Three year old told to cover up, I feel I could throw up!

[finnmum]

Hi ladies, please please tell me if I'm being unreasonable for feeling absolutely gutted about this; our family went to the local leisure centre today for a swim and DD2 3 years was wearing her swimming nappies. By the pool DP and I were told in front of our DD1 7years and DD2 herself that if she is a girl she needs to cover up and wear a costume. There was just something very sad about that, especially when DD1 asked me what her little sister has to cover up.

We are happy to stick with the rules (swimming suit bought now!) but this just didn't feel right. Smallish for her age DD2 was standing there in her swimming pants and I just wanted to cry. We were let to swim but I was very aware that I'm not covering my child! I had a quick chat with the manager on our way out (when the kids were not there of course) and he said he doesn't understand what I'm talking about and this is the way parents are always told about the this.

Today was the first day I saw my 7 year old feeling naked when she tried to cover herself with the towel in the women only shower room. I would like to scream what the hell is wrong with this country but that would be disrespectful. Instead I would like to hear from you mumsnetters, any insight, experience(hopefully not!) or opinions? Thank you.

Op. I can't remember where i saw the rule, possibly a sign.

I as chatting recently with the DD's swimming teacher about costumes etc. She mentioned that her 7yr daughter goes topless in the pool and prefers to wear boys shorts. I told her about this thread and she too was shocked.
No one has ever said anything to her about it. The only thing anyone (a lifeguard) had ever said was 'Can your boy swim?' :)

thats reassuring pigleychez :) hope most pools have that common sense attitude :)

pigleychez maybe "they" think she is a boy?

That is ridiculous. Cover up what exactly does your 3 yo have breasts? (sorry if that was distasteful but really what a load of bollocks)

What utter nonsense. And, as you say, how sad

Write to your local paper and include two photos. One of a toddler in swim pants, no head showing. And the other of a toddler in a bikini, again no head showing. Invite their readers to write in and say which they think is the more sexualised image.

It's been a week now since I sent the JoJo link to the center manager and kindly asked him to verify that what DD2 was wearing was not acceptable. He sent his (template) reply to my first email the next day, now nothing.. I wonder if I should resend it as unless he's been on annual leave the silence looks like he absolutely doesn't know what to say. Surely he has to let me know the rules so I don't bring the kids there to be approached the way they were.

I've just read this entire thread and I have to say that I think it's uttlerly disguting that you were told to cover up a 3yo! FFS what has the world come to when you can't let your toddlers and young children swim in just bottoms for fears about child protection!

I think as a nation we have gone a bit OTT when it comes to all things like this (health & safety, child protection) - not saying that children don't need to be protected, of course they do, but as a rule it is unfounded/unrealistic fears about what 'might' happen which makes organisations very scared and therefore impose totally nonsensical, unneccesary rules.

My DD wears a happynappy only to the pool as there is absolutely nothing wrong with young girls or boys showing a bare torso!! I agree that you have to keep pushing with this. Local paper, Redbrige council, and keep on at that manager until you get a response - ignoring your correspondance because he doesn't know what to say is not acceptable.

Good luck!

"We would always recommend your child is wearing a full swimming costume designed for their gender."

This is the one line response I got today. To recommend is slightly different than to "enforce the rules"!

well then i would continue to take her in a swim nappy type thing like the jojo one and take that printed out, as like you say its a recomendation.

and why isnt a swim nappy designed for a girl a full costume, it is a swim costume just without a top, its made for a girl.

i would still be taking it further as its bloody ludicrous and a one line email so no 'furhter to our previous conversation etc nothing polite or friendly just a one line response if really rather shite!

Absolutely ridiculous, please do take this further.

Agree with the others about the risibility of it all.
It's interesting as well that they are too squeamish to use the word 'sex' when referring to male / female. 'Sex' refers to the physical and 'gender' refers to what the individual assigns themselves - wonder how they'd cope if you said you were bringing DD up gender neutral...

My DD2 is 2 years and eight months old, and swims in just swimsuit bottoms - I wonder when are we going to be told to 'cover up'. DD1 wanted to be 'covered' when she was about 3 or 4.
BTW our local leisure centres never ever admit they are in the wrong about anything, ever - so arguing with them is a waste of time.

Agree arguing further with the centre manager would be a waste of time.

You should now email the leader of borough of Redbridge council, the chief exec, your local member, and the member whose ward the leisure centre is in.

This much more likely to get somewhere. It's depressing that the centre management actually think they're in the right here.

Very interesting, MoonlightandRoses, didn't think about that!

They seem squeamish about talking about the rules, but said they don't want to "beat around the bush" when "enforcing the rules"-the manager on duty defended the lifeguard who asked the toddler to cover up and got her sister upset, the centre manager then defended that manager. But no-one is telling me what "the rule" is! Not to even mention the reasons behind such "rule". Now the centre manager seems to have changed this to 'recommendation', surely if it's a recommendation they shouldn't have approached us the way they did to "enforce the rule"!

In your next contact with whoever you decide to contact, ask them to explain how their recommendation/rule will protect your child and what precisely they are being protected from.

stifnstav, I asked that from the centre manager and he didn't even attempt to answer those questions, the leader of the council might just want to throw it back to him..