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Original poster

party etiquette- pushy parents??

78 replies

magdelena6 · 06/05/2012 15:42

my little girl is having a 5th birthday party next month and inviting 7 friends. I'm on a budget so my sister-in-law is kindly letting me take the girls to her hair and beauty salon to get their hairs pinned up & nails painted (its the school holidays so thought why not)
I have paid for a limo to take them to the venue which does a disc of photos for each child which i was going to pop in their goodie bags so the parents can see what they've been up to. I'm also dropping them back at home so most parents are happy with their 'me' time for a couple hours.
I had issues when giving out invitations with a known 'pushy parent' at the school. She is very ott with her little girl who is a very sweet and a nice friend to my daughter. She said she wanted to ride in the limo with her daughter.
I explained that there is only 8seats so for her to go in would mean uninviting a child. She then said ok me and my husband will follow you in our car(!)
The problem is its a small salon and where there is sunbeds/heat appliances etc you can only have a certain amount of people in the building at any one time....(health&safety/fire reg's) which i've already planned around.
I explained this to her but she just gave me a wink saying 'oh, you can squeeze one or two more'
By inviting herself and her husband along she has now put me in an awkward position as its hard to get through to someone who doesnt seem to be taking no for an answer.
This woman puts so much pressure on her kid its unreal, i know days where she she has so many after school activities she skips giving her food until she is literally in bed;-/ not to mention the several languages she has her learning. I dont doubt she loves her girl but she is completely blinkered seeing her only as a 'trophy kid'. I would rather not have an adult like her at the party tbh, however dont want to seem ungracious to somebody anxious about leaving their kid in someone elses care. What should i do?

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Sparklingbrook · 06/05/2012 16:51

I think it sounds like a lovely party, and what 4/5 year old girl wouldn't think it was fabulous? Makes a change from softplay etc.

I only have boys though so I may be wrong, but I was a 5 year old girl once. Grin

JuliaScurr · 06/05/2012 16:51

what Moovey said

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 06/05/2012 16:56

When did it become normal for parents to stay at 5 year old parties? I had no parents from 3 onwards and everyone was cool with this. No one died or even misbehaved - and shock horror DH was also there and he wasn't police checked.

I would just say that as you can't fit all the parents in you are being fair and having none and if she feels she can't leave her daughter that is her call.

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JiltedJohnsJulie · 06/05/2012 17:00

if £80 isnt a budget party i dont know what is?! well, our local soft play is £5.99 including the food and party bags and there is not need to provide taxis, most parents are used to taking their children to parties.

formerdiva · 06/05/2012 17:00

I don't think catchafallingstar was being judgey, op (whereas I on the other hand am. 5 year olds? Limo? Hair and nails? Not sure it's my idea of age appropriate ...)

Sparklingbrook · 06/05/2012 17:02

I think £80 is a budget party. I am sure if magdaelena wanted a soft play party she would have booked one, but she is having something different.

alarkaspree · 06/05/2012 17:02

My ds (just turned 6) would not go to a party if I couldn't be there with him. If I forced him to stay, he would sit in a corner, cry, and refuse to talk to anyone. So it's possible the parents might not be being unreasonable to want to stay. They might also be being overprotective, it's hard to say. Although there's absolutely no reason for them both to be there. Could you fit one of them in? Would that be a reasonable compromise?

JiltedJohnsJulie · 06/05/2012 17:05

Perhaps we have different budgets then. For me £80 would be the absolute maximum. At 5 they'd be happy with a couple of sandwiches, a cake and pass the parcel.

youarekidding · 06/05/2012 17:05

I think the party sounds lovely and the pictures etc sound lovely too.

I do wonder if it's the parents/ child not ready to be left yet.

I do think you are just going to have to be honest. There is no room for more at the salon due to H/S. You understand they're not ready to leave their DD, are unsure about their DD having hair/nails done so you'll understand they're declining the invite and you'll have their DD over for tea.

