Broken hearted over my DS

[DistressedMumHELP]

Okay, i want help and reassurance really. I have name changed for this in case anyone recognises me. I was stopped and asked for an account of events yesterday after witnessing an altercation and the police officer noticed the bruise on my little boys cheek. Which i explained was where he had fallen in between the step and bench in my garden, they then noticed he has bruises on his legs around his knees, so eventually they arrested me on suspicion of ABH. I was of course a mess, but i was told at the time that it was procedure etc, so i was compliant with them, Last night i got released on police bail and was of course expecting my little boy back, but today after seeing social services they have said i cant have him returned to me. I am heart broken, i have never hurt my child on purpose, and i look after him as best as possible. Originally they were saying he didnt talk, but today in front of the social worker he was talking, and i am trying to explain that he gets shy about talking, when they say he is friendly etc. They went through all my history and i have been as open as possible with them, and i dont know what to do. They want to keep him in care and are applying for a court order on friday to do so. I plan on seeing a solicitor tomorrow, the only reason i didnt today was because i didnt leave the social services until half 5 so no where was open.

I NEED A HUG. I PROMISE I WOULD NEVER HURT HIM AND FEEL THAT JUST A FEW BRUISES HAVE TAKEN MY SON FROM ME.

I want him home. Does anyone have any experiences? How long will it take? They said they couldnt say,

mn cannot be the mum you should have had who protects you. i would suggest you dont come here fo a bit. its a diversion from rl. get a good nights sleep. see your gp. and dont come back for a while. i just dont think being here is good for you atm.

right, so if you are identifying some things that cause you anxiety, or problems in RL, perhaps you could jot those things down as you think of them.

If you are gong to the gp, you need to make yourself a double appointment, and see a sympathetic gp.

i think that you do need referral to specialist services, but gps are often pushed for time and refer to the wrong ones.....

i think you need to see a psychologist, thats not a slur on you - i just think you need testing to make sure that epilipsy is the only additional need you have., and then you need to start to address your issues, from the beginning, honestly, openly, without being defensive or making excuses, which i think you tend to find difficult. Counselling could be the way to go, but first you need to check if there are any other reasons that could contribute to your behaviour and thought processes.

do you think that would be a good idea OP?

I agree with madam. We cant be your mothet. You need rl help.

Go see your doctor or social worker. They can help with a mental health assessment. I wouid.suggest this is more than depression.

They can help and this is alll positive steps in creating a safe. Happy life for your son.

OP:

Stop dating every man you see. Stop bragging about how hot you are and how many men checked you out. Stop going on 'dates' with not one, but two strange men. Stop dating altogether.

What matters more, your pathetic desperation for a man - any man by the looks of it (from 18 year olds to older men who have been in prison.)

Stop lying on this thread if you actually want constructive help. Painting yourself to look better to a bunch of internet strangers won't bring your son home or whoever did this to justice.

The reason they looked into your past? Well other than the abusive ex which yes, most certainly wasn't your fault, you've been out almost every night with a different man or a male friend. Who the fuck is watching your kid? The son you claim to love so much?

Stop drinking. Stop lying about not drinking. You've repeatedly bragged about how severe your hangovers are, how many drinks you're having before dates (I assume you're the one supposed to be watching your son before the babysitter or God knows who arrives at this point?)

Stop lying about your family. You said your sister physically abused you when you were younger, yet in another thread you're talking about how you left your son in the car with the sister who physically abused you and her partner, yet here you say you have nothing to do with her? WHY would you leave your son with someone who abused you?! How often does she see him/baby sit him? You realise she could have done this, right?

Address these points. Instead of saying "I KNOW I made a mistake!!!' recognise you've made multiple ones. Change your attitude. Forget about men. Enough about how you need 'to be treated like a princess/taken care of.' That attitude has led to your son being horrifically abused and now he's been taken away. You have so many criminals in your life (which you have bragged out) as well as total strangers you know nothing about that you don't even have any clue who bit your son and God knows what else.

If you genuinely care about your son, you need to realise if this same 'poor innocent me' bullshit act is the same one you're giving to SS, there is a very real possibility you won't get him back. Do you not understand that?

You talk about second chances all the time in regards to dangerous men. Here is your chance to redeem yourself. This is your second chance. If you don't take it, you will pay the ultimate price.

I think that's a good plan. If it helps, write that down, take it with you and read it out.

Social services will also know of the mental health services in your.area. but as a start you need a full assessment.

Well said lurking.....

can i just say that i dont think discouraging this poster from posting, or insinuating she needs a mother figure is helping particularly.

The OP does clearly have issues,

but i think OP, you need to find out exactly what those issues are. i strongly suspect that epilepsy is not the only condition you have OP. If you were to find out then you know what it is your are dealing with, perhaps then you can work out why you desperately seek approval so badly to the detriment of all else.

you have alot of work to do.
seeing the gp would be a start though and a really really good idea.

Yes, well said lurking!!

you still there OP?

Putting this in perspective - My sister and I are 'chalk and cheese'. She tends to know every drug dealer in town, everyone who's been in trouble with the law, etc. It's just always been her 'friendship circle'. I joined the church at 16, so my friends are at the other end of the scale.

I may not like the people my sister views as 'friends', but I do know this:

As a single parent, she always asked for a babysitter if she wanted to stay out late or go for a drink that would involve a hangover.

As a single parent looking for love, she never introduced her dates to her children.

As a single parent looking for love, she only ever went out with one man at a time.

She also left an abusive relationship, and bears scars. She also used to be attracted to 'the bad boys'.

BUT THEN SHE HAD HER CHILDREN AND SHE GREW UP

Very sad picture.

Well early on in this thread, I was critisised for having too much faith in the system.
That apparently, the OP's case, like many more, was part of a conspiracy on behalf of social services to forcibly adopt DC who were being well loved and cared for by their Mothers.

