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Original poster

'SAHMS' that have full time childcare or help - a fantastic liberation or downright lazy?

906 replies

Enid · 21/02/2006 09:51

There are lots of mothers down here in Dorset who are (or whose husbands are) well off enough to afford NOT to work. I know a few and they all have full time aupairs or nannies. One of them has TWO nannies - one for each of her children.

It seems to be a matter of pride that you always take the nanny/au pair on holiday to help with your children. Also that the nanny/au pair takes the children to clubs and activities.

OK - I think it is outrageously lazy (and so does dh). What do you think?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
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hunkermunker · 22/02/2006 09:48

Oh, EPIS, I have an inner millionaire too!

Also an inner award-winning novelist...

WideWebWitch · 22/02/2006 09:48

Oi enid, have you seen my link? Did it make you larf? don't get stroppy, you're not are you? I'm not Chippy, I'm LAZY!

Milge · 22/02/2006 09:49

To get back onto the subject Enid, 2 nannies for 2 children and a mother who doesn't work outside the home, is lazy. One nanny for 2 children plus, and a SAHM is one very lucky lady. A nanny/aupair for 2 children plus, especially when they are older and may attend different schools in diametrically opposite directions makes life so much easier.

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pouchofdouglas · 22/02/2006 09:49

Message withdrawn

expatinscotland · 22/02/2006 09:50

no it doesn't, hunker. apparently, reading books and magazines qualifies as idle. and w/my penchant for crosswords and sudoku i'm sure i can take laziness to new extremes.

i climbed w/a fella who could happily nest in a storm-bound tent for days. when people expressed amazement, he'd reply, 'i was in the army for 8 years, i'm a virtuoso at wasting time.'

lockets · 22/02/2006 09:51

This reply has been deleted

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mummycan · 22/02/2006 09:51

Haven't read all of this thread so apologies if it's already been said - but why is it anybody else's business? If they can afford it and they want nannies etc why not - we don't judge women who go to work when they can afford not to - we agree that they want some time away from their children - don't judge - you do not live their lives - and we are all all different. What happened to live and let live?

WideWebWitch · 22/02/2006 09:51

Can I also make the point that working for a big business could be construed as not exactly useful?

pouchofdouglas · 22/02/2006 09:51

Message withdrawn

nailpolish · 22/02/2006 09:52

this is my favourite thread ever on mn

im even seriously interested in acquiring a copy of oprahs mag

pouchofdouglas · 22/02/2006 09:52

Message withdrawn

Issymum · 22/02/2006 09:54

Enid: Why do I care? I don't really. It's just such a beguiling thread with its mix of class warfare, the proper role of a mother and a classic undercurrent of WOHM v SAHM. That WOHM/SAHM conflict is indirect and inadvertent but what informs this thread is that delegating chunks of childcare to a nanny is fundamentally a Bad Thing and therefore only acceptable if there is no reasonable alternative.

expatinscotland · 22/02/2006 09:54

'Multi-tasking' as a badge of honour. Ah, the 'virtue' of efficiency. Yawn! This whole thread is getting WAY too American for me. Giving me nightmares.

pouchofdouglas · 22/02/2006 09:54

Message withdrawn

lockets · 22/02/2006 09:55

This reply has been deleted

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expatinscotland · 22/02/2006 09:56

Yes, all whilst looking after both kids and inviting an extra one over, just for the virtue in it, and whilst I'm baking I'll be working in some isometric exercises, so not a moment is wasted. I'll have Frank Sinatra on in the background singing 'I did it my way . . . '

Enif · 22/02/2006 09:56

"what informs this thread is that delegating chunks of childcare to a nanny is fundamentally a Bad Thing and therefore only acceptable if there is no reasonable alternative. "

oh. I see. Well I didnt really mean it like that. More that I would go beserk if I had nothing to do all day. But as we have established I am joyless puritan so thats another mystery solved.

pouchofdouglas · 22/02/2006 09:57

Message withdrawn

expatinscotland · 22/02/2006 09:57

When I think 'bathtime' I envision loads of Diptyque and Hotels Costes candles burning and the scent of Jo Malone bath oil.

nailpolish · 22/02/2006 09:57

you should all come and live in my town

there is one high st with every kind of shop you would need, plus the one primary school and one high school is there too. even the playgroup and the library with the soft play area and expresso machine

so one bus journey (buses have space for 3 buggies ) costing 50p, 10 mins, would take you as far as you need. or you could park your car in the free car park, where there are lots of spaces at all times

so no racing around to different schools at far flung corners, it easy-peasy

iota · 22/02/2006 09:57

W. H. Davies
Leisure
WHAT is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare??

No time to stand beneath the boughs,
And stare as long as sheep and cows:

No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass:

No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night:

No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance:

No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began?

A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

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About the poet
W. H. Davies

By the same poet
Money, O!

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expectingsummerihope · 22/02/2006 09:58

on that note I have to say that the idea of a bit of a break now and then sounds heavenly. Can I also come to harvey nics please. Never been and have always fancied the idea. Having read all of the thread I agree with those who say it's not easy to judge when you don't have all the facts. I am off sick from work today and ds is at nursery and I actually feel sooooo grateful as it's bloody awful being sick and looking after young children. So it would be nice to be able to call on someone who could look after him on the days he's not at nursery so that I could cough & splutter indulgently in bed. Mama3 it seems I don't have your permission to work full time (you said part time is ok)? Glad you can afford to SAH (and by that I mean pay the utility bills, food shopping and clothes for your children). btw I work but my arse is getting a wee bit fat (no time to go to the gym . As for me time - what is it? Have a vague recollection of such when I was thin and trendy (sigh).Actually what would be even better is us time (me & dh). Ds is 19 mo and we've only been out on our own 5 times . Reason? Find it hard to ask relatives/friends yet don't know how to find trustworthy babysitter.

Issymum · 22/02/2006 09:59

"Can I also make the point that working for a big business could be construed as not exactly useful?"

Yes and no. In a capitalist economy, big business generates a huge part of the government's tax revenues (through VAT on its goods and services, direct Corporation Tax and Income Tax paid by its employees), which in turn pays for the things we might see as really useful.

And Dorset-nanny-mothers have a vital role to play in consuming as much as possible of the output of big businesses!

Enif · 22/02/2006 09:59

No time to stand beneath the boughs,
And stare as long as sheep and cows:

yes, if you are clinically depressed

Bozza · 22/02/2006 09:59

I'm sorry lockets. I didn't mean to upset you. Just suggesting that it might be more difficult without a supportive DH on the scene. For all I know I've got it wrong and he's not there at that time.