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Original poster

'SAHMS' that have full time childcare or help - a fantastic liberation or downright lazy?

906 replies

Enid · 21/02/2006 09:51

There are lots of mothers down here in Dorset who are (or whose husbands are) well off enough to afford NOT to work. I know a few and they all have full time aupairs or nannies. One of them has TWO nannies - one for each of her children.

It seems to be a matter of pride that you always take the nanny/au pair on holiday to help with your children. Also that the nanny/au pair takes the children to clubs and activities.

OK - I think it is outrageously lazy (and so does dh). What do you think?

OP posts:
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foxinsocks · 21/02/2006 13:06

tut, soupy - that's why they invented cleaners

nailpolish · 21/02/2006 13:06

were talking about childcare here though

poppadum · 21/02/2006 13:06

Lazy and self-indulgent? Fine by me. I am not in competition to be the best mum in the world. I also have never had my nails done in my life. I buy my clothes at H and M, the last time I bought a new bag was six years ago, we don't eat out at all, so I don't think I fit the stereotype of tennisplaying fragrant expat wives. But I can't be any sort of mum without time to myself. Why should i feel guilty for that?

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SoupDragon · 21/02/2006 13:07

Oh, don't worry, I have a cleaner! But I also sent my children to full day care for 2 days a week from the age of 2 to stop me locking them in the shed.

Caligula · 21/02/2006 13:07

OK, call me silly, but I still don't get what's so wrong with being lazy.

SoupDragon · 21/02/2006 13:09

I'm pretty much a "live and let live" person BTW. I rarely give a stuff what anyone else does as long as it doesn't interfere with my life.

Bugsy2 · 21/02/2006 13:12

Nothing Caligula, if you can be! I dream of it myself, but unless I snare some hapless rich bloke, I'll just have to wait until I'm old & decrepit with nothing else to do!

Bozza · 21/02/2006 13:15

I just couldn't do it. I have an Enid style work ethic, I think.

I did send DS to nursery while I was on maternity leave. I had to pay to keep his place open anyway and he was on nursery grant at that point so fitting 5 sessions into his 3 days.

Enif · 21/02/2006 13:15

poppadum I meant having hours off every day to sit in cafes sounded self indulgent (your fantasy life rather than your real life)

expatinscotland · 21/02/2006 13:16

Poppadum
In another life, you're my mother . She was also an expat wife who didn't work and had nannies to look after her children.

She also had - cringe! - an elective csection, w/a tummy tuck performed afterwards whilst she was out.

She then woke to a freshly washed and - omg, formula fed! - baby (me) and a champagne brunch.

But according to a lot of folks here, she was a terrible, lazy, irresponsible mother and I should never have been born.

Luckily, like PPH, she couldn't care less about such people.

Enif · 21/02/2006 13:19

"she was a terrible, lazy, irresponsible mother and I should never have been born"

err steady expat

Highlander · 21/02/2006 13:19

I think it sounds marvelous - where do I sign up?

motherinferior · 21/02/2006 13:19

[Poppadum, would you CAT me? I tried to CAT you - I think you're from the same town as my mother!]

My inner millionaire is out to lunch with Blu and Issymum. We are going round to PPH's to meet Caligula later. Feistybird may drop in.

Enif · 21/02/2006 13:20

lol

expatinscotland · 21/02/2006 13:22

what time's tennis, MI? now that we all have time to exercise . . .

poppadum · 21/02/2006 13:22

thank you expat for making me laugh. I seem to have lost my sense of humour somewhere along this thread, and I can see I am being sent up on the "Chewits" thread. Yes, I can quite see I shouldn't post if I don't want people to disagree with me, but I think people can disagree without flinging around names. And call me sensitive, but I detect a strong stench of sanctimoniousness about this thread, similar to the SAHM vs working moms thread.

I had both my children delivered naturally, and with no pain relief. and my tummy is flopping from side to side as we speak. Can i be let back into the Good Mother Club now?

Caligula · 21/02/2006 13:23

Ooh good, is the gardener going to be there???

expatinscotland · 21/02/2006 13:23

only if you breastfed them for 2 years, poppa. otherwise, back to the tennis court w/you .

lockets · 21/02/2006 13:23

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crunchie · 21/02/2006 13:23

My ex-nanny is now working for a mum who doesn't work. In fact most of her nanny friends ended up with familes where they were so rich that the mum didn't work and still had a nanny!!

I ask her what her employer does all day and she doesn't really know except shop

Personally I think there has to be another level of income to do this. If dh earnt enough, yes I would stay at home with my kids. If he earnt shedloads, would I have some help with my kids??? Possibly. But not a full time nanny, an aupair who could help out occassionally as an extra pair of hands. On holiday would I take a nanny, well I did discuss it with mine, simply becasue we wanted to go skiing, and it was a possible way to take the kids, but us still skiing, so in that circumstance, yes I would take a nanny on holiday.

However I work full time, and I don't have a nanny anymore The kids are at school so we don't need her. But if I had enough money I would get my old nanny back like a flash (She wants me to have another baby though, cos she would be bored )

nailpolish · 21/02/2006 13:33

i must be really boring. all ive ever wanted is to have dh's children (since i spotted him at school dinners!) and stay at home doing puzzles and painting with them, taking them out on bikes and trips to the swimming pool. if i had a nanny to do that i would feel guilty, if i was swanning around at home while she did so.

but everyone is different

Bugsy2 · 21/02/2006 13:33

the more I think about this, the more I am amazed that it is even a debatable subject that if we didn't all have loads of cash we wouldn't have extra help.
I am actually stunned that there are a few of you who think you wouldn't want it.

poppadum · 21/02/2006 13:33

MI, My Cat setting was off. I haven't subscribed to CAT yet, being new here, but will try to do it today and CAT you tomorrow. I think I know who you are, having read some of your Guardian articles! Off to earn my mummy points by changing a dirty nappy now, and then taking kids to park in freezing cold to earn even more points.

lockets · 21/02/2006 13:34

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Enif · 21/02/2006 13:34

sorry

I wouldnt want or need full time help with my children