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Original poster

At what age to do 'the talk'

83 replies

Imlostwithoutahope · 28/08/2012 09:56

Can anyone just give me some advice on the birds and bees chat.

Dd is 8 and in sept will be in year four. I know some of her friends have started getting pubic hair and dd has started sweating and smelling a bit of Bo so it's probably time I spoke with her about periods. However I don't know how much detail to go into. Can anyone suggest any good age appropriate books or advice please?

Also at what age do I tell her about sex? She knows a baby comes from a vagina but when she asked how it gets there I kind of skirted round the topic and just said it grows there, therefore she has no idea about the fathers part. She watches a lot of discovery so has seen animals etc mating or giving birth but I don't think she's linked it together. I don't want to tell her if she's too young.

Thanks

OP posts:
DontCallMeBaby · 30/08/2012 17:34

DD (8) also doesn't really ask questions - well, apart from a couple which would have required pretty in-depth answers, which she put to me a few years back in the bakery aisle in Waitrose. I'm also lacking an 'in' as far as periods are concerned as I don't have them - mind you, I do have a vast range of sanpro in the bathroom cupboard thanks to my mum completing menopause and giving me them all, just as my Mirena took full effect! Perhaps I should get DD to help me have a tidy in there?!

She has the Usborne book, bought a couple of months back as I had a vision of just forgetting to tell her anything. She's quite intrigued, which is good - I remember sex ed at school aged 10 or so and being horrified, late 80s and they still told us about towels with loops for belts, it all sounded dreadful.

She clearly has SOME idea - told me DH had switched a film off 'as a man and a woman were about to have sex'.

Fluffycloudland77 · 30/08/2012 17:45

My mother demonstrated condoms on her fingers, told me about the pill and testicles and erections at age 5.

Just dont do that and you'll be FINE.

Put me off for years it did.

Mellower · 30/08/2012 17:53

I keep asking my DS when he would like "the talk".

I have been advised he does not need any talk he has seen it all in school and it's just disgusting! Shock

I am unsure if we are talking about the same talk but have a feeling we are, my brothers think it is funny to laugh about him doing things to himself but he doesn't, I'm quite sure.

He is 12, knows about bird and bees but I wonder if I should leave pointing out the importance of condoms until he is even older and not finding it so disgusting?

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nightingale452 · 30/08/2012 18:17

My DD1 apparently asked my mother where babies come from when I was pregnant with DD2 - she was 4.5 at the time. Mum obviously explained it all in great detail because she's not asked any questions since!

Slight contrast with when I was a kid - she gave me a book on periods written by a nun about 6 months before I started (thank god it was before not after!) - no discussion whatsoever - and we had a book on biology which showed a cross-section diagram of a man and woman having sex. That was the sum total of my sex education - for years I worried sex would kill the woman because the man had to lie on top and obviously he was so much heavier he would crush her!

We have had numerous chats with DD1 about puberty though as she's now 10 and has had pubic hair for about a year and is starting to develop a bit of shape - I think we went into periods etc at the sign of the first pube, I was worried about leaving it too late as she's tall and well built so I suspect she might start on the early side.

breward · 30/08/2012 20:53

I teach Reception, and I am yet to meet a 5 year old that knows...

'When a baby is born, how does the doctor know if it is a boy or a girl?'

I am amazed even when they have many other siblings in the family they do not have a clue. Most think... It's your name (if you are a boy you have a boy's name), it's the clothes you wear (girl babies wear pink), the babies with short hair are boys, boys are the bigger babies, because the mummy asked for a girl, etc...

So if you have a 4/5/6 yr old at home, see what their response is to the above question! It's a great way to start off sex ed, basics first!

BrittaPerry · 31/08/2012 00:25

Dd1 is 5, and we have:

Making a baby needs an egg from a woman, a seed from a man and a womb of a woman. Usually the egg and womb are from the mummy an the seed is from her boyfriend or husband, who is the daddy. Girls already have the tiny tiny eggs and the womb, but they are only ready to use when they are older, and part of the process of turning into a woman is getting hairier and growing boobs to feed babies with. Some women shave off some of the hair.

