Publically humiliated! Toddler and newborn

[mummahubba]

I feel so humiliated!! Does this sound familiar to any of you mothers or am I just crap at this? I was out with toddler and newborn when toddler decided to run off so I had to keep on grabbing hold of him by his hood to keep him by me and he starts screaming and crying, one of the times I grabbed him he swung back around and banged his head on the pram :( Meanwhile baby starts screaming too, she is overtired and suddenly hungry. I finally coaxed toddler to sit on a bench with a biscuit and drink while I BF baby. Guess what? Toddler takes off again so I had to scoop boob back into bra, put screaming hysterical newborn back in pram and chase after toddler AGAIN. So now I had enough and frog marched back to the carpark where there are lots of people all now staring. I parked pram by car and put toddler in car and went back out to get newborn to see 2 old ladies peering in the pram and looking at me like I've abandoned her!!! I said how lovely to have an audience!!! How the hell else do I get them both in the effing car. Anyway, so I BF baby and toddler was strapped in.

Now here comes the most ridiculous bit because we had to get out of the car again to go to a hospital appointment. So out we go again. By this time I am practically in tears and am beyond furious with toddler. We start walking and baby continues to scream cos overtired and toddler starts to get upset again running along next to buggy. I see a church and think sod it it HAS to be quiet in there. We bundle into the foyer, 2 screaming kids and me almost on the edge of a sodding breakdown and the vicar (no I'm not making this up!!!) sticks his head out the door to see what the commotion is. Finally baby went to sleep, toddler on side, hugged and calmed down we made our way back out. We missed our hospital appointment. I feel shit! To my credit (I think) I didn't scream during any of this but used my most firm, 'do what I say or else voice' and there was a fair amount of grabbing hold. I just feel mortified by this whole episode and so upset. Am I a shit mum? This is new to me obviously with 2 and wondering if other mums have had experiences like this.

You are not a shit mum. My toddler was an escape artist ... and no baby to deal with at the same time. Answer was a very tough set of reins and a firm grip. There were times, I'll admit, when he looked like a marionette, dangling from the things, yelling, but it's better than getting stressed

If toddler can't walk nicely, they go in the buggy (put baby in a sling) or they wear reins. I had a 20month gap and found you have to have a firm plan of action

It will get easier. When you are very tired it all feels terrible but it was just a bad day. It doesn't mean you are a shit mum, you just had a shit day, happens to all of us sometimes.

It's not just you. This happens to the best of us. And it's certainly not helped by people stop and stare like its the most horrific thing in the world to have 2 children crying.
Take a deep breath and move on. Tomorrow is another day

I can reassure you its quite common - at least it was with me. We had a few episodes like that with my 2 when they were younger.
How old is your toddler? its likely that he is feeling jealous of the new baby and attention seeking - negative attention is better than no attention.

2.5 years and usually v.good at holding onto buggy. I tried a buggy board but he's such a big lad that if I ever took my hands off the buggy it would tip up (didn't seem very safe to me). He loves to walk and has loads of energy I like him to burn off so a double buggy won't work. Plus he's just a bit old to be sat in a buggy all the time. Thanks for reply!

Poor you, sounds like you've had a rotton day. You are not a shit Mum at all, you are doing your best. I've only got one of my own, but I've taken various combinations of nieces and nephews out at the same time so I can sympathise.

Like puddlejumper said, perhaps a buggy board or a double buggy would be an option so that the toddler doesn't get too worn out from walking.
Don't be hard on yourself, there's only so much you can do, keep your chin up.

sorry mummahubba, cross post.

EVERYONE has this. Sounds like you handled it well. Do not worry, anyone judging doesn't know or can't remember what it was like. Mine are 5 and 2 and I'm only just feeling past that stage.

Wrist strap or reins. Be kind to yourself. Do you have family or friends locally who would watch toddler while you have hospital apps etc? Assuming it wasn't for the toddler of course.

How about a toddler backpack with reins?

You are not alone - everybody has days like this with a toddler. Either you learn new ways of coping, or the toddler outgrows the phase, either way "this too shall pass".

sounds scarily familiar. I have a 21 month gap and DD is one now but I still think very carefully about what combination of single / double buggy / sling / trike / walking etc i might use depending on where we are going. At playgroup today, changing DD so DS decides to run outside into the car park - I race after him only to realise I have left DD on the changing table (about three feet off the ground) Just got to her before she rolled off, having grabbed DS. Toddlers just are not reliable enough to walk nicely holding the buggy so sometimes he has to go in it. You can weights to attach to the front of a buggy to hold it down with a buggy board on the back or a friend of mine recommended a wrist strap for the toddler.

My dd2 is four months and dd1 is 3.5. I think this has happened to all of us when you suddenly have 2. Cos the running off thing is normal and normally you just chase them but these are the crystallising moments where it dawns that you have two, each requiring attention and not knowing who comes first.

My dd when she wont do as shes told has one of those liter life back packs. And i resort to bribes, walk nicely behave and the best helpfulest big sister gets a treat at home.

