Broken hearted over my DS

[DistressedMumHELP]

Okay, i want help and reassurance really. I have name changed for this in case anyone recognises me. I was stopped and asked for an account of events yesterday after witnessing an altercation and the police officer noticed the bruise on my little boys cheek. Which i explained was where he had fallen in between the step and bench in my garden, they then noticed he has bruises on his legs around his knees, so eventually they arrested me on suspicion of ABH. I was of course a mess, but i was told at the time that it was procedure etc, so i was compliant with them, Last night i got released on police bail and was of course expecting my little boy back, but today after seeing social services they have said i cant have him returned to me. I am heart broken, i have never hurt my child on purpose, and i look after him as best as possible. Originally they were saying he didnt talk, but today in front of the social worker he was talking, and i am trying to explain that he gets shy about talking, when they say he is friendly etc. They went through all my history and i have been as open as possible with them, and i dont know what to do. They want to keep him in care and are applying for a court order on friday to do so. I plan on seeing a solicitor tomorrow, the only reason i didnt today was because i didnt leave the social services until half 5 so no where was open.

I NEED A HUG. I PROMISE I WOULD NEVER HURT HIM AND FEEL THAT JUST A FEW BRUISES HAVE TAKEN MY SON FROM ME.

I want him home. Does anyone have any experiences? How long will it take? They said they couldnt say,

To be fair I'm not the only one who has given her This advice. Thete have been lots of people doing so, on a long running thread. We have all, almost constantly Been highly.concerned for hers And her childs safety.
Advice And info has Been provided, offers of help have been made. It's been akin to watching a train crash, because if someone.Doesnt want help they won't take it.

I care, which is why I'm.posting. heck, I cared a year.ago ( it's Been longer than 6 months thinking about it)

You have been giving her excellent advice watch and all credit to you for persevering.

Op I think things have really come to a head for you now. You really need to listen to all your rl help and the good comments on here.

After reading the last few posts im sure people are starting to see why ss have taken the action that they have.

And just bashing them isn't going to help you. Ok they make mistakes but I don't think that's what's happened here.

I have said if my DS gets taken off me I have nothing to lose, nothing left. The teeth marks were fresh and on his shoulder. Hence I didn't see them.

I have several character witnesses who have been around pretty much constantly.

Ok read all the thread and still stand by my first opinion about the Social Services...they are useless.

I can see a big picture building up but still believe OP and believe she is being completely honest with us, I dont believe she is at fault here but is a struggling single mum who has been through a hell of a time and is trying to do the right thing by her son.

Good Luck distressed.

Look. You need to stop trying to discredit one thing. You should have noticed the teeth marks, how fresh were they. If you had Been out in town, then with the police, then a while before they found them, they weren't that fresh. If they had happenef thay day did your son not cry? Tell you, point to them? Teeth marks to have lasted a few hours would have really hurt, why Didnt.you notice him crying?

A character witness is neither here nor there, especially if it comes from dubious company.

You need to work with ss, do everythinh they say. Work hard at it. Engage in programmes. Do alll you can.

They will not care that.you love.him, they care.for his safety and wellbeing.
You need to change.your thinking on this

ninja - the thing that always concerns me about threads like these is you are only hearing one side. It is unlikely that the op is going to say everything as they want sympathy and people to feel sorry for them. You will see from this thread that there is a lot of history here and much more to the story than first appeared. There may be more to it still. That doesn't mean the op shouldn't be supported etc but it's naive to say you believe her completely and she is doing a fantastic job. I don't double she loves her son but it seems that the op does need more support in real life and practical guidance.

watch, quite.
This is your real wake up call, OP. Listen to it,and all the very best, I hope you get your DC home soon.
Keep him, and yourself, safe.

I agree with the more help and support completely but I dont trust or believe the social services for one minute, and thats through my own experience and not because of what someone else has said.

I understand there is more, and some on here obviously know who she is (im some what a newbie on here) But I have to stick with my gut instinct and feeling and at this moment in time its that what I stated above.

"I have said that if they take DS off me I have nothing to lose, nothing left."

Sweetheart, I'm sorry, but this shows how much you are misunderstanding the situation. They are not worried about you. They are worried about your DS, which you should be too.

I simply can't imagine how you didn't notice fresh bites on your DS, presumably from an adult as you were first suspected.

Can you see how bad this situation is? Can you see how different the situation is from your OP, where you started that they'd removed him because of a bruise on his cheek?

Thing is little man has always screamed when I shut the stair gate (its across my living room door to stop access to kitchen as well)

They are saying its a bite but there are no actual teeth marks.

Ninja, I would suggest, 'knowing'the op that you offer positive support And advice at this time.
Else she will cling into rubbishing ss, ranting at/ about them. And that is not going to help her.

They don't take children into care unless its a last resort. There is no.money nor the resources.
It is not ss fault the child has been taken.