Sometimes the baby gets made by accident, sometimes on purpose. Sometimes the egg, r the seed, or the womb, ont come from the mummy or daddy, because they might not be able to use theirs, or there might be two women or two men that want to have a baby, so very friendly and kind people help them. Sometimes the mummy and daddy don't love eac other, but they love the baby very much, and that is wha makes them a mummy or daddy.

We haven't really got to periods or sex yet.

I tried being less detailed, but dd is very inquisitive.

BrittaPerry · 31/08/2012 00:29

Oh, and dd thinks she might be a boy just in a girls body, but she is fin with that, because girls are best anyway, and she will stay n her disguise till she dies.

...so that's ok then...

...dd1 is a bit odd Grin

bertiebassett · 31/08/2012 10:35

I remember being around 9 or 10 and knowing all about babies growing in the womb, childbirth, sperm and eggs (DM was a nurse and we used to watch lots of medical and science programs on TV). However I wasn't sure how the sperm got into the woman's body. I eventually came to the conclusion that the sperm must pass through the mans nipples into the woman's nipples...after all they would 'match' if the man was lying on top of the woman...right?!

When I found out how the sperm REALLY got in the woman (from a friend in the playground) I was [surprised]

bertiebassett · 31/08/2012 10:37

I mean [surprise]

bertiebassett · 31/08/2012 10:37

Bollocks!

NicknameTaken · 31/08/2012 11:15

Slightly hysterical at panic's story of the dissected female rat.

My DD(4) is utterly enthralled by the subject. We got Made with Love from the library and she was desperate to bring it to nursery to enlighten all the other 4-year olds.

I remember the impossibility of discussing periods with my mother (I was given a book) and hope I'll do better.

NicknameTaken · 31/08/2012 11:19

About learning from animals, that can be a bit misleading. If anyone has watched dogs mating, there's a bit at the end where they seem to be peacefully stuck together (I think the penis swells for a bit). I thought that was the proper sex part, and all the in-and-out business was just the male dog trying to get his balance. I was honestly surprised that the whole in-and-out thing featured in human sex too.

(Irish childhood. Sex was NOT covered in school).

WeAllHaveWings · 31/08/2012 13:18

got Let's Talk for ds(8) last year, we read it together and it went down well. Liked the format, pictures and felt it went into just the right amount of detail in various topics and prompted other questions.

One tip is, if they have friends over regulary don't leave the book in their room to look at whenever they want.

ds was in his bedroom with four of his friends (age 6 - 10) and suspisiously (sp?) the door was closed and I heard "no, my mum hasn't shown ME a book...........let's see the picture of............again", and when I peeked inside they were all looking at it together. Apologised to a couple of the mum's next time I saw them and got a bit of a glare back from one of them!

iirc it doesnt really mention many changes during puberty so will need to get something else this year at some point.

AgaKhant · 31/08/2012 19:00

I found I managed to do the whole thing in a matter of minutes when DD asked me one very rushed morning before school/work - ended up demonstrating the whole thing using a loo roll and holder as she was so 'but then what' and we were in such a rush.

I remember reading (prob here) that it's best done while doing something else, painting, cooking or something and just approached as part of general chit-chat rather than 'sit down for 'the talk' approach!'

frayededges · 31/08/2012 19:45

ds is almost 8 and i had no idea that all this developement started so young! maybe girls start earlier. he has never asked any questions except " if a baby comes from mummies' tummies then where did the first baby come from?". if it doesn't involve lego then he's not really interested. will buy some books. maybe make some lego models?

exexpat · 31/08/2012 21:21

Lego for sex education? You may be joking, but I do believe that if you search some of the murkier corners of the Internet, you will find a number of porn films re-enacted in Lego. At least, that's what someone on MN linked to claimed a while ago. It was probably on a Friday night...

