Broken hearted over my DS

[DistressedMumHELP]

Okay, i want help and reassurance really. I have name changed for this in case anyone recognises me. I was stopped and asked for an account of events yesterday after witnessing an altercation and the police officer noticed the bruise on my little boys cheek. Which i explained was where he had fallen in between the step and bench in my garden, they then noticed he has bruises on his legs around his knees, so eventually they arrested me on suspicion of ABH. I was of course a mess, but i was told at the time that it was procedure etc, so i was compliant with them, Last night i got released on police bail and was of course expecting my little boy back, but today after seeing social services they have said i cant have him returned to me. I am heart broken, i have never hurt my child on purpose, and i look after him as best as possible. Originally they were saying he didnt talk, but today in front of the social worker he was talking, and i am trying to explain that he gets shy about talking, when they say he is friendly etc. They went through all my history and i have been as open as possible with them, and i dont know what to do. They want to keep him in care and are applying for a court order on friday to do so. I plan on seeing a solicitor tomorrow, the only reason i didnt today was because i didnt leave the social services until half 5 so no where was open.

I NEED A HUG. I PROMISE I WOULD NEVER HURT HIM AND FEEL THAT JUST A FEW BRUISES HAVE TAKEN MY SON FROM ME.

I want him home. Does anyone have any experiences? How long will it take? They said they couldnt say,

I think the saddest thing, it's the statement "I have no idea who has bitten him".

Well you know that the bite marks are adult (you have been told). You know the marks were "fresh". Just how many adults has he been left with for long enough to allow them to bite him?

If it was only that one man, why hasn't he had his teeth impressions taken?

The police have only taken the ops teeth impressions, havent they.. she hasnt mentioned This ' friend that.she trusted' being arrested for abh like she was, nor that his teeth have been impressioned.
Surely if he was a suspect. And the child has been taken, then the police would be investigating this?

The fact is the child has adult bite marks on him..they have to find out who did it.

If the ops teeth impressions clear.her. they aren't going to give the ds Back, he still has adult bite marks on him..that should not happen. The op is supposed to keep him safe.
The op doesn't seem to understand this, or what.this entails........

To not know which adult has been abusing your child, thats horrific.

Watchout - have PM'd you

People really shouldn't be getting all twitchy about social workers trawling mumsnet for juicy information. The chances of the OP's ds's social worker finding this thread and identifying her are almost zero and even if they did, there is nothing here that they don't, or shouldn't, know already.

Having said that, I have just realised who OP is, and I don't have Eleanor's photographic memory for MN posters and stories and it's true, there is a lot of info on this site but likewise any advice to be circumspect will fall on deaf ears.

Erik, exactly, as advise to this op always does.
I know I'm not the only one whos tried to help her, It's been frustrating and painful to sit back, watch this happen and not be able to do anything.

I doubt very much ss have the time nor inclination to trawl the internet for info, to chase name changes, read 1000' s of posts. But, knowing what Lots of those posts contain, perhaps It's best they are visible, they give an.even bigger picture, one which no doubt, would help them make the right choice for This poor little boy and for a very vunerable girl.

trust me - no one will care what is posted on here. I have just completed the most soul destroying 10 hour night shift and this poster could literally be one of thousands and thousands out there all over the country. ( i have met 2 new ones in the space of 10 hours.....)

professionals are not going to give a monkeys chuff what she is saying on here. It will matter not one jot.

surely we can see that it is quite possible that there is a bruise of sorts on the shoulder but that it is NOT a bite mark. Social services look at cases like this through a particular lens (that is their job), so if it COULD be a bite mark or is SIMILAR to one they will treat it as though it definitely is one for the time being.

OP - you need proper legal advice from a specialist - do not disregard this advice or you may lode your child.

Without appearing to be antagonistic you MUST have someone present with you at all meetings with professional from now on

You must conduct yourself very very carefully when you visit your son as you are being very closely monitored and they are using your visits to decide what your relationship is like and how well you care or and interact with your son - they do not care one jot that it is a very stressful and unnatural situation for both of you

of course they care zebrazoo but the relationship does need to be monitored. Look i have seen some very convincing interviews and in retrospect the parent was very very manipulative and knew exactly what to do and say and sadly that can result in tragedy. thankfull social workersn are increasingly better trained at knowing when the wool is being pulled over thier eyes.

If people where not negelecting thier children then there would be no need for advice such as you'rs, surley the best advice is be your self and attempt to maintain a natural as possible relationship and comunication beteween op and her ds.

i would challenge anyone, including yourself, to behave naturally in such a situation

you did not read my post zebra

It's so interesting to see that when a case hits the News, there is hand-wringing and posturing about feckless social services who didn't notice a problem. Yet, when a poster who clearly loves her child, yet is incredibly vulnerable and, from many posts on here, hasn't been safeguarding her child adequately, posts to say SS have stepped in, there is hand-wringing and posturing about feckless social services who are just out to snatch your child.

