DP accusing me of throwing my son

[MySonIsMyWorld]

Cannot believe this!
The other day my DS pullled my hair he is 13 mo and i said under my breat "the bastard" i know i shouldnt say it but i did because i am so tired and fed up recently anyway i then moved him and out him on the bed and rolled him to his daddy so i could go cry in the bathroom (thats how awful i feel at the moment) anyway DP didnt say anything and now he is saying i threw him on the bed!
I feel so angry - WHY WOULD I DO THAT TO MY SON?!! Ughhhhh as if id throw him on the bed ever? And then he turns it around on me and i start beliving i did it!

I dont know what im going to do to be honest. I really dont.
I do love him when he is nice when he isnt i dont like him at all!

Im so confused as to what to do

MySon, I really suggest you have a look at the Emotional Abuse support thread in the Relationships section.

Nobody is a monster all of the time. He had to have a nice side or you would never have dated him in the first place - you're not stupid :) Unfortunately people like this have a habit of revealing their true colours eventually and by then you're stuck with a baby or you've been so twisted and turned by their mind games throughout the time that you can barely think straight let alone think about leaving.

We believe you - and you are worth more.

Thank you Bertie - you have actually made me think i am worth more!

I believe you, OP

I think your so-called partner is the problem here

how would you fel if your son grows up and treats this partner/wife/mother of his children as you are being treated by your dp now?

you are providing a role model and the blue-print which your son will base his adult life and relationships on in the future

you have to leave for the sake of your son, not stay

Ive been here too. Good luck

Good :)

Did you find the EA thread? It's long but you don't have to read the whole thing - just the first post and then jump straight to the end.

What Cogito said. X 1000000000.

Forgive me for sounding so stupid - so it this sort of thing from a DP not normal?

• When i ask him to look after DS he rolls eyes and finds excuses not too
• When i say i do all the cooking and cleaning, he says he doesnt ask me too and not to cook for him or wash his clothes?
• When I try and go on holiday he doesnt want to and will not go?
• When i clean the house top to toe sparkling he doesnt notice and then he literally trashes it? Crisp packets everywhere, shoes dumped, cups left.
• He doesnt do any household jobs at all - even as petty as putting the toilet roll on the holder when it runs out?

Can i just say i am not perfect, i am very emotinal and i show my emotions on my sleeve but since i have been with him i get very angry towards him but im nothing like him i dont know i am very messed up with all his brain messing uppingness!

Nothing is ever good enough to make him notice.

I have so much pressure on my head - its my responsbility to do EVERYTHING and thats fine if he acknowleged it but he doesnt - the problem isnt my son - he is the only thing I rock at! He is 25 im just 20 i had my son when i was 18 and i have never once let him down, yes i cried alot when DP left yes i was upset most of the time, but i always pulled threw and smiled for my little lad! I always got up and BF even when I had flu and masitus and i carried on - he is 25 and couldnt even stick around long enough to see his sons first smile.

I am on eggs shells to please him to make sure he wakes up (normally about 2pm) happy and not in a mood with me. What the hell am i doing with him? It bothers me that he will have his job i got him if i tell him to go he will have no finacial worries, he will live rent free at his "mummys" and i will work my arse off saving for my boy and me - dont get me wrong i dont mind that but why the hell does he deserve what he has?!

Accusing me of throwing my son? As if. I have more chance of sprouting wings yes i am human yes i get frustrated and count to 10 yes i do but no i dont throw my son.

I'm so sorry that none of the above makes sense, i am ranting because my brain is so fuggled by it all that I dont know anymore - i know i dont have the back bone at the moment to be that lonley again - im scared to be alone again.

All the above makes sense, unfortunately. You're being manipulated. It's significant that you got together when you were very young and he was rather older, because the younger you are and the fewer adult relationships you've experienced, the easier you are to control

Typically they follow a 'good cop, bad cop' routine where they will push the victim to the limit with their bad behaviour one minute... criticism, personal insults, ridiculing efforts, questioning sanity, walking out .... and then be nice as pie the next. Other techniques are social isolation and controlling access to money.

The net effect is that the partner ends up 'on eggshells', scared of another outburst, keeping the other sweet, questioning their own judgement, wondering 'is this normal?' Long-term they lose confidence, become over-dependent and eventually become trapped because they believe they could not manage solo. If you want an incentive to regrow your backbone, that would be the one I'd pick out for you. There are far worse fates in life than to be a little lonely. If you want another incentive... that lovely little boy of yours. All the time he's growing up watching your relationship play out, he's getting the idea that this is how men behave.

Reverse the roles myson.....would you treat him like that? Would that be normal?

Don't you feel lonely now? I found it so so lonely being in a relationship which sounds so so similar to yours....and EA relationships are all very similar. The abusers all use the same tactics to make you feel worthless and confused

You should post yourself on the EA thread. There are some amazing ladies there, with so much support and good advice

That is npt normal behaviour form a partner, my love

This man is defective, and you need to get rid of him before that spark of anger and self-respect still within you is crushed into oblivion, never to be seen again

not

I think it sounds like you're doing a fine job of putting your DS first in really difficult circumstances. In my book being a good Mum is about doing, and being, the best you can.

I wouldn't focus on what he deserves and his life - focus on what you and your DS deserve and your life together.

Six months of trying to make it work is long enough.