LST · 31/08/2012 21:38

My mum told me sat outside the newsagents the day before my ninth birthday about my periods.

I couldn't wait to start them Hmm

StarlightMcKenzie · 31/08/2012 21:42

Well my 3 yr old and 5 yr old know all about how babies are made, but then we have just had another and couldn't get away with anything but detailed descriptions.

roomoo · 31/08/2012 22:05

I'm defiantly getting one of these books my children 5yo & 7yo think they got in my tummy by me buying their seeds from the shop and eating them in a sandwich Hmm

I didn't know what 2 say... Ooops

Rowgtfc72 · 01/09/2012 07:57

DD who is five asked me on the bus the other day "mummy how did I get here?" I said on the bus (people sniggering round me) and told her we would get a book from the library. We found a lovely book showing the baby growing in mummys tummy,shes watched one born every minute and knows how the babies get out ( I came out your bits mummy but some come out mummys tummy).However the book wasnt enough and she said "but how did I get in there?" I have to admit I bailed. My sex ed was a very old technical medical book opened to relevant page and a bag of doctor whites with belt "sanitary underwear" and instructions ! Shes an inquisitive five and a half year old (looks like a seven year old) and I am worried her periods will start earlier as mine did last year of juniors and I'll miss the boat! What would be the best book ?

JoInScotland · 01/09/2012 08:43

My son is 31 months and one month ago his best friend became a Big Sister. So it has opened up a lot of questions about babies, birth, breastfeeding, you name it. We just talk about it when he brings it up. We look at pictures of me (pregnant) and when I gave birth in hospital and so on. We've never had a "big chat" and he hasn't yet asked how the baby gets inside When he asks about that, we'll start talking about that.

My mother told me nothing, and banned me from the talks they gave at school. Puberty was horrendous for me, I had no idea what was happening. I thought I was bleeding to death. Friends who had the "big chat" (once) couldn't remember all the details and were too embarrassed to ask to have that conversation again. I'm trying to avoid both scenarios.

3wiseguys · 01/09/2012 19:30

My ds1 is 11 and has been extremely helpful when it comes to letting his younger bros what the birds n the bees is all about!!!!! I have had to have several "talks" with them setting them straight on whatever crap he's picked up in the playground!! I haven't gone into too much of the gory details, but instead I have pushed the respect angle and how important it is to truly love who you want to make babies with. As far as ds2 and 3 are concerned if you have sex it ends in a baby, and for now, I'm happy with that!!

NeverKnowinglyUnderstood · 01/09/2012 20:05

{grin} ah yeah, my friends daughter, laughed at the radio when it was talng about people getting pregnant accidentaly..
"How can you do THAT accidentally" there had up to that point be no conversation about doing THAT for recreational purposes!

Bumpsadaisie · 01/09/2012 20:53

My DD is 3.3 and has just started asking about sanitary towels. I have told her big ladies wear them for a few days each month because a little bit of blood comes out of your bum and you don't want it to get your knickers. She said "but I don't have that do I?" I said no, not until she was nearly a big lady herself.

She seemed happy with that for now. She likes to run in and spot whether I am wearing a san towel that day or not ....

She has spotted her, erm, clitoris and thinks it is a tiny willy, which in due course will grow bigger like her little brother's. Hmm.

mummymeister · 01/09/2012 23:03

We started talking about periods to the girls when they were in year5 which was a good job as they both started in year 6! there is a book called the little book of periods which someone gave me and i sat with them and went through it then left it with them to read for themselves and ask questions. its not unusual for year 6 girls to have periods so getting the info out early enough is most important. didnt need to do the sex chat as we live on a farm and its all around them though my DS did ask if biting hold of the back of the neck (as chickens do) was entirely necessary as he thought the squawking in pain might put him off. Bless.