'SAHMS' that have full time childcare or help - a fantastic liberation or downright lazy?

[Enid]

There are lots of mothers down here in Dorset who are (or whose husbands are) well off enough to afford NOT to work. I know a few and they all have full time aupairs or nannies. One of them has TWO nannies - one for each of her children.

It seems to be a matter of pride that you always take the nanny/au pair on holiday to help with your children. Also that the nanny/au pair takes the children to clubs and activities.

OK - I think it is outrageously lazy (and so does dh). What do you think?

tut, soupy - that's why they invented cleaners

were talking about childcare here though

Lazy and self-indulgent? Fine by me. I am not in competition to be the best mum in the world. I also have never had my nails done in my life. I buy my clothes at H and M, the last time I bought a new bag was six years ago, we don't eat out at all, so I don't think I fit the stereotype of tennisplaying fragrant expat wives. But I can't be any sort of mum without time to myself. Why should i feel guilty for that?

Oh, don't worry, I have a cleaner! But I also sent my children to full day care for 2 days a week from the age of 2 to stop me locking them in the shed.

OK, call me silly, but I still don't get what's so wrong with being lazy.

I'm pretty much a "live and let live" person BTW. I rarely give a stuff what anyone else does as long as it doesn't interfere with my life.

Nothing Caligula, if you can be! I dream of it myself, but unless I snare some hapless rich bloke, I'll just have to wait until I'm old & decrepit with nothing else to do!

I just couldn't do it. I have an Enid style work ethic, I think.

I did send DS to nursery while I was on maternity leave. I had to pay to keep his place open anyway and he was on nursery grant at that point so fitting 5 sessions into his 3 days.

poppadum I meant having hours off every day to sit in cafes sounded self indulgent (your fantasy life rather than your real life)

Poppadum
In another life, you're my mother . She was also an expat wife who didn't work and had nannies to look after her children.

She also had - cringe! - an elective csection, w/a tummy tuck performed afterwards whilst she was out.

She then woke to a freshly washed and - omg, formula fed! - baby (me) and a champagne brunch.

But according to a lot of folks here, she was a terrible, lazy, irresponsible mother and I should never have been born.

Luckily, like PPH, she couldn't care less about such people.

"she was a terrible, lazy, irresponsible mother and I should never have been born"

err steady expat

I think it sounds marvelous - where do I sign up?

[Poppadum, would you CAT me? I tried to CAT you - I think you're from the same town as my mother!]

My inner millionaire is out to lunch with Blu and Issymum. We are going round to PPH's to meet Caligula later. Feistybird may drop in.

lol

what time's tennis, MI? now that we all have time to exercise . . .

thank you expat for making me laugh. I seem to have lost my sense of humour somewhere along this thread, and I can see I am being sent up on the "Chewits" thread. Yes, I can quite see I shouldn't post if I don't want people to disagree with me, but I think people can disagree without flinging around names. And call me sensitive, but I detect a strong stench of sanctimoniousness about this thread, similar to the SAHM vs working moms thread.

I had both my children delivered naturally, and with no pain relief. and my tummy is flopping from side to side as we speak. Can i be let back into the Good Mother Club now?

Ooh good, is the gardener going to be there???

only if you breastfed them for 2 years, poppa. otherwise, back to the tennis court w/you .

My ex-nanny is now working for a mum who doesn't work. In fact most of her nanny friends ended up with familes where they were so rich that the mum didn't work and still had a nanny!!

I ask her what her employer does all day and she doesn't really know except shop

Personally I think there has to be another level of income to do this. If dh earnt enough, yes I would stay at home with my kids. If he earnt shedloads, would I have some help with my kids??? Possibly. But not a full time nanny, an aupair who could help out occassionally as an extra pair of hands. On holiday would I take a nanny, well I did discuss it with mine, simply becasue we wanted to go skiing, and it was a possible way to take the kids, but us still skiing, so in that circumstance, yes I would take a nanny on holiday.

However I work full time, and I don't have a nanny anymore The kids are at school so we don't need her. But if I had enough money I would get my old nanny back like a flash (She wants me to have another baby though, cos she would be bored )

i must be really boring. all ive ever wanted is to have dh's children (since i spotted him at school dinners!) and stay at home doing puzzles and painting with them, taking them out on bikes and trips to the swimming pool. if i had a nanny to do that i would feel guilty, if i was swanning around at home while she did so.

but everyone is different

the more I think about this, the more I am amazed that it is even a debatable subject that if we didn't all have loads of cash we wouldn't have extra help.
I am actually stunned that there are a few of you who think you wouldn't want it.

MI, My Cat setting was off. I haven't subscribed to CAT yet, being new here, but will try to do it today and CAT you tomorrow. I think I know who you are, having read some of your Guardian articles! Off to earn my mummy points by changing a dirty nappy now, and then taking kids to park in freezing cold to earn even more points.

sorry

I wouldnt want or need full time help with my children