They will seem unhinged if they keep insisting to their way after that. Wink

Sparklingbrook · 06/05/2012 17:06

I think it is a case of the parents not wanting to leave the child than the child not wanting the parents to leave. Wink

Original poster
magdelena6 · 06/05/2012 17:08

Its frustrating but i guess every parent has a right of choice (even though i dont in this situation ironically!)
I guess ill reiterate the numbers thing and being packed in like sardines and maybe offer for her to follow us and watch her daughters hair being done if i let her go first, but then request that they leave for a potter down the beach or something while they eat & do party games.
Its annoying but you know i guess i'll have to compromise for her kids sake so she can still come along.
I think deep down I feel vulnerable as we are a lesbian couple and It has crossed my mind do some people not want us round their kids because of it?? Would that fact put any of you guys off??
Its interesting someones negative view on my choice of party, i'd never do anything i felt was compromising at a kids party. Its my daughters birthday and she is pleased about it so thats all that matters to us. We can see the fun in it, what else matters?

OP posts:
IslaValargeone · 06/05/2012 17:09

I think you have misinterpreted catchafalling star.
My dd at 5 would have wanted me there, that being said I'm with formerdiva.

catchafallingstar · 06/05/2012 17:11

what's wrong with a little dress up?
Nothing but also remember that confidence can be taught when you encourage your child to perform in front of a large crowd and she actually gets on with it. And even if she forgets a line or two in her poem, you can always motivate her to try again. Self-esteem is developed in your child when you teach her how to never feel bad if she doesn?t get invited to play in the sandpit with other childre It is also about being generous with praise and constructive criticisms that a child her age can fully grasp. It is all about building a loving home environment where she can always feel safe and loved with no need for grown-up makeup /pinned up hair/ nail varnish.

And I won't be dran into discussing my own children in this context.

youarekidding · 06/05/2012 17:11

Lesbian thing wouldn't bother me. One of my closest friends is gay - I leave my DS with her, in fact DS has never even asked about it being 2 women married. They have 2 children.

I guess some may see it as an issue but IMO it's more their issue than yours iyswim?

IslaValargeone · 06/05/2012 17:11

You being a lesbian couple wouldn't even register with me, it's awful you feel vulnerable. Anyway, whether your choice of activity wouldn't be the same as mine, I hope you all have a fabulous day.

IslaValargeone · 06/05/2012 17:13

should have put 'is irrelevant' up there ^

catchafallingstar · 06/05/2012 17:14

oh...and they're 5!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sparklingbrook · 06/05/2012 17:15

The fact you are a lesbian couple has nowt to do with anything. I would be Shock if anyone thought it did and Sad too.

Your main concern is that your DD has a great time with her friends, and one she will remember. Grin

Original poster
magdelena6 · 06/05/2012 17:16

also, a limo is frowned upon but a lift in our family car i guess would be deemed 'age appropriate' the only difference is in one you can sit with all your friends without being split up and you get to have squash and nibbles, Its just a mode of transportation that is more fun ffs!
I wonder if god will strike me down that day for being such an awful person throwing my inappropriate party.
Can one of the posters who disagrees with it give me a reason why its inapppropriate pls so we can have a logical debate

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 06/05/2012 17:16

The fact you are a lesbian couple has nowt to do with anything. I would be Shock if anyone thought it did and Sad too.

Your main concern is that your DD has a great time with her friends, and one she will remember. Grin

Sparklingbrook · 06/05/2012 17:17

Sorry, didn't mean to post twice.

catchafallingstar · 06/05/2012 17:17

wont bother me a monkeys who has organised the party....I just feel that it's a little age inapropriate and as such has a limiting effect on parents who may wish to be there.

if the hair/make up thing is build confidence etc there are other ways of doing this (as i said).

edam · 06/05/2012 17:18

You are going to have to be VERY firm and say no, parents can't stay. No room at the salon/health and safety regs and all that.

redlac · 06/05/2012 17:20

Does the limo have car seats appropriate to their ages? Is your dd the youngest of all the girls?

I agree with catchafallingstar

mirry2 · 06/05/2012 17:20

I can't see why 5 year olds can't be left without their parents. surely most are at school by now and parents don't stay there. There are only 7 guests.