I have four books and would appreciate those that have read them advising me as to the one that is going to help me the most please

[JustFabulous]

I have 3 kids 7-11 years old.

I am really struggling. Really struggling more than ever before and more than I want to admit as I usually get a real kicking when I do ask for help on here but I am really desperate and can't do this any more

I was brought up in care. I had more placements than I can count but well into double figures. I never lived with my dad or saw him more than 1-2 times nor did I live with my mother past babyhood.

I lost all my instincts when I started

sorry, waffling now, i am sure you know my history.

the books are

siblings without rivalry
unconditional parenting by alfie kohn
how to talk...
cbt for dummies

Please can we save the criticism and flaming for another time as well as the ones about how I don't listen to advice. I thought I could manage on my own before as well as the thought of having to interact with strangers filled me with fear. I know now if I don't sort this I will have to leave.

Thank you.

DH has just been telling me about the Harry Enfield characte, Kevin, and said DS1 is like him. He suggests I watch it!

JustFab it sounds pretty normal behaviour, you maybe need to look at how it is affecting you. Are You still reading how to talk? What else does it suggest?
It's not going to be a quick fix though and don't expect miracles overnight. Baby steps remember

I didn't read yesterday as I had a mad crazy day but this morning I read a bit of the Toddler Taming but thr 5-13 year one as I found it when tidying.

I think the issue is how I repond to his behaviour. If it is all normal I need to learn to ignore it and not rise to it. Hard when he is being mean to my other children and laughing in my face saying he doesn't have to do as he is told.

ds1 has been awful this evening too, but it was because he was stressed. I tried just reflecting what he said back to him, and it helped calm him down. And he said sorry without me asking him to. He was stressed about singing in a performance because he was losing his voice (sore throat) There is more to their behaviour than meets the eye. I think you have to combine reflective listening with ignoring the worst excesses, and not calling them to account for attitude, rudeness, and then they sort of work out for themselves that they don't have to be rude to get your attention.
good luck, you can do it, you can get through!