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Original poster

Broken hearted over my DS

939 replies

DistressedMumHELP · 29/08/2012 22:09

Okay, i want help and reassurance really. I have name changed for this in case anyone recognises me. I was stopped and asked for an account of events yesterday after witnessing an altercation and the police officer noticed the bruise on my little boys cheek. Which i explained was where he had fallen in between the step and bench in my garden, they then noticed he has bruises on his legs around his knees, so eventually they arrested me on suspicion of ABH. I was of course a mess, but i was told at the time that it was procedure etc, so i was compliant with them, Last night i got released on police bail and was of course expecting my little boy back, but today after seeing social services they have said i cant have him returned to me. I am heart broken, i have never hurt my child on purpose, and i look after him as best as possible. Originally they were saying he didnt talk, but today in front of the social worker he was talking, and i am trying to explain that he gets shy about talking, when they say he is friendly etc. They went through all my history and i have been as open as possible with them, and i dont know what to do. They want to keep him in care and are applying for a court order on friday to do so. I plan on seeing a solicitor tomorrow, the only reason i didnt today was because i didnt leave the social services until half 5 so no where was open.

I NEED A HUG. I PROMISE I WOULD NEVER HURT HIM AND FEEL THAT JUST A FEW BRUISES HAVE TAKEN MY SON FROM ME. Sad Sad Sad

I want him home. Does anyone have any experiences? How long will it take? They said they couldnt say,

OP posts:
TheEnthusiasticTroll · 02/09/2012 23:19

In fairness to you couthy I think you are attenpting to enter into debate that does have its own merit when considering safegurding as a whole and it does have relevence in considering the profile of abusers, but it does not fit all cases. All cases of child abuse and neglect has its own unique circumstances that should be investigated as so.

MadameDefarge · 02/09/2012 23:20

glad to hear there is no drug culture outside of london.

Original poster
DistressedMumHELP · 02/09/2012 23:21

I chose to live their because the council wouldn't help so I had to find a landlord to take housing benefit and didn't want s deposit, this I think you will find is bloody difficult.

Like I said I thought being livid and feeling like that wasn't suitable to post here. Anyone who knows me knows how hurt and angry I have been.

OP posts:
RagingDull · 02/09/2012 23:22

you can learn to parent even if you have had shite role models.

i did.
not wishing to go into huge detail i have no contact with parents or family - i had a child at 19. He was my life, and still is even though he is now 20.

i came from an appalling background, and cycles of abuse. breaking that can be a choice.
i chose to break it.
i left home at 15. i had a fairly ingrained sense of right and wrong, mostly because i knew i had been wronged.
my brother is a heroin addict who married a herion addict.
i ran from that life as fast as my little legs would carry me..... i have a normal life, normal dh, normal job, normal friends, dog, mortgage, yadda yadda yadda......

and absolutely no contact at all with my dysfunctional family. no way am i ever going back there.

you can sit and blame everyone else, or you can chose something else. it is a choice.

MadameDefarge · 02/09/2012 23:22

and obviously not all council houses are populated by drug barons. i am clearly a rubbish drug baron....

watchoutforthatsnail · 02/09/2012 23:22

Distressed, so were the police.not suspecting of This man abusing your child? Is he not in the frame.too?.why isn't he?
Why did you Hsve to ask them to remove.him... Seeing he was at the original attack in.town. why wasn't he arrested with you?

MadameDefarge · 02/09/2012 23:25

excellent point watch. was he the same man involved in the orriginal altercation?

RagingDull · 02/09/2012 23:26

OP, you are making some fairly crap excuses. it seems you dont quite grasp the gravity of the situation your son was placed in.

Original poster
DistressedMumHELP · 02/09/2012 23:26

That is a good question. He has since been arrested, but it was like I was automatically to blame. I got them to remove him as soon as I was aware of his past, I was scared reading it, it frightened the life out of me. So I asked for help, they told me I had done the right thing. As to giving impressions he doesn't have to but since my solicitor has said that it doesn't seem to be Thats mainly in the frame for it.

