Broken hearted over my DS

[DistressedMumHELP]

Okay, i want help and reassurance really. I have name changed for this in case anyone recognises me. I was stopped and asked for an account of events yesterday after witnessing an altercation and the police officer noticed the bruise on my little boys cheek. Which i explained was where he had fallen in between the step and bench in my garden, they then noticed he has bruises on his legs around his knees, so eventually they arrested me on suspicion of ABH. I was of course a mess, but i was told at the time that it was procedure etc, so i was compliant with them, Last night i got released on police bail and was of course expecting my little boy back, but today after seeing social services they have said i cant have him returned to me. I am heart broken, i have never hurt my child on purpose, and i look after him as best as possible. Originally they were saying he didnt talk, but today in front of the social worker he was talking, and i am trying to explain that he gets shy about talking, when they say he is friendly etc. They went through all my history and i have been as open as possible with them, and i dont know what to do. They want to keep him in care and are applying for a court order on friday to do so. I plan on seeing a solicitor tomorrow, the only reason i didnt today was because i didnt leave the social services until half 5 so no where was open.

I NEED A HUG. I PROMISE I WOULD NEVER HURT HIM AND FEEL THAT JUST A FEW BRUISES HAVE TAKEN MY SON FROM ME.

I want him home. Does anyone have any experiences? How long will it take? They said they couldnt say,

It will help distressed, and I don't want to make you more distressed. But now you are under the watchful eye of SSD this will matter. Not to the police because they will have nothing to charge you with, but your involvement with SSD will not just end even if the police drop their charges. You need to have an answer to this question that you can talk through with SSD. I'm not asking you to answer it to the mumsnet jury though.

No its unlikely you will be charged for grabbing his arm to stop him running across the road. Sorry I forget to answer that. But that is minor in the whole scheme of things. Have you got an advocate who knows about child protection issues? I think you could benefit from someone in real life to talk these issues through with. It concerns me a little that you might be identified on here as well.

hopefully OP you will not be charged.

What RL support do you have OP? I would also be considering using your sure start centre, parent and toddler groups and maybe asking about homestart if there is on in your area.

You need to be surrounding your self and looking to create supportive networks and contact with people who can provide you and your ds with positive role modeling and positive enviroments and interactions.

It may sound patronsising but it is really important that you attempt to spend your time with people who are going to have positive effects on your Mental well being.

It is very difficult being a single parent sometimes, I know that myself, especially when it comes to being able to socialise and mix with other people and other parents. But You need to put your self out there in the right places to attract the right people who are going to benifit and not drain and prey on you.

i have a few parent friends and joined a new group who meet for the first time at the beginning of september locally. how do i find home start, can i still go to sure start centres with no child?

Link here for home start. Your social worker may be willing to make referal or you can make self referal.

My advice is of course based on any outcomes being in your and your dcs favour OP.

you need be communicating the things you have been saying in your last few posts to your social worker and solicitor.

Oh i have been communicating with them, social workers are aware that i did speak to my GP about my little boy bruising so easily before and his picky eating

I dont see how taking him off me on a permanent basis would be of benefit to him? The only other real route is adoption, and will they realistically do that?

And thank you for the link. x

Ive been telling you about homestart and begging you to go for about 6 months. Same as your childrens centre........

I would like to think OP that would not be the end result. I think it is obviouse from your recent posts that you are willing to put do all in your power to prevent that and recognise what you need to now put right. Ask for and make use of all the help and support that they can throw at you.

I think it is also important to get through each day at a time emotionaly and practicaly and make sure you understand everything that is happening and ask about anything you are unsure of. They are representing your dcs best interest, but that must be done in partnership with you.

Distressed, I don't know what to say to you for the best. I think in all honesty you have a tough time ahead of you, and you need to think about how you can care best for your son, and how you can show SSD that you can keep him safe from harm. You need to surround yourself with a good support network, how supportive are your friends and family? I want to cry for you, but yes adoption is a possibility. You need to have a very clear action plan of what you are going to do to keep your son safe. I'm sorry but you do. If you pm me with the area you live in I will try and find some resources to help you. Sorry, I might sound harsh, but its better to know this now and give yourself a chance to try and change things, rather than find out too late. Sorry.

Some of my friends have been amazing. I mean that from the bottom of my heart, my mum is great, my sister well we hate each other, and Thats all the family I have.

what lengths are you willing to go to in order to show SS that you are trying to work with agencies that can offer support and help you be a better parent?

homestart is good advice
childrens centres - also good advice

seems someone on this thread recognises you and has been suggesting these things for some time - if it wasnt important then, can you see how important it is now to accept help and acknowledge your failings in keeping your child safe?

something has gone badly wrong. your child has bite marks and bruises, and you say that while you have not caused them you have been housing a person who has a string of offences including assaults and firearms offences....and you have left your child in their presence.....

i can fully understand why police and SS have cause for concern - can you not?

the support you are getting here is lovely, but my concerns are for your child. How are you going to show that you are taking this seriously and how are you going to prevent any harm coming to your child in future?