"find the person and tell them what they did to me"

He did not do it to you. YOU did. Through your choices and the company you keep.

You still dont understand your part in this? YOU are the reason for all this.

Not him. He would not have been around if you did not keep him around.

this is so sad op, there's obviously a lot of history that i definitely don't know. but saying if i don't get him back i know exactly what i'll do what's that? kill yourself? ffs grow up if you do everything in your power and keep doing it you will get him back. tbh i'm astounded you didn't notice these bite marks, even if they looked like bruises, in such an unusual place i'd be like wtf??!! think you know you have fallen well short in protecting your little boy, but you can change, if you really are prepared to put him first from now til he leaves home.

No, the op Doesnt have the capacity to understand that.

She cant seem to understand anything, even in a situation so horrific as This she displays unusual and disturbing behavior.

From pm's from her in the Last few days ( sorry op) the activities she is engaging in and being excited about should not even be a far off consideration at the momment.

Her parenting skills She has told me show no understanding of her child.
The fact I have several messages telling me how she disiplins him, at this point, makes no sense
We cant help her. I feel for her child.

That said,from this And previous threads of hers, I think the op is mentally unwell.
She needs help. I don't think any of us on here can help with that. I very much doubt the op will seek the help She needs.

We have all got cross with her, mostly due to frustration. I feel awful for getting cross with someone when they are going through this and seem to have no mental capacity for anything. My dd is 6. She has more understanding of life/ risks/ emotions than the op does.

It is probably best if people think about leaving the thread. We cant help her in the capacity she needs. We aren't being nice getting cross at someone who has huge mh issues. We cant make her understand.

Op. Please get help. Section your self if you have to.

:( OP, please get help.

"find the person and tell them what they did to me"

People keep saying you primarily see yourself as the victim. I see what they mean now. Whoever did this did it to your SON. Your son was bitten and taken away from his home and mummy. He is the primary victim. You rarely seem to mention him. It's about how this effects you instead.

You have recently mentioned some useful, self-aware actions. I do hope you understand their worth and begin to carry them out with integrity. As others who have knowledge, experience and understanding have said, it is the only way to fix this situation.

Raging, I think your post at 00.59 was very sensitively and expertly written. You are a credit to your profession.

Op please listen to ragingdull.

I'm afraid the OP has history of appearing self aware after things have been pointed out to her and advice given, she agrees with posters, repeats the advice in her own words in an effort to convince people she has taken it on board, but then goes ahead and does it anyway. I think the OP does need help, a great deal of help, and I am pleased that social services are involved, I think both social services and the police have been brilliant in acting so quickly and ensuring the safety of that little boy. Thank god that the OP became involved in an altercation that night, or it might have been a different story now.

Good luck today with seeking help OP, i just hope you will do it.

You also need to get some heathy sleep, stop responding and posting on here in to the night. It is helpfull for you to post here, you are getting good advice and believe it or not lots of support. To make good use of it. come on this thread once, read what quaestions and points posters are making, consider them and respond to the questions in one post and visit the thread a gain the next day.

I feel you will gain more from this thread that way, rather than responding quickly to each poster as you go along. The thread can help you but you need to make it work for you the bestv way you can.

Having feelings of love for your child does not make a person into an adequate parent.

Essential parenting skills include keeping your child safe, warm, fed, being able to discipline them adequately and to provide them with appropriate education.

It is hard to provide all this without support, and almost impossible in the context of poverty, violence or the parent's own inadequate upbringing.

However, there is some very good help available to parents willing to commit to change, to learn, and to provide for their child. The challenge is to accept the advice and help, and to stick with it.

OP I really hope you find and accept good support to maintain contact with your little boy and to give him the upbringing you want to provide. All the best.

This thread is a salutary reminder that the child should always be at the heart of the child protection process.

Not the Mother. Her feelings are low on the list of things to be considered!

I'd be interested to know where the posters who were raging against the system are now?

I have already spoken to my social worker. Doctors after contact. I have found out where the local mental health is.

If anyone read I plan on getting justice for my son. I won't be killing myself. I have asked to be sectioned before, when I was diagnosed with post natal depression, no one listened. They clearly thought some tablets would sort all my problems, obviously they haven't. There is a lot in my past very very few know about. Things until recently I hadn't even acknowledged had happened let alone dealt with.

I did fall asleep last night hence someone asking if I was still there. I am trying to sleep, still eating, still washing and cleaning.

DistressedMum, looking back at your threads over the last few months, knowing the best and worst of your times with your DS, the company you keep, the people you have trusted (whether in knowledge of their past or not) and the risks you have taken (whether you appreciated them at the time, or not), do you think that you are able to provide your DS with the home he needs right now?

I'm not talking about the future. I'm not saying nothing can change. I'm asking you if you think that returning him to your care is the right thing for Social Services to do right now?

I'm convinced that it isn't Perhaps, in time, if you are able to show that you have worked on the areas which are unsafe for him, consistent in your contact with him, learning to put him first. But right now, this thread has been a sad confirmation that you are lacking in insight about how your behaviour and choices have affected your DS.

He is so very little. He has the chance to grow up in a stable environment. Perhaps the best way of showing everyone how much you love him is to accept that right now, you can't provide for him in every way, and to let someone else provide that stability, while you work on developing parenting skills.

I said to my social worker this morning that I needed help, that I need help parenting. I didn't oppose the care order, I accepted it was right. I accepted I needed help. I haven't objected to it. I am seeking it. I ask about services I could be referred to, she said we can talk more about them at our meeting which is in the next couple of days. I am going to find and access all the help I can get. I am going to ask for referrals if I cant access directly. I am going to open up and talk about everything. I am going to work on everything that I am doing wrong.