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Original poster

party etiquette- pushy parents??

78 replies

magdelena6 · 06/05/2012 15:42

my little girl is having a 5th birthday party next month and inviting 7 friends. I'm on a budget so my sister-in-law is kindly letting me take the girls to her hair and beauty salon to get their hairs pinned up & nails painted (its the school holidays so thought why not)
I have paid for a limo to take them to the venue which does a disc of photos for each child which i was going to pop in their goodie bags so the parents can see what they've been up to. I'm also dropping them back at home so most parents are happy with their 'me' time for a couple hours.
I had issues when giving out invitations with a known 'pushy parent' at the school. She is very ott with her little girl who is a very sweet and a nice friend to my daughter. She said she wanted to ride in the limo with her daughter.
I explained that there is only 8seats so for her to go in would mean uninviting a child. She then said ok me and my husband will follow you in our car(!)
The problem is its a small salon and where there is sunbeds/heat appliances etc you can only have a certain amount of people in the building at any one time....(health&safety/fire reg's) which i've already planned around.
I explained this to her but she just gave me a wink saying 'oh, you can squeeze one or two more'
By inviting herself and her husband along she has now put me in an awkward position as its hard to get through to someone who doesnt seem to be taking no for an answer.
This woman puts so much pressure on her kid its unreal, i know days where she she has so many after school activities she skips giving her food until she is literally in bed;-/ not to mention the several languages she has her learning. I dont doubt she loves her girl but she is completely blinkered seeing her only as a 'trophy kid'. I would rather not have an adult like her at the party tbh, however dont want to seem ungracious to somebody anxious about leaving their kid in someone elses care. What should i do?

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KatieScarlett2833 · 06/05/2012 17:21

I think your party sounds fab, my DD would have chewed her arm off to go, in fact, I'd have chewed her arm off to go....

Maybe pushy mum really wants her hair and nails done too......

Sparklingbrook · 06/05/2012 17:22

I would like to go myself.

SecretSquirrels · 06/05/2012 17:23

This is a joke surely??
Great idea, but for a 13 year old's party. Five seems very young for this kind of thing.
I don't think £80 is low budget!
I would say it's unusual for parents not to stay with a 5 year old.

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whomovedmychocolate · 06/05/2012 17:24

I would talk to pushy mum and say 'look I've checked and there is no way we can accommodate extra adults I'm afraid. The salon will not let the party go ahead if we turn up with more than the booked number and it'll ruin the party. I understand if junior can't come and I'm sorry but there's nothing I can do. If she can't come alone, perhaps she'd like to come for a bun at our house next Friday instead....What would you like to do?' and put it back to her to turn up a solution.

If she doesn't listen say 'look, I'm sorry but I'm not going to cancel the party which is what will happen if we turn up with too many. I'm sure you wouldn't want to spoil my child's party would you?' (well if she can use emotional blackmail why can't you?)

Sparklingbrook · 06/05/2012 17:25

Are 5 year old's not allowed to have their hair pinned up and have a little nail varnish put on?

JuliaScurr · 06/05/2012 17:25

Dn't mind if you're lesbians
Dd loved parties but had severe separation anxiety from 4-9, couldn't have gone without me or dp and would have been really upset to miss out. To be honest, it was upsettig for me too, because it wasn't something she couldg control, like any other illness but a lot of people treated it as if it could be 'dealt with' by discipline. It couldn't. Hving said that, I always tried to be invisible where poss; sounds like this mother doesn't

Original poster

magdelena6 · 06/05/2012 17:33

yes catchafallingstar thats what most intelligent parents are going to aim for on a day-to-day basis but we are talking about a party here, its one day in her life. My little girl has never had her nails painted before and never had a hair cut. I sometimes crimp it or put rag curls in for parties like a lot of mums, we are just a normal family. I'm not a pageant mum or a mum who emotionally neglects her kids in favour of having her constantly dolled up to the nines. As i said its just a party so sorry if i come across as a bit short,i just want to defend my actions so people who automatically think its wrong can maybe see a different point of view;-)

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henrysmama2012 · 06/05/2012 17:34

I think hair & nails is fun - like playing dress up. When I was a little girl I loved my doll but also read war comics - its just a fun experience - its all about balance isn't it? I doubt I'd have read too much into how my self esteem is being shaped (or not) if someone took me to a fun party like that at age 5...although I was taken to get my nails etc done every week - now that would be weird.

