At what age to do 'the talk'

[Imlostwithoutahope]

Can anyone just give me some advice on the birds and bees chat.

Dd is 8 and in sept will be in year four. I know some of her friends have started getting pubic hair and dd has started sweating and smelling a bit of Bo so it's probably time I spoke with her about periods. However I don't know how much detail to go into. Can anyone suggest any good age appropriate books or advice please?

Also at what age do I tell her about sex? She knows a baby comes from a vagina but when she asked how it gets there I kind of skirted round the topic and just said it grows there, therefore she has no idea about the fathers part. She watches a lot of discovery so has seen animals etc mating or giving birth but I don't think she's linked it together. I don't want to tell her if she's too young.

Thanks

You can just answer her questions as they arise. If it doesn't come up naturally then raise it yourself. You may find she knows some of it already - ask her how she thinks babies are made and go from there.

Tell her the basic facts, answer any questions that come up honestly and simply.

Eight certainly isn't too young. I wouldn't do it as one big 'talk', trying to get everything across at once. Just any time it seems relevant, drop a few facts into the conversation - watching stuff on tv, seeing tampons etc in the supermarket etc. If she is starting to sweat more, maybe buy some deodorant for her and use that as a lead in to talking about the other changes that will be happening over the next few years.

A book is also a good idea - we have What's Happening To Me? from Usbourne. There are girls' and boys' versions, and they explain puberty clearly, as well as the basics about sex.

Thanks all, I'll wait for her to ask me about it again and then tell her.
I'll also get the book. I don't want to give too much info and end up frightening her.

how open are you about these things yourself e.g. does she know you use sanitary towels etc? When you next buy some, you could chuck them on the bed when you get in, rather than put them away straight away, and give her a chance to ask about them if she's not sure what they're for. Likewise deoderant.

The main thing I remember from being that sort of age was thinking that everything I normally do would be difficult because of periods etc - it would be worth you stressing how you can carry on as normal "you didn't realise that I had a period while we were on holiday" etc so she's aware that it's not a huge deal once you get used to it.

I've never had a big talk with my dcs just answered questions honestly when they've come up. About your dds age I bought the Usborn book mentioned and gave it to them to read. Dd1 would often say she'd looked something up in it and liked to refer to it. Dd2 makes lots of yuk noises but isn't frightened by it. Ds is awaiting the boys version of the book, which I might leave t dh.

We haven't had to do a "big talk" and have sort of drip- fed info as it came into conversation. Ds1 will just ask outright anything he wants to know, and ds2 generally hears the responses and joins in conversation later. They're 11 and almost 9 and know where babies come from, how they get there, how bfing works, can't think of anything we've missed. One of the most recent questions (ds1 again) was basically contraception and avoiding 'making a baby when you don't need one' I thought that convo had the potential be excruciating but it was actually very amusing - and they got the info they needed.
I've had to tell 6yo dd that she might know stuff (see above) that her friends don't yet know about, but will when they're a bit older and they need to hear it from their mums and dads like she has. Attempt to prevent playground misinterpretation, scaremongering and gossip on my part

The school had a load of films and talks in Y5 about changing bodies and hygiene - and we had a parent and girls talk from the school nurse one evening all about periods (I had never seen the tampax in a glass of water thing before!) ....

but with 2 girls, I've always just left sanitary towels etc in the bathroom, told them when my period is on in case they see blood in the loo etc... just treated as part of life in this house, so they have both had little chats with me about stuff that will happen...

on the sex stuff - again we have just waited for little chats- they watch nature programs and know that the animals are making babies... also we are watching more 12 rated films - "nudey cuddling" in bed is prevalent in these! so we started talking about sex and relationships and contraception...

My DD is 9 and I've been telling her at least twice a year since she was about 3yo. She asks me about it, I tell her, she then promptly forgets and asks me again 6 months later :o

I can still remember my Mum telling me when I was 7 and having a moan about my best friend playing kiss chase instead of playing with me! I think she saw an opportunity and grabbed it!

I think it's best to get in early so they don't get wrong info from the playground. I think it's best to keep it simple and maybe ask what your dd does know, e.g. Do you know how babies are made? And take it from there.

Good luck!

My parents never gave me the Talk. They just left out this book for us: www.amazon.co.uk/Body-Book-Non-fiction-Claire-Rayner/dp/0590556088 Job done.

Just answer the question asked rather than adding to it. So if they ask where does a baby come from - you can say it grows in teh mother and comes out the vagina. You don't have to go into any more detail. I taught sex education to year 7 boys and the main thing is to "own the words". So don't shy from using the proper terms - play a straight bat and it makes it easier. The best questions were "how does the sperm know when to come out of the penis" and "if they boys balls (their term not mine) drop in puberty - does the vagina drop too? .... .... I said "instinct" and "no .. "

Blimey I am still waiting for "the talk" and I am 46 - no books, nothing, just a few uncomfortable questions from mother after I'd started. She was relieved I'd already sent away for information and free samples from magazines - I was prepared myself. The sex talk was easy - "Not until you are married" think that covered everything.