Which is it? The OP needs to understand that there are significant and serious concerns. Anyone suggesting to her that SS are being malicious us preventing her to come to a place of understanding her lifestyle and the consequences of it for her son, who cannot protect himself or choose his own company.

absolutely lougle - i am in a similar position in my job which is one in which i find i cannot win in the public eye. Which do people want?
public services which step in prior to serious harm being caused to a child?
or after?
when exactly would people like services to step in?
if bite marks have been found on the OPs child then that would be enough for me in my role to remove the child pending further investigation.

bite marks ffs. This child is 2 years old with a mother who is clearly failing to protect and look after her child. I would bet my next wage packet there is way, way more to this than has ever been posted on here, in any guise.

i also now know who this poster is. Why do people never ever take responsibility for their own poor lifestyle choices but blame protection services when they have to step in to protect and safeguard a child?

what exactly do people want? If you think social service and police have an agenda then just go back and re read the OPs posts.

I think sometimes people are upset by someone who loves their kid going through this, but i hope that i can learn from this experience and eventually get my DS home with me, i know this will be along road, but i plan on doing everything possible and more besides. I do love my little boy and i am glad that people reading this can see that.

I think, like the police social workers cant win, they will always be disliked. Sorry, but police and social workers probably have the most hated jobs, unfortunately, i am not saying they are bad people or nasty just that the nature of their job means they are disliked.

I hope you can, DMH. Do you see, yet, that your DS has been through far more than you have?

Perhaps, if you read through your past posts over the months, you will see the situation as outsiders do. I don't mean to upset you, but you still don't sound like you've understood that if you want your Son back, you won't have to just 'do everything possible' but you'll actually have to change - how you behave, who you spend time with, who you value, who you trust.

Police and social workers may be disliked by a section of the community.
Those who neglect, abuse and do not care for their children are universally despised by a lot more people, and I still think that when a child is possibly at risk, it is better to have people who are prepared to be disliked, sworn at, attacked and vilified rather than battered, burned, bitten and dead children who are too young to be able to protect themselves.
Do you think that those professionals get a thrill out of seeing humans at their worst, and what they are capable of? The vulnerable need protecting.

yes, thats true OP, they are disliked most by people who are going to come to their attention, for obvious reasons.

You seem to have selective hearing. I note on most past threads you conveniently ignore good advice in favour of getting giddy about "bad boys", criminals, and dating.

your priorities have been all about tit, and yet you seem unable to grasp that your behaviour is risky and dangerous, and the company you keep unhealthy.

How do you actually feel knowing someone has bitten your baby? You are as culpable in this as they are. You are responsible. Do you understand that? Instead of saying its not you, why are you not livid and gunning to find out who has committed this most hideous of assaults against your little boy? Do you even comprehend what has happened to him?

Your response to this has not been normal. I am sure you do love your son, but you seem to be unable to protect him, keep him safe from harm or chose him over your potential relationships and friends. It sounds like it was about time someone stepped in.

Raging has just said what I've been thinking all along.

Can I ask, If the op has name changed, how do so many of you know who she is?

Lovely. How about just sorting yourself out before detailing that in quite so much depth.

Distressed I understand that you want to try to prove that you're angry about this and that you love your son, but I really don't think that last post was the way to do it. You might want to think about having that removed.

Distressed even after all the advice you have been given, both on the long running thread and on this one, I don't see you taking responsibility for your part in your sons suffering. Right now you should be taking a long hard look at your own behaviour and asking yourself how and why you let this man into your life, putting your son in such a vulnerable position. I really don't know what anyone can say to you because you don't listen, you say what you think posters want to hear but you don't act on the advice. That is why you are in the situation you are in now. It's terribly sad. The first thing you need to do OP, for the sake of your son, is admit responsibility for your actions and make positive steps to change, really change, not just go through the motions to get your son back and appease social services. You won't get anywhere blaming other people. Your son is the victim here, not you.

Ok, so how would any of you REALLY feel inside (even if not outwardly) if some bastard had bitten your two year old? I'd be feeling pretty much as the OP describes.

But in this case, where her DS is in FC, and she wants him back, acting out those impulses would not be conducive to that.

Most of us WOULD feel like that, but have thankfully not been in the situation where those protective instincts have been brought to the surface.

When a pervert on the bus grabbed my DD when she was only 5yo, and stuck his hand up her dress, I can tell you now that my response was to punch him in the face until he let go of her. Which took 4 hefty swipes.

Unless you have been in the situation where someone has actually done something so horrendous to one of your DC's, you can't POSSIBLY know how you would REALLY react, or feel like reacting.

So while yes, the OP's lifestyle may have brought her DS into contact with someone who hurt her DS, that isn't going to change the protective feelings she has.

Yes, the OP needs to have a good look at her lifestyle, and make every necessary change in order to safeguard her DS, but it won't change the way she feels inside. All she has done in that post is be honest about her feelings, but also shows that she knows that the only way for her to show that she IS putting her DS first is NOT to act on those feelings, and instead let the police do their job.