What's it really like with two?

[Cbell]

I know it's a very general question but I find myself pregnant with baby number two (unplanned: failed coil) and am not sure if I want more.

All I can think about is how hard it will be and how much I will miss enjoying my DD (17 months)

Very sad

I have 3, I found 1 the hardest, eldest dd loved all her siblings so much it took the intensity of the me her relationship, she was 2.4 months when ds arrived and she adored him from day 1. Dd and ds have equally adored baby dd. It's hard juggling everyone but it's nice i am crazy baby lady though

I have good days and bad days with two, but I had good days and bad days with one! Youngest is coming up to 2 and eldest is 3.5, and at this point the work involved isn't that much more. They get on really well with each other, and I wouldn't have life any other way. And I spent 24 hours sobbing when I found out DC2 was a DS as I had this idea that a DD and a DS wouldn't get on as well as two DDs. I blame the hormones. :)

In my limited experience (DS is 3.2, DD is 15 months), it's hell for the first 10-12 months, but really, really lovely now. Still hard work, but seeing them play together, and the joy they each get from having a sibling is worth all the crap times.

I did find it hard to bond with DD though, even though she was very much planned and wanted. I resented her at times for taking me away from DS, who was still my baby. It took me until she was about 6 months old for me to be able to say I loved her as much as I loved DS.

It's still hard, particularly when they're both ill/tired/ratty, but the good definitely outweighs the bad. In fact, I'm enjoying it so much that DC3 is due in February!

Having just one child can be very intense, all your energy and focus is on that one child, although you don't realise it at the time.

Having 2 can be both a juggle and a doddle at various times. But what it does mean is that when you do have one to one time with just one of the children, it's so much easier and less intense than when you only ever had one child. You feel like you're on a break when you have just one to look after and other is doing something else.

You also get to fall in love with number two which is just amazing.

Am sure you don't regret your first, you won't regret your second.

But you may regret not going ahead with the second if you decided against it.

That said, recent research suggested that the happiest most well adjusted kids are only children!!

Tonight when I tried to put 9mo ds to bed, he kept shouting for his big sister. Who in turn kept popping her head round the door and making animal noises. The way he laughs when he sees her doing all this just for him is absolutely amazing. They wake up in a morning and call for each other. They wrap themselves round each other and giggle. They watch each other. They have their own language. They miss each other when dd is at school and when they greet each other at the end of the school day, it's like somebody's turned on the brightest light. They are so in love with each other. I've taken nothing away from dd, I've given her a sibling.

I was so frightened when pregnant. I missed dd already, I felt guilty that my precious time with my precious girl was going to be eroded. But all that melted away.

I actually find having 2 easier than having 1. Partly it's a dilution of the intensity and partly it's due to a confidence I didn't have first time round.

I am so jealous of you [posters with two. My three are wonderful individually but horrendous together. I am a full time student and I work evenings with no childcare. I am permanently exhausted, I have never spent a night away from my younger two (6 and 3). My third was an accident and I don't regret him because he is a lovely boy but my life would be a million times easier.

A heck of a lot easier than one plus being pregnant!

I have a 3.6 year gap which made it easier, but after 4 months it's going pretty well and there just isn't time to worry like I did with ds. And getting him to do 'row, row' with dd is the cutest thing ever.

I disagree with those who say it's hard.

It is actually very easy - or at least it was for me. Baby no. 2 benefitted from the fact that I actually knew how to care for a baby, understand it's cues and respond appropriately.

I absolutely loved it when we had just the two. Don't, however, ask how hard it is with three - that's an entirely different story ;)

Seeing the two together is absolutely the best part of motherhood. Mine are 12 and 15 and they get so much enjoyment out of one another. When dd goes clothes shopping she takes ds because I get bored and fidgetty in shops and don't understand modern fashion. When ds has a bad day and is moody and stroppy dd talks him round and makes him laugh.

I also found the lower degree of intensity refreshing when ds was a baby. Dd did play up for a while and it was very tiring, but somehow I didn't have to be quite so focused.

My elder 2 are 24 months apart, and as others have said seeing them support each other is lovely - I so love seeing them approach a situation hand in hand because neither is brave enough to do it alone (they are 4 and 6). They look after each other, stick up for each other, cuddle each other they love each other, help each other with decisions that are important to a 4 and 6 year old but that I have dismissed unthinkingly because I am cooking dinner or whatever... They also fight of course, but the good far outweighs the bad so far.

The only thing I found harder with 2 was breast feeding really, as my dd was a master of creating situations which meant I had to get up and help her every time I latched DS1 on, the posts on forums telling you you could cuddle and read to your toddler while feeding your baby, or have a box of special feeding time only toys and snacks, and that would keep them busy, always made me laugh hollowly.

I kept the focus on DD when DS1 came alone mainly though, as babies only need love, warmth, food, a safe place to sleep, whereas toddlers actually need focussed attention - so DS1 spent a lot of his early babyhood in a sling, and DD and my life continued almost as before. I have found this much harder 3rd time around as the demands of slightly older/ school age children seem actually less compatible with a baby (homework, more ferring around and activities not designed for small tots etc) than those of a toddler, but that is irrelevant to this thread!

Congratulations and good luck!

