where he had fallen in between the step and bench in my garden, they then noticed he has bruises on his legs around his knees, so eventually they arrested me on suspicion of ABH. I was of course a mess, but i was told at the time that it was procedure etc, so i was compliant with them, Last night i got released on police bail and was of course expecting my little boy back, but today after seeing social services they have said i cant have him returned to me. I am heart broken, i have never hurt my child on purpose, and i look after him as best as possible. Originally they were saying he didnt talk, but today in front of the social worker he was talking, and i am trying to explain that he gets shy about talking, when they say he is friendly etc. They went through all my history and i have been as open as possible with them, and i dont know what to do. They want to keep him in care and are applying for a court order on friday to do so. I plan on seeing a solicitor tomorrow, the only reason i didnt today was because i didnt leave the social services until half 5 so no where was open.

I NEED A HUG. I PROMISE I WOULD NEVER HURT HIM AND FEEL THAT JUST A FEW BRUISES HAVE TAKEN MY SON FROM ME. Sad Sad Sad

I want him home. Does anyone have any experiences? How long will it take? They said they couldnt say,

OP posts:
Lougle · 08/09/2012 22:52

Just keep talking to your Social Worker. Keep making sure that you are putting your DS first, even if that means that you admit how hard it is to deal with your problems and put him first.

I hope that whatever the outcome with your DS, you get the help you need. You sound so very, very, damaged Sad

Well done, keep going.

MadameDefarge · 09/09/2012 13:08

Been thinking about you a lot. the changes you must put in place are vital. but also involve loss. i think you might really benefit from finding other activities to replace your usual ones . feeding yourself as it were. excercise is good. maybe start swimming or take up dancing? another thing you might do is look at your local la courses. maybe a once a week course in cooking would be a useful and positive thing for you. new faces, learning a new skill that would directly benefit you and ds.

MadameDefarge · 09/09/2012 13:13

Been thinking about you a lot. the changes you must put in place are vital. but also involve loss. i think you might really benefit from finding other activities to replace your usual ones . feeding yourself as it were. excercise is good. maybe start swimming or take up dancing? another thing you might do is look at your local la courses. maybe a once a week course in cooking would be a useful and positive thing for you. new faces, learning a new skill that would directly benefit you and ds.

Original poster
DistressedMumHELP · 09/09/2012 17:20

I was going to look into getting back to horse riding, it was something i loved as a teenager, cooking would probably be a good one as well. I was also thinking about going back to the gym and get some exercise which will do me good.

I saw an ad in the paper, but unfortunately i threw it for stable girls of a weekend they want work in exchange for free rides, which for me is perfect, i cant afford lessons but i could do that.

I think not only doing courses or getting involved in things that benefit both me and DS but maybe as well having something of my own so to speak would be of benefit, my own bit of time, and when he is older he can join in too.

OP posts:
MadameDefarge · 10/09/2012 08:03

no time like the present. its enrolment now for adult learning courses. make that a task you can do today.

TimeForMeAndDD · 10/09/2012 08:11

You were looking forward to starting your college course in September OP, is that still an option for you? As MadameDefarge says, enrolment time is now, so that is something you could do.

snapespeare · 10/09/2012 13:58

OP - can you PM me? please. :)

Original poster
DistressedMumHELP · 10/09/2012 16:19

I am right now searching for local adult education courses, dont need english or maths

OP posts:
TimeForMeAndDD · 10/09/2012 17:59

What would you like to study OP? Are you looking for something that will help you with future employment or something more for fun, that will get you out of the house and mixing with people? That will help with your confidence and self esteem Smile

TimeForMeAndDD · 10/09/2012 18:00

Just wondering OP, have you thought about volunteer work? Just a couple of hours a day, helping out somewhere. That would help with your self esteem too.

Original poster
DistressedMumHELP · 10/09/2012 20:09

I want to do something for my career but law it seems impossible to do without it being timetabled. Someone has sent me details and is putting me in touch with an organisation that deals with counselling and alternative therapies, which should help me mix with other people again and regain my confidence. I do need a confidence and self esteem boost i think.

OP posts:
TimeForMeAndDD · 10/09/2012 21:34

Yes, you do! And that's great, it's a good start Smile

snapespeare · 10/09/2012 22:26

Nothing is 'impossible' OP. you can do anything you set your mind to, with help & support. Think of what you will be like in ten years, family law, helping women like you...

snapespeare · 10/09/2012 22:27

...and being a great mum to your DS.

Original poster
DistressedMumHELP · 11/09/2012 01:26

Maybe not impossible, but maybe need to find a different route. In ten years time, i would still like to be living where i am but in a position to afford to buy it if my landlord did decide to sell it.