Original poster

magdelena6 · 06/05/2012 17:43

I think theres alot of negative press atm from jordans kid with falsh eyelashes on, gypsy weddings kids 'bumping and grinding' and mums spray tanning &botoxing 6 year olds.
I think its a knee jerk reaction to think, no way thats sexualising children. There is a difference between pulling your kid into the adult world and letting little girls play dress up, one is through adult eyes, the other is through a childs.
I dressed her up as a witch for Halloween & used my eyeliner to put a star round her eye, is that just fun or is it inappropriate?

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iwantanoompaloompa · 06/05/2012 17:44

I think this is an odd party for a 5 year old to be honest.

At 5, all parents stayed and all parties were village hall, soft play, farm type things.

Clearly you move in different circles but many 5 year olds are anxious at parties and want parents to stay.

Sparklingbrook · 06/05/2012 17:46

It isn't an odd party, because Magdelena's sister in law has a salon.

Floggingmolly · 06/05/2012 17:48

Both of them! There was a thread on here a while ago, where one poster announced the intention of both herself and her DH to sit in McDonalds while her child was at a party hosted there.
This comes under the same heading - bonkers.
Tell the mum if her dd is not comfortable being left unaccompanied at the party, you can't have her at all.
No way should you have to compromise if she won't.

Sparklingbrook · 06/05/2012 17:52

Are these the same parents that 'accidentally' wander past the playground at lunchtime?

Floggingmolly · 06/05/2012 17:56

Oh, and my dd had a pamper party for her 7th, everyone loved it

Original poster

magdelena6 · 06/05/2012 17:57

henryysmama2012 i think you've hit the nail on the head there. Balance;-) My god this topic opened up a can of worms didn't it ladies??!
All opinions appreciated however, i still think im right. Some people forget what its like to be a kid...not everything needs psychoanalysed until it becomes negative.

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Original poster

magdelena6 · 06/05/2012 18:01

lol at sparklingbrook, its well known that said pushy parent requests copies of song lyrics in school performances from teachers.
We all then cringe watching her mouth them like a goldfish to her daughter from the audience. The poor girl was so pressured she got stagefright and started crying last time.

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Sparklingbrook · 06/05/2012 18:10

Oh we had one of those mums at First School, she did the mouthing/sing up type faces and always had a place in the front row. Always had her camera out even though it wasn't allowed and got a picture of her DD before the Head could tell her off.

LovelyJubilee · 06/05/2012 18:15

I think the salon thing sounds fun (if a bit ott for 5 year olds) but the limo is ridiculous. You should have asked the parents to drop off the kids at the salon. If this is the party you plan for your 5 year old what are you going to do when she's 10?

Saltire · 06/05/2012 18:19

If it is a H&S issue, if they turn up can't you ask your SIl to ask them to wait outside

Original poster

magdelena6 · 06/05/2012 18:20

£80 is not low budget? most parties invite the whole class so say 30 kids, if you did party bags at £3 each which isnt easy theres your budget blown before you've even hired the church hall, bought cake, party game prizes food and decs. I think im spending literally hundreds less than most people do. What people spend on parties is matterless to me. If people work hard for their money and want to spend four figures on their kids party fine by me. I wouldnt do it personally but its their financial business tbf

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Original poster

magdelena6 · 06/05/2012 18:32

I'm sure a limo is more fun than riding with mum and dad in their people carrier jubilee;-) I'm in there with them, i thought it would be a nice gesture to take care of transport as its on queens jubilee wkend.
If you are 5 and you are asked if you want to go in a limo with your friends on your birthday you would be totally chuffed i bet.
I work long hours and trying to do a degree so i dont get as much time with my little girl as i'd like. Can you blame me for wanting to give her what she asks for on her birthday and see her happy with her friends.

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Sparklingbrook · 06/05/2012 18:34

I would imagine any 5 year old girl who knew they were going in a limo to have their hair and nails done wouldn't sleep the night before with excitement.

KatieScarlett2833 · 06/05/2012 18:34

My DS and his friends had a limo for their P7 school prom. They LOVED IT. I still have a video I took of him dancing on the pavement with excitement as the yuge pink hummer drove up our street....

Sparklingbrook · 06/05/2012 18:37

The limo is something different isn't it? Something they will remember.

ragged · 06/05/2012 18:56

What Littlefish said.
My DD simply wouldn't have gone at that age, wasn't confident enough.

Sounds like lack of confidence isn't a problem for pushy mum's child, though.

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