I agree about the breastfeeding thing, everytime o feed dd2 dd1 shouts that she cant wipe her bottom etc etc.

But for me having 2 has been easier than when i had dd1 as a baby. Because i'm already in a fixed rotine with dd1 who's 3. When she was a baby all my tasks were guided by her and her naps etc. i dont have that luxury now. Dd2 gets carted off on the school run, shopping etc and has to fit in i'm afraid. It often means her feeds are snatched moments to top her up before the next swimming lesson, party, sports day etc i need to be at.

My dd1 adores being a big sister and theres nothing lile the beam on my baby's face when she first sets eyes on her big sister each morning. If she's grizzling whilst i cook etc i can ask dd1 to sit with her.

The guess work is gone with dd2, i recognise a tired cry in an instant now compared to dd1 where i was always wondering what was wrong and doing the mental checklist. And pregnancy with a toddler is sheer shitty hell. Awful so it will def be better once dc2 arrives. The one bit i find hard is when they are both crying and not knowing who should come first.

Two is lovely

My two dd's have 4 year between them but they get on so so well they are best friends. I'm pg with number 3!

We'd planned a second but it happened much sooner than I expected. 2 yrs ttc ds and I was actually convinced it might never happen. Ds wad 9 months when I found out. I spent my entire pregnancy in shock.

Dd is 1 next wk, ds is 2.5. It's hard but getting easier all the time. They both sleep, mostly, which helps a lot. But, as has been said already, it's still your first who will take most of your time and you'll leave the baby to cry while you deal with the older one. Logistics are harder. Getting out the house can take all morning but persevere. You need to get out.
Ds adores his sister and she follows him like a puppy. The smaller gap meant ds hadn't reached the 'mine, mine, mine' stage, so wasn't jealou. He was mostly ambivalent. Babies are boring to 19 month olds.
I still find it mindnumbing at times and looked forward to going back to work. Maybe I'm not doing it right though.

Congratulations. Don't add guilt to how you're already feeling. It is what it is. Save your energy. You'll need it. Second time round you'll hopefully relax a bit more about housework mattering Also, if you can engineer it get them napping at the same time. Then sleep yourself. Bet you didn't do that first time round

It's much easier with one child. Every day is a constant slog with two children. Two lots of children to dress, to feed, change, entertain, etc.

@iMoniker Not really appreciating your comment about 2 not being hard, and it being easy, have you thought that people can have very different experiences with different children and just because you found it easy, others should too? That kind of attitude sees mothers sinking into depression by themselves, thinking that they are the only ones finding motherhood difficult.

Sorry you have that experience lovechoc but OP seriously that is not the usual experience - 2 is not usually twice the work as they entertain each other once the younger gets mobile and you can sit back a little bit, , and/ or they can be entertained together in a lot of cases, and unless your age gap is very tiny indeed (say under 18 months) the elder will be beginning to be capable of bits and bobs themselves - certainly my dd dressed herself (mostly, except buttons and the odd awkward thing) at 24 months, I never felt the way lovechoc does.

23 months difference here.

DD2 is 15 weeks.

Being pg with a toddler = bit crap

Having a newborn with a toddler = hard

Potty training and bf at the same time = complicated

It's getting better though slowly. its not that it's bad, just hard work. Harder work than anything I've ever done. Within a day I have more lows than I've ever had before but I also have way more highs too. I can see a point in time in about two years or so when it will be magic!

I have a three year age gap between my two children and yes it is hard work. Sorry, I am very frank about it. I don't have rose-tinted glasses on. You also have a larger shopping bill when it comes to food, as they eat you out of house and home.

I think when they're in secondary school it will start to get easier.

I don't get any naps out of my toddler though and baby doesn't love napping (or sleeping at night much) so I am constantly on the go day and night still...

pommedechocolat now that is really what it's like with two children!! The truth is slowly coming out...that is the reality of it.

Yes yes yes, it's lovely when they play nicely together blah de blah, but at the end of the day it is hard work, you don't get any respite when you're on your own doing all the slog. My eldest stopped napping just before he turned 2yo, and my youngest looks to be the same. Have a 5yo and nearly 2yo. When the 5yo goes to school after the holidays, it will be much easier though.

Lovechoc but surely a 3 year old doesn't need feeding (as in food spooning in, obviously they need food, but the same food as you), or dressing? I have a 24 month gap and then a 3.5 year gap (3 kids), and they are now 6,4 and 1 so I don't think I've forgotten! I think you must have been unlucky with high maintenance kids (I am sure they are lovely, but maybe harder work than average) as although of course some things (and some days) are hard, if every day is a slog that is quite an extreme situation.

2.3 years between mine... the first year is really hard. No point dressing it up. But the good days are brilliant. And now dd is 2.3 herself and ds 4.9 things are very different. I very nearly teared up this morning seeing dd and ds on the sofa watching Mike the Knight huddled together with their arms wrapped around each other. I feel very happy they will always have each other.

Bloody hard work, but lovely, really lovely.

You will feel guilty about not being 100% focused on your DD anymore, but when they start to develop a bond that guilt will go, because you will see how much you have given your DD.

Mine are 3.11 and 14 months now, and things are starting to get easier.