I sometimes use a sling but had a c-sec and find it can hurt sometimes. I think I might have to get reins for these emergencies. Just feel so crap

You are not a shit Mum. We've all had days like this and it feels HORRIBLE. The only thing I can say is to take a deep breath and hope tomorrow is better.

Oh massive enormous sympathies. I had about three horrific days like this in the first year (and lots of slightly less horrific days), usually involving meltdown from DC1, overtired / hungry screaming from DC2 and the need to get from A to B. It is hell. Hell.

I very quickly learned the art of either feeding DC2 in the sling or of getting a breastfeeding cover and holding DC2 with one arm. Meant I could plug in, keep DC2 quiet and then just run after DC1. I got a P&T and used it the non-regulation way, so DC2 sits up front and DC1 hops in and out as needed (just be careful it doesn't tip backwards). Just meant that when DC1 was mid meltdown I had somewhere with restraints.

I also learned to allow lots of extra time to get anywhere, and if I drove, just driving a little bit further so that DC2 would have a nap, and making sure I had time to sit in the car / on a bench to feed DC2 at regular intervals and certainly before starting the next leg of a journey. For DC1 that meant biscuit-break and either playing on my phone or drawing on a scribble pad / stickers. Basically the journey became as important and as drawn out as the appointment I needed to get to IYSWIM.

That's all I can think of, but you're not alone. I clenched a little reading your post...

Oh poor you, second the buggy board idea, if have a 16 week old and a 3 year old who loves riding on the buggy board and she smiles and chats to her sister which keeps her quiet too.

For the running off part try this and you could pack some toddler activities (crayons, notebook, colouring book, usbourne sticker book, I spy game, food, small pack of dinosaurs in a bag, book) in the rucksack to keep him occupied while you sit and breastfeed.

Also invest in a sling, then you can be mobile with baby while playing with DS, I have even managed to breastfeed DD2 using the wrap sling whilst helping DD1 on climbing frame in playground. I have this one. It packs up small so I shove in the pram so that I can leave pram on the side and put baby in sling when we are at the playground.

It gets easier, remember DS will be acting out at the moment as he is not used to sharing your attention. Like everything else, it is a phase, repeat mantra: it will pass!

The first summer after DD1 was born (DD1 about 4 months and DS 2.2) I had quite a few days like that (sorry). The most public was a visit to a local farm. I was the one leaving carrying 2 screaming children with tears rolling down my face. What I decided was that each time it happened I'd look really carefully at what happened and what I could have done differently to make it a bit easier. After the farm visit, I always took the buggy with me and I bought a watch. (Don't ask - it was a long story with lots of screaming and crying.)

So you could just look back at today and work out what you could have done differently. It might be that there isn't anything, that it was just one of those days. If there isn't anything to learn, then just put it behind you. It happens to everyone, and anyone who says it never happens to them is lying!

I've had plenty of days like that, and worse!

I've just dragged an overtired pre-school child home through the park, sobbing most of the way and trying to climb into the buggy and chuck his 2yr old brother out.
I rarely use the brakes on the buggy so found the buggy rolling across the car park once while I was strapping toddler into car.
Plenty of times I've lost sight of at least one child in toddler group only to have him brought back, screaming and crying, by a fellow mum after he fell over somewhere while I was oblivious.
I had 3 under 3 so have had preschooler running round supermarket, toddler trying to climb out of trolley/grab everything out the trolley and baby trying to throw himself out of the sling while having a tantrum.

Well if you are a shit mum, please can you budge across on the bench so I can sit down and join you? Had my 6 week check for DS2 today - whilst the HV was here, Ds1 scribbled all over his chair, god knows why, he's never done it before, then he decided to play all his musical toys as loudly as possible so we couldn't hear each other, then I realised after she'd gone, that after taking DS2 off the scales, I'd put him back in the same dirty nappy that I'd just taken off, right in front of her.

Excellent.

I have days like this with DS, and I don't even have the newborn (yet--5 weeks to go!). Because of my PGP, I can't run after him, mostly just a slow waddle shouting various threats.

I've had to institute a firm 'hands or reigns' policy with him. We put the reigns on at the start of every outing, and if he holds my hand I don't use them (he hates them). The minute he starts to let go, I grab the reigns, repeat the 'hands or reigns?' mantra, and he usually goes back to holding my hand and staying near. It's taken a good month of being very consistent with this, and we still have the odd escape, but nowhere near as bad as it was for a while.

I've got him riding his buggy board already, even with an empty pushchair, just to get him used to it for when the baby comes. If you're having trouble with it tipping, maybe look at whether you've got it adjusted so the platform is flat? Or putting something in the basket to balance the weight a bit?

arrggh... 'reins' it should have read.

And also, if you're a shit mum, I will also join you on the bench. DS has said 'fuck's sake' and 'oh shit' in the last 24 hours.

I have 2DD, one is 5.5 and another 6months old. I used t have similar episodes on a daily basis until i starte3d using a double buggy. While i know the 2.5 year old needs to burn off the energy, I let her do that at home in the garden. When out and about she remains in the buggy.
For everyone's sanity, the buggy is the best place to be when out.

I'd best sit on the bench too, gonna need a bigger bench!!