Publically humiliated! Toddler and newborn

[mummahubba]

I feel so humiliated!! Does this sound familiar to any of you mothers or am I just crap at this? I was out with toddler and newborn when toddler decided to run off so I had to keep on grabbing hold of him by his hood to keep him by me and he starts screaming and crying, one of the times I grabbed him he swung back around and banged his head on the pram :( Meanwhile baby starts screaming too, she is overtired and suddenly hungry. I finally coaxed toddler to sit on a bench with a biscuit and drink while I BF baby. Guess what? Toddler takes off again so I had to scoop boob back into bra, put screaming hysterical newborn back in pram and chase after toddler AGAIN. So now I had enough and frog marched back to the carpark where there are lots of people all now staring. I parked pram by car and put toddler in car and went back out to get newborn to see 2 old ladies peering in the pram and looking at me like I've abandoned her!!! I said how lovely to have an audience!!! How the hell else do I get them both in the effing car. Anyway, so I BF baby and toddler was strapped in.

Now here comes the most ridiculous bit because we had to get out of the car again to go to a hospital appointment. So out we go again. By this time I am practically in tears and am beyond furious with toddler. We start walking and baby continues to scream cos overtired and toddler starts to get upset again running along next to buggy. I see a church and think sod it it HAS to be quiet in there. We bundle into the foyer, 2 screaming kids and me almost on the edge of a sodding breakdown and the vicar (no I'm not making this up!!!) sticks his head out the door to see what the commotion is. Finally baby went to sleep, toddler on side, hugged and calmed down we made our way back out. We missed our hospital appointment. I feel shit! To my credit (I think) I didn't scream during any of this but used my most firm, 'do what I say or else voice' and there was a fair amount of grabbing hold. I just feel mortified by this whole episode and so upset. Am I a shit mum? This is new to me obviously with 2 and wondering if other mums have had experiences like this.

You didn't scream but used 'firm' voice? And you're asking if you're a shit mum? Jeeeeeez, lady, you're some kind of supermum. So glad I'm past that stage now (and I only had one!).

I would have shouted, and possibly burst into tears. Not advocating it, just being honest. You did brilliantly.

My first thought was double buggy too! P&t type one so they can hop in and out when necessary, and atleast you have the option there of "if you dont walk nicely then go in the buggy"

You're not a crap mum, so don't be hard on yourself!
I have a 2.5 and he is almost always in the double buggy still, I just cant trust him not to run into the road especially with other dc to look after it makes it hard to keep your eye on all of them at all times, so sometimes go for the easier option.

I was out with him and my ds3 yesterday (10 months) with no buggy, ds2 kept running off and he didnt even have any shoes or socks on because he had jumped right into the water play in creche and got soaked! so had to tuck one child under each arm to keep them contained while waiting for our taxi

We have all been there from time to time with 2 or 3 little ones all crying at once or each making a scene or whatever else. For me I find the trick is stay calm, don't even let yourself care or worry if people are judging you or whatever else - if you do that it makes you feel anxious anyway and the children sense your weakness!! lol. You have to give out vibes of "I know what im doing" so that the kids know youre in charge and not to be messed with, and no well meaning strangers get the "good idea" of interfering

But seriously, your dc2 is newborn you are only just adapting, and you will be fine!!

Actually just remembered the first time i took out my ds1 and 2 when ds2 was newborn, it was awful!!!! I went to the library thinking that will be a nice simple trip, and it was a bit of a disaster I ended up crying and it really did not go well! but it got much much better, I think i just got used to it and it takes a lot more to phase me now

I would just put it behind you, try to forget about it and hopefully next time will go a lot smoother

BTW, this is not in anyway about you. It is not a reflection on your ability to parent, or on how much you love your DCs (or indeed a reflection on how much they love you). They didn't set out to humiliate you and no other parents seeing you struggle would think anything other than 'there but for the grace of god, go I'.

So please, please, please do not be hard on yourself and feel humiliated.
Your children were doing what children do. Your eldest was having a lovely game running around and being chased (young children simply don't have the intellectual or emotional ability to realise that other people may not be enjoying the game). You dealt with it all as best you could in a difficult situation. Be proud that you all got home in one piece. Give yourself a pat on the back for being brave enough to get out of the house, for remembering to take snacks for your DS, for BFing in public and for catching your DS before anything bad happened.

oh the didnt work!

I only have a 10 mo ds, but I'm currently 26 weeks pg with twins so am dreading this.

These are all really useful, I shall try to remember them. Thanks

All too familiar, OP. Here's my example of my very finest parenting moment...

DD1 (2.10) wearing JUST a pair of tights and shoes, (maybe a vest too? Can't quite remember, but it was October!) legging it while the pram with DD2 (4 weeks) was at the top of a very steep slope, me hollering like a loon as DD1 ran into the (thankfully very quiet and no cars) road, trying to catch her, slipping in the mud, she stands there and laughs, baby is screaming, concerned faces peering out of the nearby windows... you could see steam coming out of my ears I think!

In retrospect I can see that she was acting up following the arrival of her sister.

Have a and a ... it's not just you! x

Well I certainly need a space on the bench because I frequently have experiences like this and i only have one toddler and no newborn! (I'm not pregnant either)

I just tell myself anyone who has had children should understand when they see me gator wrestling my little darling. Anyone else can trot on thank you very much!

I do wonder if a double buggy might be good for you because you can let your toddler "toddle" along beside you, but if they do kick off you can bundle them in while you feed bubs or just breathe.

I also second the suggestion of back up when you have hospital appointments - I ALWAYS try to take someone with me if we have to go to outpatients in Aberdeen (60 miles away), because it's a nightmare on soooo many levels!!

