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Original poster

Should I stay or should I go?

31 replies

teacups · 05/03/2006 15:06

My best friend bought me a weekend trip to Spain with her for my birthday last September when DD was 5 months old. At the time, I was reluctant to go as I was worried about leaving DD. She rather talked me into it, and said I would feel much more confident by the time the weekend came.

Well, I am due to go in 2 weeks' time and am still feeling rather apprehensive. DH has got the time off work and thinks it would be good for me to have a break but my mother has had a go at me and wonders what kind of mother leaves her child to go away for a weekend. I am not worried about DD from her point of view as I know she will have a great time with DH (and has stayed with him many times when I have been out or at work) but I have never left her overnight and feel worried that I will miss her too much.

So, in the words of the Clash, should I stay or should I go? Any advice gratefully received.

Thank you.

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Mumatuks · 05/03/2006 15:20

I think you'll miss your DD lots, but you should go. It's not something you do every weekend! You'll come back feeling refreshed and be a better mummy for it (IYSWIM!)
Also it will be grate for DD and DH to have some time together.
At the end of the day, you will know what is the right thing to do.
HTH!

moondog · 05/03/2006 16:01

Oh go!
Ignore your mother-nothing to do with her.
A w/end is such a short amount of time.

Please go!

colditz · 05/03/2006 16:03

What does she mean, what kind of mother?

A normal mother, that's what!

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motherofboys · 05/03/2006 16:04

Go go go. you know you want to!

Us Mums need to have our batteries recharged and our kids need to cope without us occasionally, and them men need to take more responsibility.

Our own Mums should mind their own business !!

Blu · 05/03/2006 16:07

Yes, go!

What kind of mother guilt trips her conscientious loving-mother-daughter out of the only free time she will have had in nearly a year?

You and your DH are the parents - your DH is obviously supportive of you and confident that he and dd will be fine, why shouldn't he be? - go, go, GO!

blueteddy · 05/03/2006 16:14

Blimmin right you should go! It's only a weekend & your DD will be fine with her Daddy.
I am sure you will miss your DD, but at the same time it is nice to have a bit of "you" time.
Go & enjoy yourself!

Jackstini · 05/03/2006 16:24

Absolutely you should go - it's only a weekend and all mums deserve a break sometimes. Yes you may miss dd but then you will love coming back to her all the more. It will be lovely for her & dh to have some quality father-daughter time. Ignore your mum - bet she wouldn't bat an eyelid if it was dh going off for 2 days...

nannyme · 05/03/2006 16:31

Agree with mumatuks and moondog and think you should ignore the "what kind of mother" comments. However, also note that YOU say you feel apprehensive. If you are concerned about being away from your baby then don't ignore that feeling out of a sense of not wanting to let your friend down.

Carmenere · 05/03/2006 16:38

Go, I am lucky enough to occasionally get to go on short press trips and yes I do miss my dd. But do you know what? - it's fab to have a short time to be yourself, go have fun, you will come back refreshed and be a better mother for it. A happy mother means a happy child.
Ignore your mum, listen to your best friend and your dh, they love you too and obviously think you need a break.

Mumatuks · 05/03/2006 17:10

Teacups, Also meant to say ignore your Mother, and I'm cringing at typing grate instead of great! !

How are you feeling about it all now after seeing everyones replies?

Original poster

teacups · 05/03/2006 19:42

Thanks everyone. I think I am just being sentimental - she is soooo fabby at the moment, and has just started walking, so I am wondering how I can bear to be without her.

That said, she was biting me last week and had me in tears... so perhaps I should have thought about it then!!

My mother is a good one for the poor little thing guilt trip ("oh poor little thing, going to nursery for such a long time every day" etc) so in hindsight I should have just gone and told her afterwards.

I am very cross with myself that at the ripe old age of 36 I am still seeking my mother's approval or at least am upset when I don't get it .

OP posts:

7up · 05/03/2006 20:06

i still seek mothers approval at the age of 37!just to let you know youre not the only one. have a fab weekend away, you deserve it

mumlove · 05/03/2006 20:46

Go and have a fabulous time (can I fit into your bag), Don't worry about what your mum said things were done a bit different when we were little.

fransmom · 05/03/2006 21:32

go teacups, go! i think that if your mom really thought about it, she might realise/ remember how hard it is and how much she might have needed a break but never had the oppotunity. does any1 think tea's mom might be teensy bit miffed that she didn't have opportunity?

fransmom · 05/03/2006 21:35

sorry, i didn't mean to sound funny there.

can you take a really big bag so me &mumlove can both go?!
better go, the film's started. hope all the advice is helping you (((((((((love&hugs)))))

Original poster

teacups · 06/03/2006 20:49

No you are right, I think that there is a lot of sadness / regret in my mother. There wasn't the money around for her to go away in the 70s. Not that she would have gone anyway probably, but that doesn't stop her feeling a bit sad. They also didn't have budget airlines, cheap deals etc so going away wasn't anywhere near as common as it is now.

I am now keen to go and looking forward to it. My DD was fab today and I will miss her like anything but I think it is probably healthy to have some time apart. Thanks for all your support. I'll have a sherry or two for you all whilst I am away

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fransmom · 06/03/2006 21:26

lol lol. not sure about sherry - as long as it's a sweet one! i haven't had glass of sherry for ages i know how you feel now - have to dcide whether to see bro before he moves -he lives 100 odd mile away at mo- then he's going up to york at w/e.have 1day to decide! you enjoy yourself if you do go (i think you should)(((hugs))))))

freshstart · 06/03/2006 21:28

You know what, when you leave her it will KILL you, you will feel like terrible Mummy - that should die off by the time you have checked in!!

Then you will ring to ease your mind, she will be fine and you will have a great time.

GO GO GO

fransmom · 07/03/2006 15:31

have decided to go see bro, but it doesn't feel right leaving lo, but am goign cos i know she will be ok( though if she has whale of a time, shan't be 2happy with her dad!)

go and have a great time and enjkoy the sherry!

fransmom · 07/03/2006 15:31

my spelling not very good today!

lemonstartree · 07/03/2006 16:42

go go go

and enjoy :)

thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat · 07/03/2006 16:48

go - no question. and at your mum. I think the answer to her question (which may be a bit harsh, but basically is true) is that you are a mum in 2006. You will have a great time, you will miss your dd like crazy, and will come home refreshed.

fransmom · 11/03/2006 20:12

i hope you still going on hols? sorry going to look at what your name is (my memory like a sieve lately!)

fransmom · 11/03/2006 20:16

teacups!!!!!!!!

i went and had a great time being big sis and ended up having a laugh with him. the first thing i did when dp met me at train station was drop my bags and give dd big hug and kisses. dp eventually got kiss2! but i did enjoy holding my dd again. that was the best part about coming home was looking 4wards to that first cuddle.

please still go, you need some "me time" go go go
((((hugs))))

Original poster

teacups · 12/03/2006 19:40

Thanks Fransmom. Glad you had a good time. I'm off this Thursday and despite initial wobbles am now looking forward to it... will let you know how it goes.

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