party etiquette- pushy parents??

[magdelena6]

my little girl is having a 5th birthday party next month and inviting 7 friends. I'm on a budget so my sister-in-law is kindly letting me take the girls to her hair and beauty salon to get their hairs pinned up & nails painted (its the school holidays so thought why not)
I have paid for a limo to take them to the venue which does a disc of photos for each child which i was going to pop in their goodie bags so the parents can see what they've been up to. I'm also dropping them back at home so most parents are happy with their 'me' time for a couple hours.
I had issues when giving out invitations with a known 'pushy parent' at the school. She is very ott with her little girl who is a very sweet and a nice friend to my daughter. She said she wanted to ride in the limo with her daughter.
I explained that there is only 8seats so for her to go in would mean uninviting a child. She then said ok me and my husband will follow you in our car(!)
The problem is its a small salon and where there is sunbeds/heat appliances etc you can only have a certain amount of people in the building at any one time....(health&safety/fire reg's) which i've already planned around.
I explained this to her but she just gave me a wink saying 'oh, you can squeeze one or two more'
By inviting herself and her husband along she has now put me in an awkward position as its hard to get through to someone who doesnt seem to be taking no for an answer.
This woman puts so much pressure on her kid its unreal, i know days where she she has so many after school activities she skips giving her food until she is literally in bed;-/ not to mention the several languages she has her learning. I dont doubt she loves her girl but she is completely blinkered seeing her only as a 'trophy kid'. I would rather not have an adult like her at the party tbh, however dont want to seem ungracious to somebody anxious about leaving their kid in someone elses care. What should i do?

I think at 4/5 it is not unusual for parents to want to stay, sorry.

I think you will have to be really blunt with her and say

"Unfortunately, there is not room for you or your dh to come with us. If you are not happy with your dd coming without you, then I'm afraid it won't be possible to take her. You are welcome to join us at xxxx for the party tea afterwards"

It is then up to her to decide!

What littlefish said.

If every parent wanted to do what she is wanting to do then you'd need two limos and an extra salon.

What is the matter with people? Of course she can't come, and she sounds like the sort that would spoil it all anyway faffing and fussing with her little angel.

I agree with Littlefish.

I agree with Sauvignonblanche in that for a 5th birthday party 99% of parents stay with their child, at least round here. Otherwise the host spends all of their time taking children to the loo/sorting out disagreements/mopping up tears.

If you do what littlefish suggested then at least it is clear to everyone where they stand.

It's clearly not the sort of party that parents can stay at, and I assume the other 6 will be unaccompanied?

I don't think it's anything to do with you how many languages her little girl is learning or when and what she eats. It is up to you to decide who you want at your child's party. I would tell her you are unable to accommodate any more adults and quite understand that they are not happy for her to do this without them. Say you will invite her for a tea party at a later date where you can accommodate the rest of the family if required.

I also think that at 5 it's pretty normal for the parent to want to stay and isn't being pushy at all. Went to a party for a 5 year old yesterday and there wasn't a single child left.

i agree that at partys in general parents stay at this age, but when its stuff like going to build a bear, or for a meal or to the cinema its unreasonable and pointless for parents to go and chaperone their kids. I've never had an issue sending my little girl off with a friends parents for birthday pizza etc.
Its like your kid getting invited to their best mates for tea and going along with them to play & sharing their fish fingers chips and beans!

What do all the parents do at these parties when they stay though? What do they think is going to happen?

Well, you might not have an issue with it, but not every five year old would be comfortable to be left.

Do agree that it is reasonable to drop them off if it were a trip to the cinema etc but he party you describe isn't an ordinary 5 yo party and the parents probably just aren't used to their DD going to parties like this. DS didn't start going to trips to the cinema instead of a party until he was 7.

its just a small intimate gathering, its not as though ive got 30 kids to entertain on my own, i mean the whole point of it being on a budget is what torylovell said, if they all did that how can i pay for an extra limo and venue, id feel obliged to offer them drinks etc aswell while they waited which takes away from the fact i just want to concentrate on the kids having a good time.
The parents/kids all know me and have even been in my home at my Halloween party.

Both parents seems a little excessive.

Sounds like pushy Mum (and Dad) want to keep an eye on things to me.

I would have turned the invitation down rather than insist I tag along because when DD was 5 there is no way she would have been comfortable going off with out me and tbh I wouldn't feel comfortable waving her off in a limo without me even if it did mean 2 hours of child free time

When they turn up just make them stand outside

It doesn't seem excessive to me, I wouldn't leave my 5 year old with someone I barely knew.

I don't see the difference between this party and a school trip TBH. Only there are fewer children and a lot more fun.

when my dd had her 5th birthday party when people texted their acceptance i texted back 'do feel free to drop them and leave them - our house is very small' and everyone did. i felt that they were used to being left at school all day on their own, i know it's a strange environment, but the people (DCs) should be familiar.

i would say if she can't be left, she can't come. don't know how though!!!

ironically for her 6th birthday party some still stayed (including one who'd dropped and run the year before), but it was in a hall so it didn't matter so much. was a bit weird though after being in complete control last year.

I know sparkling brook, all i'm bothered about is the kids having a nice time and having special memories, i find it uncomfortable to not be trusted. If a parents kid genuinely got separation anxiety from parents age 5 how would they get on at school? or when they are dropped off at ballet/football practice. Would you parents never accept an after school invite?

I'm on a budget so.....I've paid for a limo.....

I expect with your 'budget' the parents genuinely thought you wouldnt mind them being there. Its not like you're having pass the parcel in your living room is it? Primping and preening five year old little girls and transporting them about in a limo is not a typical 5 year old party and maybe they simply want to see their daughter enjoy herself.....

I'm pretty sure i didnt mention anything about her 'barely knowing me' quite the opposite infact!

My two were going to schoolfriend's for tea since the first week in Reception and I didn't go with them.

So what do you think you will do magdelena?

i got the party for free so used the money id put away for a limo rather than using taxis, if £80 isnt a budget party i dont know what is?!
let me ask catchafallingstar if your daughter was a bridesmaid would you reject the option of having her hair pinned up in a bun because its 'primping and preening'?
Its not as though they are getting spray tans and full face make up lol!!!
Whats wrong with a little dress up? Its no different to role play/imaginitive play i think your taking it more seriously than it needs to be.
I work in mental health and i've yet to have someone come in emotionally scarred from having some nail polish and hair done at 5.
Lighten up!!