looking after my grandon full time

[alycia]

hi everyone im new on here but wanted a rant moan someone to listen im 32 got 3 girls 17 6 and 3 my eldest daughter has got a 9month old son my grandson who i adore i love him 2 bits ive been looking after him full time for 3 weeks now she doesnt want to bring him up so social services are going to get a residence order for him to live with me my daughter sees him 3 times a week for a few hours but never over night my grandson goes to his dads every weekend my daughter and dad arnt together no more i love my daughter but cannot understand why she doesnt want her son im filling up with tears im going to be his carer but i have 2 little ones my self its hard work and im so tired not much money am i doin the right thing will it get to much for me im sruggling my self at times for money his dad doesnt pay for him is anyone in the same boat as me would like advice thanks and thanks for letting me ramble on if any one has baby boys clothes bundles for him id appreciate that 3 6 months 6 9months 9 12 months thanks so much im willing to pay i have everything else for him but clthes would keep me going for a while thanks again

thanks again to everyones advice and nice messages think this site is brill ill be on here alot lol ur all greatxxx

Sympathies OP, you're clearly in a very tough position. I applaud you for trying to get some help for you and your DD.

Shame on all the posters commenting on punctuation; congratulations on being so superior and perfect

I was just about to eBay a bundle of 9-12 month boys clothes so OP, if you PM me your address I'll post them off tomorrow.

What's her boyfriends view on things? Is he helping or hindering?

I would tell his father that he either starts paying something or you will go though the CSA for money. Even if you come to an arrangement whereby him and his family buy his nappies when needed he has to contribute to.

No advice to add to the great suggestions that you have already had.

Just wanted to add my admiration for what a lovely woman you are, your children and grandson are so lucky to have you.

thanks so much just want to do whats best for everyonex

her boyfriend is ok and hes good with baby as for babys dad your right im gonna ask for something everyweek well he can afford new trainers and clothes for himself while im paying for his son which i dont mind but its the principal of things

her boyfriend is ok

As you get on OK with the boyfriend then, I would be stressing to him the need for contraception if your daughter won't take responsibility for this.

You can't wave a magic wand to suddenly make her want to be more involved with her son but you can limit the potential for more grandchildren in the future.

Exactly what NumberLock says, there needs to be something done in regards to contraception.

yeah your right but i dont think my daughter at 17 and her bf at 20 would listen to me but i have stated this to both of themx

yes i agree 100percent but i cannot make her even ss have tried talking to her im at my witts end

Do you not maybe think she doesn't want to be a mother? Maybe she's changed her mind, and feels conflicted in giving him up so she's given him to you as an inbetween option?

Tell her you will not be taking on any future grandchildren if the enevittable happens.
Its awful that she can dump her baby, yet go out and find a new boyfriend

She is lucky to have you as without you her baby would have been adopted out to an unknown person or may be in foster care.

I agree with you OP; I think that giving your grandson back to your DD at this stage is a bad idea, as it seems likely that it would break down. As you rightly point out, his needs come first and his need for a stable, loving home outweighs the need for your DD to take responsibility IYSWIM.

i think now hes not a newborn and he needs more interractive things she finds that hard shes very stressy with him i just hope she doesnt have any more i will do what i can for my grandson and thats all i can do ur right she can give her son up but have time for a new bf very mad

Alycia - what support do you have? eg parents, brothers, sisters, friends - that can help to give you a break?

Alycia, you sound like a lovely mum and grandma. Your family are lucky to have you. :)
Don't worry a jot about your writing, you've got a huge amount on your plate to worry about such trivial things. Good luck.

Ruby

I really feel for you you must be very disappointed with her

Hi alycia, best of luck, your grandson is lucky to have you.

Does your daughter have a job? If she does you should make sure that she is giving you some money for the little boy every week as well, it's not just his dad's responsibility.

Also you said she comes around about 3 times a week to see her son. You should make sure that one or two times she takes him out or looks after him while you go out so you can have a break.

One day she might wish that she had taken care of him from day one, it will be better for her if she knows that at least she did something for him.

no one really

thankyou for that thanks so muchxxx

true very truex

she doesnt work or anything she takes him out on her own sometimes i will be asking for money off her and babys dad aswell your right thanksx

Once you get the residency order through all your daughters benefits will stop.
I think she has had a lot of help from social services etc. because she is a lone mother.

You will find she is not thinking further than her nose end and once the money and help stops she will be back on your doorstep soon. Tough love will be needed.
You will need to realise she is an adult and can work and support herself ..the baby cannot.

It will be hard for you to realise that although in the first place you were helping your child, really she should be making her own way in life, you are doing her no favours by not allowing her to grow up.

But it's not about the daughter, mantel- it's about what's best for the baby. A lot of damage could be done to him if he lives with her whilst his mother faces up to her responsibilities. It is in his best interests to live with the OP.

All these posts saying the daughter should grow up and face her responsibilities are pointless and obstructive. It's not going to happen overnight, all the OP can do in the meantime is carry on as she has been doing and hope for a change in the future.

She came on here to let off steam and hopefully knows she can count on virtual support when she needs it.