Publically humiliated! Toddler and newborn

[mummahubba]

I feel so humiliated!! Does this sound familiar to any of you mothers or am I just crap at this? I was out with toddler and newborn when toddler decided to run off so I had to keep on grabbing hold of him by his hood to keep him by me and he starts screaming and crying, one of the times I grabbed him he swung back around and banged his head on the pram :( Meanwhile baby starts screaming too, she is overtired and suddenly hungry. I finally coaxed toddler to sit on a bench with a biscuit and drink while I BF baby. Guess what? Toddler takes off again so I had to scoop boob back into bra, put screaming hysterical newborn back in pram and chase after toddler AGAIN. So now I had enough and frog marched back to the carpark where there are lots of people all now staring. I parked pram by car and put toddler in car and went back out to get newborn to see 2 old ladies peering in the pram and looking at me like I've abandoned her!!! I said how lovely to have an audience!!! How the hell else do I get them both in the effing car. Anyway, so I BF baby and toddler was strapped in.

Now here comes the most ridiculous bit because we had to get out of the car again to go to a hospital appointment. So out we go again. By this time I am practically in tears and am beyond furious with toddler. We start walking and baby continues to scream cos overtired and toddler starts to get upset again running along next to buggy. I see a church and think sod it it HAS to be quiet in there. We bundle into the foyer, 2 screaming kids and me almost on the edge of a sodding breakdown and the vicar (no I'm not making this up!!!) sticks his head out the door to see what the commotion is. Finally baby went to sleep, toddler on side, hugged and calmed down we made our way back out. We missed our hospital appointment. I feel shit! To my credit (I think) I didn't scream during any of this but used my most firm, 'do what I say or else voice' and there was a fair amount of grabbing hold. I just feel mortified by this whole episode and so upset. Am I a shit mum? This is new to me obviously with 2 and wondering if other mums have had experiences like this.

Been there, feel your pain! I have a 16 month gap then an 18 month gap. I could not have survived without the double buggy as my dc1 is a serious bolter. Still is, so now with our newborn I have the smallest two in the double and dc1 (age 3) on a buggy board at the bakc, or walking alongside and I have a wrist strap that she gets attached to if she tries to make a run for it!

We all have dayslike that, youre not alone!

Reins never worked for me-DS2 used to act up something rotten. I needed the double to strap him in if he was being a monster!!! In fact I used it right up til he was 3.2. I found that using a sling made me feel vulnerable as I couldn't deal with the toddler properly. File if I had backup that day but def not if I was solo! It's a crazy juggling act but will get better....

I should add- I used a double AND reins. Not just reins and a sling....no no no no no! I had 2 feisty little boys and needed all my wits about me and the security of the double to strap them into if needed!! Safest for all including my sanity

Oh crap cairnterrier I didn't see the advance of luxury food items. Mind you I reckon my coffee cup holder on my pram would take the gin bottle so we could swig on the move if required!!!

Yes I do think a cheap, secondhand double plus reins covers all bases. I also kept a sling in the bottom of the pram for those times where I needed to feed and walk. Also somewhere good to put shopping when DC1 wanted to walk.

Haven't read whole thread but you post brought memories flooding back, OP. Bad ones. You have my sympathy.

I resorted to double buggy (we got a cheap second hand one), or buggy and sling, or a wrist strap (or all the above). And I tried to go places that if DD ran off she had nowhere dangerous to go (so she could get the running off thing out of her system a bit). It will pass. And now my DCs are such good friends that I'm glad for the close gap in age.

Aww bless you!!

Not shit - probably superhuman in fact . My heart goes out to women who are either heavily pg or with newborn and toddler in tow. Let's face it, toddlers can be adorable but they are from another planet. I vaguely remember those days - scraggy, knackered, leaking boobs, food-stained clothes and a hazy grasp on reality. Tis hard.

Glad you had a vent and another for you.

Un-MN wotsits too!!

Definitely double buggy.

You'll laugh about it one day!
My parenting low point was at the 18 month check with HV. DS ripped up the book she was showing him (she'd asked him to turn the pages) and threw all the blocks at her rather than stack them. Meanwhile his twin was trying to put her keys into the electric sockets.