I am finding myself increasingly tired the last few weeks, but i suffer from b12, folate and iron deficency anaemia, and am due a new injection at the end of september, but maybe i need them more often cos i always feel like it when i am due another one.

OP posts:
TimeForMeAndDD · 11/09/2012 07:30

Maybe, you do. You are under a lot of stress at the moment too, that will make you feel tired. You can talk to your GP about all that today Smile

And you don't sound stupid re buying the house. It's a goal, and it's good to have goals, things to aim for, it keeps you motivated.

Original poster
DistressedMumHELP · 11/09/2012 17:43

GP thinks its my B12, cos its due again....they have given me five vials so does that mean 5 horrid injections over a course of two weeks again? silently prays not, but thinks it would give me energy

OP posts:
HiHowAreYou · 11/09/2012 19:02

I have unfortunately seen a child with adult bite marks. I knew what they were straight away. They were not difficult to spot or identify. I don't know if that's always the case.

I don't know why I'm posting that really, just, hmm, I'm... sad that a mum would be living the sort of life that she wouldn't notice bite marks on her baby. Or have any idea where or when they came from.

I hope the OP does what's best for her child now. This may be supporting him in finding a new, more stable, home. Letting him find another family and settle in while he is still young.

Original poster
DistressedMumHELP · 11/09/2012 19:12

My son suffers most likely with the same blood disorder as me and therefore i always have bruises, in fact right now i have two on the underneath of my left arm, one on my right hip, one on the inside of my left leg, one on my foot, two on my calves, one by my wrist and those are only the ones i have noticed, if someone examined me right now they would probably think pretty.much the same as they do my little boy. quite possibly because my bruising is like it, maybe i didnt realise that the bruising was abnormal for someone else cos i have always grown up with such bruising IYSWIM?

I am trying to do what is best now, i am thanks to people on here managing to access various services much quicker than the NHS would be able to provide.

It was a round bruise, no clear teeth marks, just a round bruise like any other normal bruise from falling over.

I AM NOT GOING TO JUST GIVE UP MY FIGHT TO HAVE MY LITTLE BOY BACK, I AM GOING TO DO EVERYTHING IN MY POWER SO THAT I CAN PROVIDE HIM WITH A STABLE HOME.

And honestly telling me to just let him go which is basically what has just been said isnt helping me.

I am realising now that i have been struggling, but covering it up, pretending everythings ok, its not now i am accepting that and getting help. I cant change the past BUT i can sort out the future

OP posts:
Lougle · 11/09/2012 19:15

HiHowAreYou, I don't know why you are posting that, either. If you had read the thread thoroughly, you would see that the OP has recognised that she has areas of her life which she needs help with, and she is going to engage with the relevant professionals, whether or not she has her DS returned to her.

I think we are past the handwringing that the OP didn't notice the injury to her DS. Her DS is safe, and his care is now none of our concern (in the sense that we can't influence it and he is not in danger). Now, the thread has moved on to supporting the OP through this difficult time, hoping that her life can be turned around, as well as her DS's.

Original poster
DistressedMumHELP · 11/09/2012 19:16

thank you lougle

OP posts:
griphook · 11/09/2012 19:35

Disstressedmum, glad to hear that you are able to access some of the services that have been suggested. Really hope that things are starting to look brighter for you.

Your long term plan of wanting to own your own home is the same as mine, and hopefully one day this will with hard work happen for both if us, so no it doesn't sound like a silly idea.

I also think you've started to see where you may have gone wrong, and thread now longer about the care of your son, but helping you to heal and move forward, ( hope that makes sense)

Did you have any luck with college or stables?

Original poster
DistressedMumHELP · 11/09/2012 20:21

Someone has put me in touch with a service that does counselling and alternative therapies which includes horses, which i am going to the drop in on thursday. College isnt feasible around contact and other appointments for my health. Also looking like i might actually need my stomach sorted which is about time. But its getting sorted.

OP posts:
griphook · 11/09/2012 21:06

You don't have to say but what's wrong with your stomach?

College could maybe be a long term goal?

butterfingerz · 11/09/2012 21:47

Hi OP, does your local college not have evening courses? Even if it's enrolling on something daft like flower arranging, it will have a positive effect on you.

I'm studying for a Psychology degree with the Open University, have you considered the OU? I do it part time at home, fitting around looking after 2 kids. They do a really wide range of subjects, one of my friends is studying law with them. And you don't have to worry about how it will fit in with your DS, as you choose when to study. They have weekend tutorials + study days which are optional, so you can still meet people. If you're on benefits, you won't have to pay.