Broken hearted over my DS

[DistressedMumHELP]

Okay, i want help and reassurance really. I have name changed for this in case anyone recognises me. I was stopped and asked for an account of events yesterday after witnessing an altercation and the police officer noticed the bruise on my little boys cheek. Which i explained was where he had fallen in between the step and bench in my garden, they then noticed he has bruises on his legs around his knees, so eventually they arrested me on suspicion of ABH. I was of course a mess, but i was told at the time that it was procedure etc, so i was compliant with them, Last night i got released on police bail and was of course expecting my little boy back, but today after seeing social services they have said i cant have him returned to me. I am heart broken, i have never hurt my child on purpose, and i look after him as best as possible. Originally they were saying he didnt talk, but today in front of the social worker he was talking, and i am trying to explain that he gets shy about talking, when they say he is friendly etc. They went through all my history and i have been as open as possible with them, and i dont know what to do. They want to keep him in care and are applying for a court order on friday to do so. I plan on seeing a solicitor tomorrow, the only reason i didnt today was because i didnt leave the social services until half 5 so no where was open.

I NEED A HUG. I PROMISE I WOULD NEVER HURT HIM AND FEEL THAT JUST A FEW BRUISES HAVE TAKEN MY SON FROM ME.

I want him home. Does anyone have any experiences? How long will it take? They said they couldnt say,

I drink occasionally and when my son is being looked after by someone else, who is a qualified in child care. I can drink occasionally but no I hadn't been drinking I know regular drinking will mess with them.

no fred - not at all.

wathoutforthesnail is most definitely not the OP.

Fred..one word. Smartphones..

Or not. Full stop impossibly close to space bar

I was beginning to think it must be that. God I'm hopelessly out of touch.

Sorry. Sorry.

I know what I will do ie work hard to get a good life contact him at 18, put money away, write, send birthday messages, find the person and tell them what they did to me, make sure the police deal with them, hope they get there just deserves, either now or later. Not give up my fight.

i dont think we are helping the little boy in this actually - by telling the OP what to do and what to say what is anyone hoping to achieve?

OP needs to realise these things for herself.

good luck op. get to a gp and get yourself some help - counselling, your self esteem is shite, your boundaries are none existent and you tell some whopping great big fat lies.
not a surprise to me in my job. but you need help, and you need to seek that help, and not from a forum on the internet.

No Fred. Im not..why on earth would you think.I.was?

Op, please get a mental heath assessment. You.can then.get the proper, specalist care And help you need to put this right.

I.don't think you are going to be able to do This on your own.

Everyone on here is posting Because they want to help you..they want you.to understand so you can fix.it.

Stop making light. Stop defending yourself. Take a hard look And make the changes you need.please.

The full stops. It's the full stops.

MN is not the place for you atm. we can tell you until we are blue in the face. this is a journey you need to start in rl with rl support.

I take lamotrigine. My epilepsy nurse has told me an occasional drink should be okay but not on a regular basis. My self esteem is shit, but after an abusive relationship and an abusive sister growing up its hardly surprising. My sister was charge with ABH on my mum 18months ago. So maybe violence is something I grew up accepting. My mum seeked help from SS but they did one visit and that was it.

And Yet.anothet threat to the man.who was with you..

God!!!!!!!

No, we aren't helping. Are we.
Just feeding someone who needs professional help..

Op. Again, And for the last time. Please see a doctor. You need help. I.am very.concerned for.you.

No I am not threatening I am saying I will make sure he gets charged and sees the result. Not in a violent manner but the pain and heartache it hurt. I am going to my gp. That is all I can do tomorrow and start from there. Nothing I can do tonight.

we cant be the mum you never had and deserved. we just cant be.

No. I had an abusive marriage.
I witnessed the break down of my parents marriage when I was a teenager, it was violent. Police were involved.
We were smacked ( hit) as children.

I.do not abuse my child. None of this is an excuse for poor behavior.

Stop blaming other people for your own failings.

I am not someone asked if there was more in my past so I answered. I grew up without a dad and my mum let my sister do what she did because she lived in fear of her. It's like living in fear was "normal"

I know its not an excuse I am just answering people about self esteem being shit.

With the drinking, first it was you don't drink bevagse of your.meds, now you drink s bit. Which is it? Why did you lie in the first place?

If you have a childminder, do they know anything about the brises, have they.spoken to the police/ ss. Did they recently see your son.

Just get help and sort your self out..please

They haven't recently seen him. It's natural to say that cos I went 5 years without touching it, so when asked by police have you been drinking or do you often drink no I don't. I cant cos of my meds and even before I never really had more than 2 Smirnoff ices, so hardly major. Enough people will vouch for me. He normally has bruises on his knees sometimes his elbows, rarely his forehead and the pink mark at the back of his neck is in fact a birth mark.

so, if you recognise that there are some issues around your upbringing that have shaped you now, that cause you to make some bad choices, what do you think you could do about that?

Go to counselling, get mental health support. Change my thought process, learn about "normal" relationships. I can't change my past but I can get help for it.

Yes
Now.do it.

Doctors appts first. You want a full mental health assessment.

thats good actually - do you think you could actually go in RL and do that? or are you just reciting what people on here have said?

would it help if you wrote them down?
do you know how to access these services?

Maybe also learn not to cling to those around me out of fear they could pass away. My friend did (like a brother) at just 13, my dad, my father in law (we were very close) my aunt my grandad. All gone.

That's exactly why I am going tomorrow. To get help.

I don't know how to access these but my doctor, my health visitor and social services should know?