Get some reins, usually just the threat of putting them on, got mine to behave.

Thank you so much everyone!! I feel much better and have had a bit of a laugh at some of your stories and have even managed a wry grin at my own. I'm looking at phil and teds buggys and have bought some reins, I'll get the hang of this!! Toddler being an angel today and newborn slept most of the morning and I made a lovely lunch and now both are asleep, today I'm a bloody great mum!!!! Ha ha let's get a great mum bench!

Thats the thing isn't it?

Yesterday was hard but todays great,

Ah the joys of being a mummy!

my 2.9 year old escaped for the first time this morning while I was getting his baby brother into the pram. I felt like such an idiot running after him in the pissing rain. :(

It was just luck there was another mum there to watch DS2, while i retreived DS1 in the time honoured rolled up carpet under the arm fashion.

he'd gone the opposite way from the road and was safe enough, but I felt stupid and shaky and upset for ages. reins being attached to pram next time...

he's usually pretty good so caught me off guard - not used to handling two yet!

Well, I went out for my first solo outing with my two this afternoon.

It was a bit of a job getting out of the house because we'd had friends round in the morning, so after all the feeding and changing I made DS help me tidy up a little bit (house was in chaos) while DD cried trying to get to sleep in the car seat and it was all a bit... tense.

We did get out eventually and drove to the park where you can also watch the trains (DS heaven).

Plan: train spotting in the car so I could feed DD again if necessary. V short walk to the ducks with DD in sling. Walk back, as train spotting is a reliable bribe to get DS moving. All back into car and home to gloat.

Reality: train spotting in car while watching advancing black cloud. While still weighing up whether any point at all in getting set up for walk, rain started. Rain became torrential. Went for a drive and both children fell asleep. Back home for cake.

So I can't say it was a successful trip out exactly, but I'm having a very civilised hour! We'll try again next week....

So glad that you've had a better day today, mummahubba

Completely normal. Thank god they grow up!

I kept my toddler on reins. Heck I used to keep them on him to use his scooter. Screaming babies always sound worse to you than others and old ladies/vicars are automatically drawn to babies/commotion and it's no judgement on you.

It will get better.

I'm glad you've come round to the double buggy idea at 2.5 it really is the best plan. Buggy boards dont tip buggy cos they have their own wheels but they are freaking useless for containment. My two are 5 months and 3.2. I only dont have a double buggy because if I have 'high risk' outings I do them on the days dd1 is in nursery or leave dd2 with dh who works from home. The thought of dd2 loose with me holding buggy crossing busy road makes me feel ill (she is a slowly-reforming runner offer but I still dont trust her 100%).

As others have said I really do think this is very normal, your story brings back so many memories! I have 24 months between DC1 & DC2 and 26 months between DC2 & DC3. I seemed to spend my whole life running after errant toddler whilst trying to bf baby and not shout / burst into tears! I would really really recommend you try and use the sling more. I saw you said you had a CS - so did I for all mine and honestly within a very short time - maybe another week or so, you will be fine using the sling for the baby (even you find it a bit uncomfortable right now). The difference it made being able to be out and about and run after the toddler without messing around with the buggy was huge. Just to be able to lift in and out of swings and chase after them, hold hands etc made everything a million times easier. Also you tend to get slightly less of the screaming baby in the buggy thing to drive you crazy as they do tend to cry less in swing than buggy.

Re the double buggy - it depends on how good a walker your DS is but I never found that I needed a double - my children were pretty reliable walkers and simply didn't need to go in a buggy much after two ish. If I did need the toddler in the buggy I used the sling / buggy combo with the baby in sling and toddler in buggy, but not that often.

Also - don't assume that everyone who is looking at you is judging you, the vast majority are wishing only that they could help or reassure you but don't want to interfere, maybe they remember going through the same themselves. I went through this and then after a while instead of feeling humiliated / embarrassed and upset and turning away I would let myself catch someone's eye or give a wry smile and suddenly people would open up and smile, or make some little comment like 'Oh I remember those days well' or tell me not to worry as it gets better etc

Poor you

(& buy a sling - you masochistic )

The vicar chose to call in out of the blue (we'd been to church a handful of times so didn't think I was even on his radar) when dc1 was naked,was scrubbing the carpet after a nappy 'incident', all my expressing paraphernalia was in the living room and the house looking like a complete bombsite. I was so so embarrassed. I have also left a pub lunch utterly humiliated by a tantruming dc.

