'SAHMS' that have full time childcare or help - a fantastic liberation or downright lazy?

[Enid]

There are lots of mothers down here in Dorset who are (or whose husbands are) well off enough to afford NOT to work. I know a few and they all have full time aupairs or nannies. One of them has TWO nannies - one for each of her children.

It seems to be a matter of pride that you always take the nanny/au pair on holiday to help with your children. Also that the nanny/au pair takes the children to clubs and activities.

OK - I think it is outrageously lazy (and so does dh). What do you think?

well I love doing all those things too www.

(I'm lucky about the art galleries as I get to do that for work )

but I really don't enjoy it unless I feel I have deserved it - THATs a work ethic for you

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I am going to pay dd1 to look after dd2 when the baby is born

True enid, true! Whereas I don't feel I have to earn it at all, I just want it and want it now, being an instant gratification type. I so should have been born wealthy, I am so good at being idle.

Bozza

The problem she had was that the 2.5 yr old had a lot further to go than the 3.5 year old (complicated nursery problems - too boring to go into here) and although the 3.5 year old did walk the 2.5 year old found it difficult to stay on the buggy board the whole way so needed a space in the buggy. I have a feeling that the ages may not be exact here as her twins were born when the oldest was just turned 3 so the second was nearer 2 than 2.5.

Anyway - regardless I have always been of the lazy brigade myself (hence the name) and see no problem in offloading ds with anyone who would have him for an hour or two so I can have a cup of coffee and read a magazine and shock horror I only have one!!

If I had more than one and could afford help I'd certainly get it. I don't particularly like having people living in my house so the trade-off would be - 'is the disturbance worth it?' and I feel the more children I had the more worth it, it would be.

even yo cod had help????

Actually i do look back in and shudder at those times.

perhpas if i had a gina baby everything might have been perfect

I am SUCH a puritan

hence no waste in my kitchen

god I am boring

So in summary, leaving your children full-time with a nanny is morally acceptable and undamaging to your children provided provided that the alternative is financial destitution. It is probably equally acceptable and undamaging if you are Making A Contribution To Society. However, leaving your children full-time with a nanny so that you can earn enough to buy Luxuries (definition dependent on viewpoint of writer) or enjoy the intellectual challenge of a career, is morally suspect and may be damaging to the children but we can't be too firm on that point as we all know that it will end up in a catfight. And leaving your children full-time with a nanny so that you can pursue your own interests is both damaging to your children and morally depraved.

Seems logically and philosophically cogent to me.

Lockets, of course it's do-able. My mum did it.

Mind you, I'm the oldest and look how I turned out.

Still don't want help, eh?

issymum

you are bonkers as you work VERY full time and yet you have taken up the Dorset Nanny Cause as your own

was smiling to myself about that last night

Why do you care??

Agree www. DS1's school bus pick up started 2 days after I had ds3, I was soooo pleased not to have to do the school and nursery run with two other kids (even though iwas allowed to park in the school car park- which made it easier!) I quite often walk out to the bus with my pyjamas on .

Lockets it doesn't bother me whether you have help or not, or whether you spend every waking moment with your children until they're 21.If I met you and you were looking harrassed and stressed I would suggest you thoguht about getting some help from somewhere, if you weren't it wouldn't occur to me to even wonder whether you had it or not.. I was just trying to say that some combinations of ages/children/family circumstances make help a necessity. I used to say (I've said it on here in the past) that I didn't want any help. For a year I refused to contact SS when people suggested to me that I ask for direct payments because I didn't want any help. That changed as ds1 and ds2 got older and when I was pregnant with ds3 I realised I would need it. Of course it's taken over a year to set up but we're getting there.

A lot of people who say they don't have help put kids into playschemes, art classes, ballet or whatever, which I count as time out anyway. It seems on mnet its OK to put a child into a class to do some shopping to have a coffee, but not pay someone to come into your home every now and then.

personally would LOVE to have more help, not cut out for being a martyr to my children, find much of my daily life boring and dreary and so if I could would outsource the worst bits so that I do the interesting stuff with my kids for their benefit as well as my sanity! Also have noticed (being new to the juggling act of having 2 kids) that the more I do, the more dh thinks I can cope and therefore he does LESS! This makes me feel like I'm being taken for granted by all the family - yet if we pay someone to do jobs such as cleaning/ironing/babysitting suddenly more of a value is placed on what I do for free!

enid the puritan and www sipping a cocktail while nanny does the school run

lockets, i am not saying you shoudl or should not. I don't give a monkeys. HOwever, I find it slightly narrow minded to be closed to other options before yo have experienced the situation.

This can lead to a situation where you refuse to ask for help even though you may need it.

Oh I'm like that too Enif. I blame my Mum - all that finish your meal stuff. I feel forced to eat the kid's leftovers. And am extremely organised with the shopping so nothing gets wasted.

lazycow - I just have an exagerated insistence on making children walk. I am already trying to figure out when I can ditch the buggy - DD is 1. But I know that when DD was born, DS was 3.3 and walked home from nursery, uphill, after a full day there.

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ha ha ha Issymum!

I give up

the lot of you are so impossibly wrapped up in your own lives it is obviously beyond you to stay on the subject

it actually doesnt matter how many times I say this isn't about 'paying someone to come into your home every now and again'

still if you are chippy about something you are chippy about something I suppose

Lockets - I think maybe you have more help from DH than some people do which will make a difference. Maybe around the teatime/bathtime trouble zone?

ahh, phew cod, yo still ahve the moral high ground

Totally agree with WWW - I could do idle as an olympic sport and feel no guilt

I'm going to play lotto so my inner millionnaire can become an outer one and I can indulge in frivolous luxuries and absolute laziness w/o an iota of compunction.

It takes a lot of effort to be idle, I find. I will go out of my way with energetic setting things up just in order to be lazy as hell for a bit.