Publically humiliated! Toddler and newborn

[mummahubba]

I feel so humiliated!! Does this sound familiar to any of you mothers or am I just crap at this? I was out with toddler and newborn when toddler decided to run off so I had to keep on grabbing hold of him by his hood to keep him by me and he starts screaming and crying, one of the times I grabbed him he swung back around and banged his head on the pram :( Meanwhile baby starts screaming too, she is overtired and suddenly hungry. I finally coaxed toddler to sit on a bench with a biscuit and drink while I BF baby. Guess what? Toddler takes off again so I had to scoop boob back into bra, put screaming hysterical newborn back in pram and chase after toddler AGAIN. So now I had enough and frog marched back to the carpark where there are lots of people all now staring. I parked pram by car and put toddler in car and went back out to get newborn to see 2 old ladies peering in the pram and looking at me like I've abandoned her!!! I said how lovely to have an audience!!! How the hell else do I get them both in the effing car. Anyway, so I BF baby and toddler was strapped in.

Now here comes the most ridiculous bit because we had to get out of the car again to go to a hospital appointment. So out we go again. By this time I am practically in tears and am beyond furious with toddler. We start walking and baby continues to scream cos overtired and toddler starts to get upset again running along next to buggy. I see a church and think sod it it HAS to be quiet in there. We bundle into the foyer, 2 screaming kids and me almost on the edge of a sodding breakdown and the vicar (no I'm not making this up!!!) sticks his head out the door to see what the commotion is. Finally baby went to sleep, toddler on side, hugged and calmed down we made our way back out. We missed our hospital appointment. I feel shit! To my credit (I think) I didn't scream during any of this but used my most firm, 'do what I say or else voice' and there was a fair amount of grabbing hold. I just feel mortified by this whole episode and so upset. Am I a shit mum? This is new to me obviously with 2 and wondering if other mums have had experiences like this.

I have lots of sympathy. My DS1 was (still is at 6!!) a runner and I had more outings than I care to remember like the one you described. He hated the buggy by the time DS2 was a few months old, so that was my go-to threat. If he didn't behave or if he ran off, he went straight in the buggy. It was easier to carry a newborn (I usually had a sling for this) and push a toddler than run after a toddler with a newborn in the buggy.

I have a newborn and a 21 month old... I use reins, and they work absolutely great. We tried a range of options including buggy board and sling but reins are by far the best, and it encourages him to hold on to the buggy too

This reminded me of the first day of our holiday when dd1 was 5 and dd2 was 2 (it was her birthday in fact). We arrived on the beach all happy and excited, girls looking gorgeous. Sent dh off for fish and chips.

Dd1 took off and ran into the sea, and it was very very deep and I am scared of water. I had no option but to run after her but what to do with dd2 who was a late walker, had to leave her sitting there and was about to yell at some startled members of the public to please watch her and not kidnap her!

Thankfully I managed to grab dd1 no harm done. Dh returned and I was hysterical. Needed wine not chips.

Hi, I have only skimmed this thread, but I am also going to suggest a double buggy. I have Ds1 who turns 3 next month and DS2 who is 4 months. I rarely force DS1 to sit in the buggy, he usually chooses to walk when we leave the house, but when he gets tired it is always there as an option for him (so he doesn't get so tired there is a melt down moment). In the event of a situation as the one you have described, it can also be used as a temporary restraint, to give you a chance to get back in control of the situation and give you a break, I find with my DS, being pushed around for a little bit he will calm down.

If your out and about with 2.5 and baby in pushchair and really really stuck (at the point of dragging one along), stop, put brake on buggy, face toddler bend down hold arms very firmly and say "If you don't walk nicely right NOW I will carry you like a baby" - child will obviously ignore you, at which point you pick him up, tip him slightly onto your left shoulder, right arm between his legs pinning his frount to your boobs, flick buggy brake off, clasp his kicking right leg with yoiur left hand and move forward by bumping the buggy with his bum.
You will progress very slowly, he either calm down and can be returned to the floor for walking, or you can uncerimoniously drop him a bit, onto a bench if available, if not the floor, then repeat whole thing till he behaves.