You did really well OP

THIS is why I love Mumsnet so much.
OP - you did really well, I hope you can see that now that you've had a better day.

I've got a DS who's 2,7 and a DD who is 4 months.

Absolutely couldn't cope without a double buggy and a sling (that I can BF in!). And when I say "cope" I mean manage physically. Because after 4 months, an outing on my own with the two children still makes me a nervous wreck on the inside.

I've had more than my fair share of disasters, including one where I left a crying DD in her carseat next to my car in a parking lot while I ran as fast as I could (knackered pelvis) to catch DS who'd bolted and was running through the car park with one welly and one sockless foot... I caught him about 3 feet before he reached the road, and a car was seconds from flying around the corner.

It still makes my blood run cold to think what could've happened to either one of them.

Must say DS is obviously getting used to having a sister (or maybe he's just growing up) as he's been pretty good recently.

You know what? I bet that to an outsider, you looked like a really calm and collected mother-of-two... And that's how your DCs will have seen you too.

Reins . The little rucksack ones are good. Walking will wear him out

There is a 2.5yr gap between mine and i had a double buggy, we bought a v cheap one and only used it for the firat 6 mths as ds1 was a good walker BUT it was a god send for tierd toddlers and time out enforcement!! after that, ds 2 was in a buggy, not a big pram, and ds1 knew the rules about walking and holding the buggy meant going in the buggy if broken ( which he hated!!) .
THis TOO SHALL PASS!!!!!

your post made me smile...it's all so familiar. I have 4 aged 6 and under and this is quite typical for me. Yes it really did stress me with DS1 and 2 but now I am immune to it and I have given up caring about the stares and the comments. In most instances I think folk are very understanding - if they've had kids, they have been there.

TBH if everyone returns home with all their digits in place then we've had a good day. DS1 turned into a total nightmare when DS2 was about 4 months (he was 2.4). It was like he could sense my anxiety and played upon it with huge tantrums. Went on for 4 months.

The other day I was in a shoe shop with all 4 trying to pay. DS4 (7m) was on the counter sort of propped up against my shoulder screaming, DS2 (3) was trying on heels, DS3 (2 YO) was trying to run out the huge doors wide open into the retail park car park so I had to order DS1 (aged 5) to rugby tackle and sit on him until I had finished paying which he sreamed throughout. I know everyone was looking at me but TBH I don't give a fuck anymore. DS1 sitting on DS3 to stop him from running of is quite standard for us now.

dont fret, everyone who has been in your position has sympathy for you and doesnt judge you at all.

those who havent been in your position cant understand, but that means that thier opionion isnt worth freting over because tehy dont have enought infromation on whcih to base thier opionion.

it does get bertter, you'll see

Sorry - haven't read the whole thread but we used a little back pack with a detachable rein. Found it easier to 'sell' it to the toddler than ordinary reins. Ours is a bumble bee one, I've seen frogs, cows, ladybirds etc.

You're doing loads better than I did: at first when they cried simultaneously I went into a sort of paralysis.

Use reins for the toddler until they behave whilst out. You are not a bad mother, things get very stressful but things will get better.

Not read the whole thread. Just wanted to add that I have advanced level handling and restraint training (for work) and still sometimes struggle to make my toddler go anywhere with me (and I thank god do not have another child to deal with).

If I use a 'single elbow' (work jargon for firm grip on arm) and walk purposefully he tends to drop to the floor. If I put him in reins and walk purposefully he tends to drop to the floor screaming. If I put him in the buggy he extricates himself from the arm straps and dangles his whole torso over the edge waggling and screaming. We developed a technique of crossing his buggy straps over so he can't take them off. He screamed so much he was sick.

I attracted a crowd of three old ladies outside Boots this week all asking me if I needed help.

He is honestly delightful and a great communicator as long as I don't try to do any toddler-unfriendly errands any time after about 2pm.

Breathe and . You are not alone.