What ever it takes. I had signed up to a group that starts on 3rd September (term time) to obviously start going and meeting other mums, which is obviously a step in the right direction. Or so I thought. No one will be alone with my little boy. I was worried last time I saw him that he had a bruise on his forehead which was fresh, and SS confirmed it hasn't been there previously.

A mums group isn't enough.
It's your judgement And parenting.skills that you.need to address.

As I have said many times before; homestart, you local childrens centre, engage with these people who want to And can help you.

Your childrens centre should have parenting classes, get on them. Think about womens aid and programmes They run.

Stop Hanging Around with people who use and abuse you..if They are criminals They are not good people, end of.

If someone was good at school 10 years ago it.does not mean you trust them now
This has been said to you many, Many.times

This is a sorry situation, for.both you and.your son. But someone has to stand.up for his rights as he isnt able to at his age.

DistressedMum, I feel for you. You clearly love your DS. Unfortunately, that is not the evidence SS will be looking for when deciding your boy's future. Love is not enough.

Looking back, you said that the bruise on his cheek was caused by a fall. Now there is a bruise that shows teeth marks -is that the same bruise, or a different one? Did it surprise you to know there are teeth marks on your DS? I'm trying to understand how you could not have noticed them?

We all get conditioned to our own lifestyles. It seems normal to us. But from an outside observer, your account of your lifestyle is really quite chaotic. From SS point of view, I would think it is almost more concerning that you didn't know your friend's history. What if he'd been someone who had an even worse past?

I'm not trying to make you feel bad, but I don't know anyone with that sort of history, let alone have them staying in my house. I can't imagine getting in an altercation severe enough that police would be called and my child's life would be threatened.

I'm not suggesting that this is you, by the way. But, you do need to think about the company you keep. You're child comes first, and if you are keeping bad company, that's enough to cause you a problem.

I remember watching a documentary about children in care. A social worker read a child's story to them. It said 'Mum and Dad really loved me, but they spent time with risky people, and didn't know how to keep me safe. The risky people weren't good for me...'

At the end of the day, it won't matter if the risky people are the parent, or the people the parent spends time with. As a parent your job is to protect your child.

I hope you can turn this around, but reading between the lines, if you want your child back, you need to be prepared to cut your ties with anyone 'risky' and change your lifestyle radically.

One of the heart-breaking things about dealing with children who have been neglected or abused is how much they love those that are making their lives hard. They will protect, defend and lie for them, and they will constantly reach out both emotionally and physically for them.
So the fact that your little boy loves you and wants to be with you will not necessarily count in the minds of those looking out for his welfare. You need to demonstrate that you are prepared to put his needs first over a period of time, to stick with it.
Watchout said :

'Ive been telling you about homestart and begging you to go for about 6 months. Same as your childrens centre'

If you had 6 months of showing that you were involved in creating a better environment for your son than he'd had up to that point, you would be in a stronger position now. If you do start going, keeping it up will also be strong evidence that you mean what you say about your DS and his welfare being important to you.

something you said about mum dsilocating her knee .I have a chid who bruise very easy and have been questioned a coupe of times pre dx by school etc but he has Eds which now luckily is on all notes

You only need to hold his arm or just ift him up normal and he marks as seen and caused by physio she left 10 perfect fingerprins on hom but never been questioned by police and some days he look awful enough that people stare

But tbh if teeth marks then yes I would question it

I hope you get sorted out Distressed Mum,

I despise, hate, loath, wouldnt be in the same room as the social services do not like the Social Services, they couldnt find their arse from their elbowThey have a system that does not work and always more often than not have dealth with cases incorrectly horrendously crap I speak from experience of being a child in care and they fucked up my life didnt do may any favours or make the right decisions regarding me.

It maybe that the police had to report it {same as schools} because of the bruise on his face and legs and had to follow a proceedure. Unfortunatly this proceedure involves the arsewipes Social Services. Get a solicitor, get hold of any paperwork the Social Services has and ask them on what grounds they are applying for a court order to remove your son. Get some character witness statements and any back up you can have to prove your not harming your son.

I really hope you get this sorted out and big hugs to you.

oops got a bit carried away with putting lines through...should have read

they couldnt find their arse from their elbow they have a system that does not work and always more often than not have dealt.........

She has a solicitor, Ninjahobbit. Did you read the thread?

You have gotten excellent advice here distressedmum, now is the time to start putting it into action. Put your little boy's welfare and happiness first.
If someone staying in my house caused teethmarks on my child, he wouldn't be able to do it twice.
Watchoutforthtsnail seems to have given advice previously to you - now it has come to this, (child removed, criminal charges) you need to start listening to those that are genuinely interested in the welfare of your child.

But it's not just bruises ninjahobbit, there's a whole big picture building up.

sorry waffling, only ready first page, keep forgetting there are more

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