Have a cuppa OP and relax - we're all in this together, believe me!!!

I recognise this. Baby and a toddler together is hard- it's nothing to do with being a good or a shit mum, just the logistical difficulties of only having one of you but two people who each need your full attention most of the time.
I was once at the park with baby and nearly two year old, park at bottom if long steep footpath down from car park. Started to pour with rain, toddler refused to leave park and I couldn't pick him up as had baby in sling. Had to pretty much pull him kicking and screaming all the way up the hill, everyone staring. Then at the top of the hill he managed to wriggle off and run all the way back down the hill to the park with me following, still in the pouring rain, no coats. Another perfect shiny mummy standing under umbrella with perfect shiny daughter watched the whole thing, smirked at me and said " you decided to come back to play then" with eyebrows raised. I cried when I got home that night.
You're not the only one this stuff happens to. This stage doesn't last for ever.
Chin up.

Big sympathies. I once, crying newborn in my arms, literally rugby tackled my toddler to the ground as she legged it out of a playground FULL of disapproving mothers. She was a bolter and I knew from bitter experience that if I didn't stop her immediately, I would not be able to catch up with her until she was half round the field. I felt like a very crap mother amongst all the raised eyebrows. I suspect most people who have a toddler and a baby have experienced moments like you had today. It does get better. Promise.

I'd say use reins all the time there is any danger, ie not in a building or a fenced in play park or where you need control of where he is. When I was a kid it was shoes on then reins on, I never protested it was as automatic as wearing a seat belt in a car.

Dd has just started walking so she's starting wearing reins now. Dc2 is due when she is 20 months and I expect her to be in reins all the time so I can keep control of everything.

Oh bless you, sounds awful! I can't offer mcuh advice as I struggle with just the toddler! We do have reins for him though and they are great. Or maybe one of those push along bike thingies? It'll get better, chin up.

Thank god for mumsnet.

DD is only two weeks old. My worst morning so far was in the first week when the MW came over with her student. I literally could not stop crying, I was so tired and emotional and wrought about feeding issues. My hair was still wet from the shower and wouldn't stay out of my face and I had to keep clawing it back like a crazy woman, DS was naked (complete with eczema scabs/scarring from his most recent infected flare up), DD needed changing and I was trying to do this through the hair and the tears while the MW kept saying 'oops she's put her foot in it' while I sobbed harder. The house looked like we'd been burgled and DH thought they were going to call social services.

I haven't been brave enough to take the two of them out by myself yet, so you're a massive mummy step ahead of me.

We're going to need a bloody big bench

Not being funny ladies but I don't think any of you belong on it. You're not shit mums. Plus I don't think any of us have the luxury of being able to sit down!

AND the apostrophe might be in the wrong place but I still think I've made my point.

Sounds completely, everyday normal IME .

I ended up keeping the phil & teds until DS was 4.6 and DD was 2.8 as it meant he could hop in and out when we were in a rush. It took the pressure off and meant I could speed along when we needed to be somewhere / I was tired or he was mucking about.

I have a very 'high energy' toddler too, I could not go anywhere for a long journey without the double buggy to strap her into in case of a meltdown. She walks 99% of the time but I just need it for that 1% when I can't easily get her to do what I need her to do.

I think we should use the bench to tie the toddlers to! OP, I just wanted to come back on and say the P&T buggies are great but they are expensive. I have a Cossato twin that was about £160 new and is perfectly adequate for round town etc (in fact, we took it to Menorca when DD was 10 weeks old and she slept in it every night cos she didn't like the cot). Thing is, even if they are absolutely going crazy, at least they are contained and safe. Also, DS has had 150% more snacks since his sister came along - a pack of raisins and some bubble mixture has saved my life on many occasions. Luckysocks did not the MW or student give you any sort of a hand?? That's the kind of thing that really annoys me, when people who COULD help, stand by and watch. Also OP, (and I might get flamed here) but I have on many occasions left one of mine on the car for a couple of minutes rather than getting them both out if it made things easier x

Well now that Foshizzle has kicked the bench over, I've nowhere to lay out the and choccy biccies I was going to bring to the thread.

Fancy repairing to a local hostelry instead for a few ?

Wish there was a gin symbol.

I would love to tie DS to the bench, but I'm sure he would find a way to escape. Yesterday he climbed on something (haven't worked out what yet) to get my keys, then managed to find the correct key to the front door (out of 4), AND got it open. He could have been halfway down the street if it weren't for the fact that he was so proud of himself and said loudly 'I open the door! I did it!'.

The key hooks are going to have to be moved even higher now, I won't be able to relax otherwise.

Big hugs to you, OP

I would get a double buggy until your toddler learns to behave whilst out and about. My three year old DS has a habit of running off but I have a zero tolerance policy and he goes straight in the buggy if he does so. He still does do it but less often than he did before.

Just wanted to reinforce what everyone's saying - it's not you it's just a fricking nightmare. I know I had many, many days like this but can't be specific because I think I've blocked them out due to the trauma of it!

In the end I caved and bought a (cheap, second hand) p&t when DD2 was 6 mo (so dd1 2.2) and it made things SO much easier. They only have to go in it if you really need them to.

p.s. DD1 is now 3 and a half and she still sometimes gets strapped in the buggy if she's being a pain in the arse and I need to be somewhere/ leave somewhere quickly!

Reins worked for us.

I couldn't have survived the first 6 months or so without a double buggy - the Ability to put them in and know they caln't get into mischief was beyond any price, second hand on eBay you can pick them up for not too much. It does get easier in time I promise! Xx

I am going to have a 23 month gap and I am going to get reins, despite knowing this casts me into the MN parenting wilderness.

Better than DS (aka "the Bolter") ending up plummetting head first down an escalator (current fascination)