The child has Been taken due to some real risks.

This is the truth of the situation.
If the op wants a hope in hell of getting him back she needs to engage with ss. Change her lifestyle. Get help.

watch she is doing that, all the posts she has stated she is working with them.

I would like to think I am being supportive in that believing her is supportive. I cannot offer support regarding the social services because as you can see from my previous posts, I do not believe they will be of any support to her.

I have not at any point told her not to work with them!

A scream in pain is different to a scream of temper.
If a child of mine screamed when in the company.of someone, and I was out of the room. I would drop everything And find out what on earth had happened.

It's exactly reasons like this they have taken your son from you.

She is working with.them now, after.her son has been taken.

That is not a good situation.

I would re read her posts. Build up the whole picture. It's not a question of belief.
I understand you Have issues with ss, but I don't think it wise to let.them.cloud This situation.

If there are no visible teeth marks, why did the police take teeth impressions?

We are trying to help you, I promise. But can you see that it comes across as if you still don't understand the risk your DS has been at?

Would you say your home is suitable? Is it generally cleanish, does he have clean clothes which fit, do you both eat reasonably healthily?

I have read all the thread and she has mentioned that they had involvement before, and that she has a social worker. Now if that isnt her working with them and not just because this has occured, then please I stand corrected.

I am not trying to let my opinion of the social services cloud this situation but I will also be honest in what I think and this will be reflected in my posts.

Like all professions i'm sure that there are some crap SW's, maybe the ones that you've encountered ninja but as a society i'd rather we had them than didn't have them because protecting vunreable children is always paramount.

Regardless of what we personally think or believe from the OP there are people in a professional capacity who have genuine concerns about the environment that the OP is bringing her son up in. I'm sure she loves him but her lifestyle choices are placing him in harms way. SS and the police are right to investigate, sometimes love alone does not protect kids from abuse

Are the bite marks in a position that he could reach himself?

Is it self harm, as the new bruise on his forehead has been since he was in care?

The bite mark was stated in earlier posts as being on the shoulder, I think it's pretty impossible for anybody to bite themselves on the shoulder so that it leaves a visible impression

Hes two. The bite marks are on his shoulder, size of adult.ones
Op has had her teeth imprinted to see if it was her.

I think we need to stop looking for reasons it wasnt the.op. and start giving her practical advice.

I respect your opinion baking on the SS but unfortunatly this hobbit has had too much experience to have a different one than the one I have.

I think we should have a child protection service, but one that perferably works more than not.

I agree whole heartedly on your comment about the need for professional people to be involved, I just hope that she gets the right support and help and is able to move forward. One thing that does stand out is just how much OP loves her son and yes although its not enough on its own its a damn sight better than being brought up without love. Lets hope this situation gets a positive outcome for both OP and her son, but all in all lets hope its the right one.

Well said watch....

Whether the OP is directly or indirectly responsible, she is causing this to happen and needs support and guidance to help her through it if she wants her son home again

I do agree with you ninja on the comment about SS needing to work more than not, how this can be acheived i'm afraid I dont have any answers

Again let's hope the right decision for the little boy is made, my heart breaks when I hear and read about children going through shit like this. No 2yr old should be getting bitten by an adult

I have been in the position of supporting a friend who went through something similar - child stayed in her care but I went with her to the appt with the child protection paediatrician. One of the things I learnt was what they are looking for in bruising and without going into too much detail, there aren't many ways even for a child who bruises easily to get a bruise on a shoulder that doesn't involve another person - that will be no doubt one of the things the are concerned about.

My particular experience ended particularly because the CP Paed laughed and said all the bruises were totally explainable and in places that were totally normal for a child of his age - knees, shins, forehead.

The SW in our case was dogmatic and unpleasant and it was horrific for the mother but nothing came of it because they had no proof that would convince a court - I have the say the SW gave up the cause very reluctantly though.

ninjahobbit I dont think iot is a case of believing the OP or not, people are believing her. It is now a case of allowing her to recognise that her life is caotic and she plced her son at risk by putting her own needs above his needs. If you feel her parenting choices have been acceptable then that is up to you but what she has recently exposed her ds to is damaging and social services and the police have very much done the correct thing in the action they have taken.

I am sorry that you have had past negative experiences of the care system and these very poor experiences are something no one should deny, however The system are making damn sure now that these mistakes are being laearned from. The care system has been shamefull even up untill the present day, but social workers individually are not out to wreck lives. Workers are held to account individually, far more now that ever in the history of the care system, but individual workers are bound by the limits of a governmet and system they work for. Things can not change over night but I can assure you they are moving forward all the time.

It is not going to help the OP or her son to just rubbish and discredit the action that has been taken just because someone else has an unrelation negative experince. The OP needs to know and truelly understand why her life style is placing her son at risk.