Poor you. Normal. Our frint door has 40 steps up to it.......first time I left house with my newborn and 2.5 year old my ds refused to hold my mum,s hand and my hands were full with baby and stuff.......then at the bottom he refused to get in the car and I was so worried about the road I literally grabbed him, ripped the DVD he had somehow picked up in his hand and threw it in the car along with him. My mum said.....mmmmmm I don,t envy you you have your hands full with this one........I also screamed get in the car at the top of my voice....I was livid. There is something about the scrutiny of an audience that makes those moments that bit more painful and you feel so bad afterwards but along as no one is harmed, learn from it and move forward. I never have my hands full any more but we still have some days when just getting into our house is very trying. We pay for our view.toddlers can just really push you like no one.But they are just being little developing people.

Great advice here. :)

Am expecting DC2 soon - DS will be about 2.9. I've had PGP/SPD and was adamant that we must have a double buggy! We bought an old but totally useable P&T for £135 with all the bits from ebay. My friend got a double umbrella style which is fine too for about £30. DS isn't much of a bolter but gets tired walking and there's no way I'm carrying him!

You sound like a great Mum keep it up :)

just wanted to say (unhelpfully, sorry) that I smiled at your post, only because it made me think "thank god, it's not just me". I would have shouted though. You are very restrained. We're all in it together, I promise. Good luck. It's tough and I'm sure you're doing a great job.

I got a wrap for this exact reason! Much easier to run when you dont have a buggy. You're not a shit mum at all. Every parent will have had a day like this and every person was a toddler and misbehaved sometimes. As horrendous as it feels at the time, it really isn't. I'm sure you're doing a great job!

We all have days like this. I see you've had lots of support upthread so I won't repeat (although I agree with the supportive stuff)!!!

What I would say that you seem to be over burdened with what other people may think of you. I too have suffered from similar feelings in the past so I get it. But, when you're feeling better try and have a look at what happened today from a more objective perspective.

The 2 old ladies were probably looking at the baby because a baby is a lovely thing to look at. Most old ladies have a life times experience of parenting, and so will share empathy with you.

If people stare at you and your screaming children it's not because they judge you, but because it is normal for people to look up at a sudden or loud noise. Most parents have been there (as you can see from the thread). If a toddler and baby were screaming hysterically in the supermarket I would look up at them too, it's human nature, but I wouldn't be judging you one bit.

The vicar didn't think you were a twat. He simply heard crying in his church, and came to check all was well.

If you try and picture the world as a friendly place rather than a hostile place it makes moments like these easier to deal with.

hope i don't sound preachy! I have had pnd and know what it's like to feel like this.

Go easy on yourself x

You didn't scream, you didn't slap. Nobody got lost, injured or run over.
Some days that counts as gold star parenting.
Tomorrow will be another day.

My time at that stage is long behind me, but I remember many times bundling up DD under one arm like a rolled up carpet, and on one memorable occasion having to carry her into Sainsburys to have her tantrum in the warm because if we stayed outside in the street DS would have got frostbite before DD stopped screaming.

Just wanted to say you're def not alone here. I have a 2.5 yr old and a 9 mth old. I'm just potty training the 2.5 yr old and visited my local library the other day. 2.5 yr old had an accident in the library all over the floor in front of a few other mums. It wasn't the accident that bothered me but the way I handled it! I'd been chatting to some other mums and someone from Surestart. I saw that he was weeing and raced over to him having dumped my little one on the floor. I panicked as I'd not got the potty to hand. The girl from Surestart centre got the library staff to open the staff loos for us. I left my 2.5 yr old for a second while I raced to the pushchair for the potty (don't even know why I was after the potty as it was clearly too late!!)which was at the other end of the library. I raced back blatantly flustered and panicky with the 2.5 yr old screaming like mad cos he'd got wet trousers and just wanted me to pick him up. I then took my by now screaming and crying toddler into the staff loos leaving my 9 month old with the other mum who I recognised from a toddler group but didn't really know at all. it didn't end there because on the way out of the toilet my 2.5 yr old managed to trap his fingers in the toilet door! Cue understandably, more crying. I returned from the toilets with a very upset toddler to the other mum who had kindly looked after my 9 mth old while all this was going on. I felt like I was a panicky over flustered idiot and the Surestart lady confirmed this when she asked "is there always this much panic over the potty training?". I just find it really hard during this potty training process to actually physically handle both children when out and about - I simply don't have enough hands to be getting my 2.5 yr old quickly onto the potty whilst also holding my very heavy 9 mth old.