At what age to do 'the talk'

[Imlostwithoutahope]

Can anyone just give me some advice on the birds and bees chat.

Dd is 8 and in sept will be in year four. I know some of her friends have started getting pubic hair and dd has started sweating and smelling a bit of Bo so it's probably time I spoke with her about periods. However I don't know how much detail to go into. Can anyone suggest any good age appropriate books or advice please?

Also at what age do I tell her about sex? She knows a baby comes from a vagina but when she asked how it gets there I kind of skirted round the topic and just said it grows there, therefore she has no idea about the fathers part. She watches a lot of discovery so has seen animals etc mating or giving birth but I don't think she's linked it together. I don't want to tell her if she's too young.

Thanks

My df told me about sexual intercourse when I was about 5 and we were witnessing 2 dogs mating and i asked him what they were doing. I subsequently 'forgot' about it for several years, or rather didn't think about it at all until my mother had 'the talk' with me at 10 at which time I remember saying 'daddy told me about that a long time ago.' I always knew about periods but didn't realise we had a vagina. I thought blood literally came out of your bottom which also served as the birth canal and for sexual intercourse.

My own dd knew everything from the word go as I always answered her questions honestly. She also read Woman's Own avidly (I used to buy it weekly) from an early age and was particularly interested in the problems page which we used to discuss.
Finally we had a huge bathroom and she used to play while I was changing my tampax so she knew about periods and blood from an early age as well. I think that if you can talk naturally about these things it stops everyone getting embarrassed and inhibited later on.

Have a baby .

Ok, bit extreme but it has been very convienient for teaching DS (6yo). He's been to my scans and midwife appointments and it's sparked his curiosity so he's asked lots of questions.

He knows that the baby grows from an egg in mummy's tummy. Daddy's sperm (like a seed) is what makes the egg grow. The egg is a cell, which then splits and keeps spliting until there is lots and all those cells are what the baby is made of. He looks at my pregnancy book each week with me to see what his sister looks like now and how she is changing. He has asked how she will get out and knows she will come out through the vagina, which stretches a lot. He has taken to warning me that "it will hurt a lot but if you get in the water you feel better". I'm not sure where he got that from, think I may have left Home and Health on the TV while he was around!

Before I got pregnant he used to see me take the pill each day and asked what they were for, so he knows about (some forms of) contraception and most importantly to me, he sees them as the norm and is not embarrassed to talk about them.

Agree it shouldn't be one long talk. Learning about sex is part of both thier physical and emotional development and should be a gradual learning process, just like anything else they have to learn. You wouldn't sit them down and teach them to read all in one go would you?

My books came from amazon so I gave them to her and said to give me a shout if she had any questions. I said that as she kept asking me where babies came from I thought a book would explain it better, she looked at it and then I read it to her last night too. Ds whose 6 also joined us so now they both know. Ds was a lot easier as he just accepted it whereas dd was confused because previously I had skipped how the baby is actually created part so she kept saying but you told me it just grows there! So I agree that maybe it's a lot easier just to answer the questions truthfully from the start. They did have a giggle at the medical words penis and vagina and scrotum etc so we agreed for the rest of the book to call it our normal names ie willy

I told DD1 the basics about eggs and sperm when she was 3 and asking how the baby got in mummy's tummy (DD2). Then when she was 6 (year 2) she started worrying and asking a lot about a baby suddenly growing in her tummy when she was a bit older, so I told her about mechanics of sex and periods, just bought her a short Usborne book from a charity shop I happened to spot for £1, read it first myself (to check it's appropriate and to refresh my memory :)) then she read it (avidly) and asked a few questions. She seemed satisfied by that and hasn't mentioned anything for nearly a year.

I remember hearing stuff - misinformation - from other kids at school from age 7 and being confused and worried until I was about 11 and my mum bought me a facts of life book. Think it's good to be armed with the facts!

There's a lovely book called 'Mummy laid an egg' which contains some great illustrations around a story of children trying to educate their parents about the facts of life. It answers most questions in an easy to comprehend manner. I think it is by Nanette Coleman.

I bought it when my eldest son, then 5, asked who it was that gave the injection to all the animals in the wild. What injection???? Well the one to make them have babies! (and I thought I had explained everything clearly and in detail from day one)

I had the talk about 8 BUT DD may need it again & again due to her asking me if I could have a baby as she's sick of being an only kid answer was no I can't your dad had the snip, her answer was why did you mention dad ummm that shock n horror look afterwards priceless

I generally try to have "the talk" a couple of times a year since DS was about 3. I try to keep it light and matter of fact. The reason we repeat the talk is so it seems normal (like any other subject) and so it doesn't fall out of "knowledge". We talk about it in a variety of contexts: my pregnancy and impending birth of brother; previously when we got a kitten; when we watch animal programmes on telly; when DH and I got married; that sort of thing.

breward, I took your challenge and asked (4) about how we know if babies are boys are girls. "The doctor looks to see if there is a twinkle or a willy". So challenge met! Not sure if she would reply as frankly to a teacher, though, so the responses you get may be skewed...