OP posts:
watchoutforthatsnail · 02/09/2012 23:27

Raging. I agree.
It's a choice. The op till now has mafe choices resulting.in this..its now.her.choice whst.to do.

watchoutforthatsnail · 02/09/2012 23:28

And kudos to you too..its a really hard.thing to do

TimeForMeAndDD · 02/09/2012 23:29

Same here RagingDull

Op, did you not move nearer to your mother? Does she help and support you?

watchoutforthatsnail · 02/09/2012 23:30

So what have they arrested him on?

Original poster
DistressedMumHELP · 02/09/2012 23:31

That is a good question. He has since been arrested, but it was like I was automatically to blame. I got them to remove him as soon as I was aware of his past, I was scared reading it, it frightened the life out of me. So I asked for help, they told me I had done the right thing. As to giving impressions he doesn't have to but since my solicitor has said that it doesn't seem to be Thats mainly in the frame for it.

OP posts:
TheEnthusiasticTroll · 02/09/2012 23:33

So what changes now OP, what will be different for your ds if he is placed back in your care?

you have had some great advice and tips to keep you both safe through out this thread. As someone offering up some of this advice It would be reassuring to know you understand fully what you need to do to change. forget the person who bit your dd for a moment he has gone now as you say so what difference will this experince make to you and your ds life together?

watchoutforthatsnail · 02/09/2012 23:34

And why did they mention his past if you were in.the frame?

MadameDefarge · 02/09/2012 23:34

sorry op, who does not seem to be and who is in the frame for it?

Original poster
DistressedMumHELP · 02/09/2012 23:34

What he has been arrested on is confidential apparently. This sucks but there is nothing I can do to change that. I can but guess. I see mum once a week, sometimes only.once a fortnight, I moved cos I had no option but I wanted to stay closer to mum cos of the emotional support and knowing she isn't young any more (65) so could get ill.

OP posts:
LadySybildeChocolate · 02/09/2012 23:35

Sorry OP, I've been following this thread for a while and it does seem to be all about you. I've yet to read you mention your son and how this has/will affect him. He's been harmed, you don't seem able to understand how this has affected him in any way. You need to put his needs and his feelings before your own, as this is what we do as parents.

Original poster
DistressedMumHELP · 02/09/2012 23:36

Well obviously I was arrested so o would assume I am in the frame and by what my solicitor has said it seems the police are more suspicious of him than me.

OP posts:
TheEnthusiasticTroll · 02/09/2012 23:36

watchout I can guarentee they mentioned his past because they would have been obliged to tell OP that this man is a risk, this is his history, if you want any chance of having your ds home this man must leave now.

MadameDefarge · 02/09/2012 23:36

and for what its worth, i would ay that 95 per cent of social housing tenants are decent folk, its the five per cent who can create a culture of fear..

Original poster
DistressedMumHELP · 02/09/2012 23:38

I know his needs come before mine and his feelings. I am trying to get help. I do talk about my boy, a lot. I just do it to those close (the nice people but maybe I should get a crb check on those even though one works in a nursery)

OP posts:
TimeForMeAndDD · 02/09/2012 23:40

Did you leave your abusive exH of your own volition OP or was that a recommendation by social services?

RagingDull · 02/09/2012 23:41

OP, you need to examine your own behavour.
why do you like men who are damaging?
why do you like a "bad boy" even if that puts you and your baby son at risk?
why does this trump your sons safety?
why do you let these people into your life when so much is at stake?
and why do you make such rubbish excuses for it?

taking some responsibility and showing that you understand the gravity of your situation is something you appear to not get?? you just blame alot of other people when ulitimately, the choices are ones you and you alone made.

do you ever think you might need to take a long hard look at yourself?
or are you just going to carry on blaming everyone else instead?

i feel i should leave this thread for fear i am really going to say something that would be unhelpful.