DP and I have answered DS questions honestly and age appropriately since he started asking them - not too much detail to overwhelm him and stopping when he appears satisfied. He knows we are both ready to answer any further questions he may have when he thinks of them

I got them (7yo & 5yo at the time) this book because I was alerted by 7yo's best friend's mum that questions were being asked at her end. They read it cover to cover and "thank you very much mother, that was very interesting" and that was that.

I, like showtunesgirl, had The Body Book. It was ace, my sister and I had a good giggle about some of it but gave us what we needed to know, followed up with questions to my Mum.

Its not a one off conversation its hsould be had from the off sex edcutaion is aout knowing body parts knowing good touch bad touch its a constant coversation

I like Babette Cole's When Mummy Laid an Egg that book is great. My DD asked me some awkward questions and I'd seen this book mentioned on mn before, so I ordered it from Amazon. It is fantastic, no more questions!

I also second The Body Book, we have that one too.

Buy a book. Good ice breaker :)

My DD is 8 in a couple of weeks and we've had 'the talk' over the holidays, with a little help from the Usborne book mentioned.

In truth we had half a talk as I didn't want to give her all the 'gory details' in one hit unless she asked, which she didn't.

So we covered periods, spots, hygiene and hormones.

She knows that a 'mummy seed' and a 'daddy seed' meet in the womb and where a baby comes out of. She hasn't thought to ask how the 'daddy seed' gets in there yet so I have the pleasure of that conversation still to come !

I remember being about 8 and knowing everything - periods, how sperms and eggs make babies in the womb - but really not being able to work out how the sperms from daddy got there. So I asked my mum outright and she explained that the penis goes into the vagina - I just remember being incredibly surprised, and thinking ah, that makes perfect sense! Wasn't scared or confused. I think kids are pretty accepting of plain facts.

DS is 5 and since he started asking how his sister 'came into your tummy' when I was pregnant with her (he was not yet 3 when she was born) I've just told him, um, exactly what happens? I grew up in a very medical household, where the body was completely normalized, and we all have very, very (very....) relaxed attitudes to nudity and it was never seen as anything embarrasing, YSWIM? Plus, he was the one asking the questions and leading the conversation.

I think I went slightly overboard when he told me (bear in mind he was 2.9 when DD arrived): (Picture small child holding erect penis) 'Mummy, my willy is ready to put the seed in your vagina now.' I spat my tea out at that one!

Now that I'm vastly pregnant with DD2 we've had some of the same conversations, and DS and I have looked at actual pictures of actual babies emerging from vaginas. He's been pretty fascinated, and when he's had enough, we go back to smurf videos :)

DD (2.4) thinks I'm going to poo the baby out and has been making grunting noises at our babysitter, and then producing a 'baby'.

So, hey ho - that's the, um, approach we're going for!

We've been doing 'The Talk' ever since DD was about 2.5 yrs old. I've just answered questions pretty honestly when she's asked them.

She completely talked me into a corner once and I had to explain that Daddy's penis went inside Mummy's vagina to put the seed inside me, and all she said was: "Yuck! That's disgusting!"

She hasn't asked about it for ages actually, so I'm probably due another grilling soon.

Yep. I'd say from about 2.5 my dd knew about the sperm and the egg, and about 4 when she insisted on knowing exactly how it got there. I also found Mummy Laid An Egg pitched at just the right level. She is now 6 and I overheard her explaining it to her 4 year old brother fairly accurately....

Im fine chatting about periods and I'm quite matter of fact in my general approach so I'm ok talking about that, just didn't know when or how to approach it, hence why I've just answered as much as I can without being too descriptive. She's seen me get changed etc so she knows what deodorant is for and why I have hair and boobs and she doesn't. I b/f her brother so she knows what boobs are for. I've said when she gets a bit older hers will start growing and she will get hair too, like me. For periods so far I've said sanitary towels are to keep my knickers clean and she asked me why I sometimes have pink wee. That's when I copped out and said when you get older that will happen to you too. I missed my opportunity then!
The bit I struggle with is discussing sex. I remember being told by my cousin when I was ten that a penis went inside a vagina and I was horrified and I don't want it to freak her out too. So far She knows a mummy and daddy make a baby, the baby grows in my tummy and comes out through the vagina. What I haven't told her is how the dad puts the baby there. That's the bit I'm struggling with. Does she need to know that at age 8?
Thanks all for the book recommendations I'm off to amazon to take a look